The Challenge: A Plethora of One-shots
by SpellboundWinter
Summary: The 100 One-shot challenge I'm doing with ChocolateXFountain and AKA 24601. Focuses on the pairings Creek and Kammy. For people who aren't paring name savvy, Craig/Tweek and KennyxTammy. Reminder: if you don't enjoy one chapter, try another, they are all vastly different.
1. Introduction

******Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. South Park is created and owned by Matt Stone and Trey Parker. The string of words on the screen, however, is mine and only for entertainment purposes. I'm not making any profit off of this.**

**A bunch of One-Shots I'm doing with ChocolateXFountain and also AKA 24601, mine focusing on the pairings Creek and Kammy. ****Or, for people who aren't paring name savvy, Craig/Tweek and KennyxTammy.**

**ChocolateXFountain and I decided to try One-shot challenges. I mean, It sounds pretty awesome right? 100 prompts, 100 one-shots and 100 chapters. If you don't know who ChocolateXFountain is, shame on you. She's an amazing writer who never fails to make me laugh.**

**AKA 24601 is also a great writer with a fun sense of humor. Very witty to boot!**

**Theses two writers are a continuing source of inspiration for me. You guys are great. CHECK THEM OUT~!  
**

**We'll be doing the same general formula so check us both out regularly!**

**If you're curious, here is the list (who was made by CSIBeauty on Gaia):**

1. Introduction- **You are here.**  
2. Love  
3. Light  
4. Dark  
5. Seeking Solace  
6. Break Away  
7. Heaven  
8. Innocence  
9. Drive  
10. Breathe Again  
11. Memory  
12. Insanity  
13. Misfortune  
14. Smile  
15. Silence  
16. Questioning  
17. Blood  
18. Rainbow  
19. Gray  
20. Fortitude  
21. Vacation  
22. Mother Nature  
23. Cat  
24. No Time  
25. Trouble Lurking  
26. Tears  
27. Foreign  
28. Sorrow  
29. Happiness  
30. Under the Rain  
31. Flowers  
32. Night  
33. Expectations  
34. Stars  
35. Hold My Hand  
36. Precious Treasure  
37. Eyes  
38. Abandoned  
39. Dreams  
40. Rated  
41. Teamwork  
42. Standing Still  
43. Dying  
44. Two Roads  
45. Illusion  
46. Family  
47. Creation  
48. Childhood  
49. Stripes  
50. Breaking the Rules  
51. Sport  
52. Deep in Thought  
53. Keeping a Secret  
54. Tower  
55. Waiting  
56. Danger Ahead  
57. Sacrifice  
58. Kick in the Head  
59. No Way Out  
60. Rejection  
61. Fairy Tale  
62. Magic  
63. Do Not Disturb  
64. Multitasking  
65. Horror  
66. Traps  
67. Playing the Melody  
68. Hero  
69. Annoyance  
70. 67%  
71. Obsession  
72. Mischief Managed  
73. I Can't  
74. Are You Challenging Me?  
75. Mirror  
76. Broken Pieces  
77. Test  
78. Drink  
79. Starvation  
80. Words  
81. Pen and Paper  
82. Can You Hear Me?  
83. Heal  
84. Out Cold  
85. Spiral  
86. Seeing Red  
87. Food  
88. Pain  
89. Through the Fire  
90. Triangle  
91. Drowning  
92. All That I Have  
93. Give Up  
94. Last Hope  
95. Advertisement  
96. In the Storm  
97. Safety First  
98. Puzzle  
99. Solitude  
100. Relaxation


	2. Love

**Here we are, #2. Love.**

**Check out PinkxCloud's as well. Her take on this one is totally adorable.**

**It's Creek because Tweek is so adorable and Craig is... Lively? They make a cute pair~! (^ω^≡^ω^)**

**It's in Tweek's POV.**

* * *

"What are we doing here Tweek?" Craig muttered from his cigarette, monotone and as nasally as ever.

I trembled, my coffee thermos jittered along with me. I tugged at my shirt collar before croaking out. "I like -ngh- Stark's Pond!" I about collapsed into the small park bench. I tried to play it cool, patting to the space beside me. "Agh! J-Just... J-Just sit with me!"

Wait, let me tell you about everything first, how I got here.

Getting older took its toll on me. I was confused about a lot of things. If it was something you didn't learn in school, I didn't know it. Sex, the opposite gender, hell, even the normal dating scene was obscure to me.

Also while growing up I was incredibly naïve. While all the other kids were getting ready for Prom, I was sitting around in my room drinking coffee and studying calculus.

My parents didn't really talk to me about anything, either. They were more along the lines of a traditional Catholic family. I learned in my own ways, to others around me to those nasty women magazines. But lately, Kyle was always the go to person for information. I know what you're thinking, "Why not Kenny", right?

Kenny is a pig when it comes to anything remotely like that. I wanna know the facts not how to, "give her a dose of that vitamin D", whatever that meant. I mean, what if she takes vitamins already? I don't want her to overdose!

You know me already, right? I don't even have to say my name. Tweek.

Yup, I'm _that_ one, I was always twitching and keeping to myself, occasionally mumbling something about underpants gnomes. And yes, they do exist! They want my underwear for their master plan. Jesus Christ, I dunno how many pairs I have to buy but they sneak in and take them.

Getting back to my situation, being my age I can honestly say I've never experienced life...

I lived a sheltered life. I lived in my own little caffeinated bubble where I would never let anyone inside. My coffee was really my only companion, my friend.

Now that I say it, it sounds pitiful. I don't have an addiction or anything like that.

I had a parakeet and myself. Those were my other friends. And... another was this guy Craig but he's hardly a friend. More like an acquaintance. Yeah, just an acquaintance.

I was always by myself, it was the way I liked it anyways. Going outside was too much pressure. I could get killed or beaten or... or... Anything could happen! Anything! Isn't that scary to any of you?!

Around high school I started to venture from my bubble. People wanted to hang out with me for some reason, it was incredibly odd. I heard from Kenny being different made a person more likeable. Soon before I knew it, I was in a little group of my own.

It was then, while hanging out with this little group of something strange had happened. Something weird.

I was only a junior. I was getting older but I was none the wiser. I was a twitching mess and my heart resembled a hummingbirds. It was borderline close to exploding.

My stomach would get tight and then, poof, like butterflies. My palms would become slipperier than usual. I didn't eat to eat much at all. I didn't even want to drink coffee and my grades were slipping.

I researched the symptoms on the internet and on a popular medical site it said I had cancer.

I remember having a panic attack before falling right out of my computer chair and onto the ground. Cancer? Agh! That's way too much pressure, dude!

I soon got off the floor and did little searches on non-medical sites. I'm grounded from them anyways. Dad blocked nearly all of them.

I peered down at another link. It was all the same symptoms as I gawked at the unfamiliar disease name.

_Love_.

What is it?!

I did some more research over the course of a few weeks, I heard about this movie Titanic. So, I watched it, naturally. Nothing too much happened. Jack loved this Rose woman then the ship went down. I dunno why but it just made me cry. I think I ate a whole pint of coffee flavored ice cream.

Next, I decided to search for it in the dictionary or thesaurus but nothing. Only feelings relating to it.

Love was a mystery and it was happening to me. The was no real definition for the word love and I was curious about it. What does it mean? Love was weird and Jesus Christ, nobody had answers!

I went even to Kyle the know-it-all. He explained to me what it felt like to be in love. When I asked him what it was he blanked.

He didn't even know the true meaning.

This boy who made me catch this disease was someone relatively close to me. You wouldn't be able to guess, maybe you could, I dunno. When I was near him, it hurt. When I was away from him, it hurt.

It actually felt like someone was stabbing my chest. Like someone shiv'd me and took my wallet. It was wonderful though. It was a nice feeling too. Now, I know it's weird but just bear with me.

The boy in blue was just... enthralling, to say the least.

Craig was so beautiful and perfect. He was emotionless but that's one of the things I liked about him. He could be heartless and cruel even, but that's what made him so different. That's what made him so maddeningly admirable.

He was the opposite of me.

He was strong and more fearless than I could ever be. He stood up for himself and he always drank water instead of coffee. He'd wear a coat and I went without. His hair was tame while mine was wild. He had cold harsh eyes and mine were warm but ever so cautious. I was green and he was blue.

You see, opposites attract.

"What's the real reason Tweek?" he plopped beside me on the bench. "It's not like you to invite me to Stark's Pond every day."

It's the basic law of attraction.

Kenny had forced me to do this. He overheard my ramblings with Kyle about love and I kinda told him everything... It's not my fault! He kept pushing me to tell him and I cracked. He gave me an ultimatum. Him telling Craig or me telling Craig.

So, here I am. Sitting With Craig Tucker on this bench. Trying to tell him my inner most feelings.

Now I have to do it. Kenny was camping out in the bushes with Kyle.

I really begged and pleaded Kenny to not have me do this but Kyle said it sounded romantic and encouraged me to do it as well. More gasoline on the fire.

I know they sounded like it's a burden but it was actually pretty nice to have acquaintances.

"I... I wanted to tell you that I... you... and me. I really, Uh... I'm.. You see, there's this thing- Now it sounds silly... Forget it." I huffed, drooping my head.

Craig stared me with an unreadable expression as a squirmed in my seat. "No! I gotta tell you," I swallowed roughly before nearly screaming. "I love you Craig!"

So when I blurted out to him, "I love you", it was almost too much to bear. I wanted to run away. I wanted to crawl under a rock and never come out. Hell, maybe even dive into the ice.

What if he rejected me? What if he tried to beat me up? What if he picked me up and threw me into the frozen pond? I don't know how to swim! Jesus Christ, this is too much pressure!

But, I noticed his lips curling into an ever so sweet smile and his eyes flickered to mine. "Tweekster?"

"Yeah?"I answered cautiously.

"I hate you." he spat, dying his cigarette on the park bench.

I felt my happy face drop and my heart crash into a million pieces. What? Did he just say... He hated me? No, he couldn't have.

"Really?" I mumbled out, trying to hide my already misty eyes. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

"God Tweek," He let out a chuckle, tussling my hair. "I'm just kidding."

I tried to pick myself back up. He doesn't hate me? Wait, I'm so confused! Just tell me what you think of me Craig. Honestly and truly.

"Are you telling the truth then?" Craig eyes wandered out over the familiar mountain ridges and pine trees.

I nodded quickly before answering. "I do, if I didn't I wouldn't have said anything."

He didn't say anything, he just crossed his legs, leaning back into the bench. I noticed his tongue rolling over his braces.

"And you're not seeing anyone right?" he turned his attention to me. "Nobody?"

"No, of course not." I replied meekly.

"Well..." Craig started, a smile brightening his cool features. "Of course I'll go out with you."

I nearly flew up from my seat. This is all wrong! "Wait, wait! That's not what I wanted to hear."

"What then? An, 'I love you', then?"

I nodded fiercely, biting my lip. "I want you to say it."

"I already did Tweekster..." He let out a chuckle. "Your my boyfriend now so no holding back. Say what you feel."

I felt this warm spot in the pit of my stomach as it radiated through my whole body. I couldn't help but smile.

I knew what people were talking about now. There were no word to describe it. It was an intense feeling. It made me feel so alive.

Love, to me, was a person. Love was Craig and now, we'd take on this new experience together. Not as acquaintances but as lovers. My friend and my lover. Yeah, that sounds good.


	3. Light

**Number 3, _light_. So this is a TammyxKenny one-shot. College parties ensue.**

**They aren't like you see on TV, they're pretty tame. Kenny is just that one guy at a party you just want to beat the living crap out of. There is always that one guy that is so obnoxious... (****ノ****ಠ****益****ಠ****)****ノ**

* * *

I felt the warm rays of the sun on my skin. I opened my eyes to see a window with the _light_ of morning raining down on my face. I took a quick look around my surroundings and I had no idea where I was.

Like, absolutely no idea. I felt myself panic.

I don't remember what I did last night either. I looked under the white comforter on the bed. I'm in my boxer shorts. Not good. What if I did heavy drugs again and tripped out into someone's house? What if I'm in some creepy guys house and he's a pervert? Or I had a weird sex party and...

I hung my head in my hands. Oh my god. No, no, no...

I spotted something from the corner of my eye. I could see a tuft of brown hair sticking out from under the blankets.

I lifted the white comforter, peeking under at the mystery person. Please don't be Shelly. Please don't be a serial killer. And please, God, please... don't be Cartman.

I noticed streaks and plump lips. Oh thank god, it's just some chick. A hot chick too. _SCORE_! If I could high-five myself I would. I did a cheer to myself. That one is definitely going on the scoreboard. I gotta tell the world that Kenny McCormick laid another one out to dry!

I must have been so good I don't remember.

I slyly slinked out of bed, searching for my clothes. Now for the get away! Wait, where are my clothes? Before I could even do anything else, I felt vomit rise up tickling the back of my throat.

Oh God, I don't think I could even hold it back.

I ran out of the room, holding my hands across my face as I searched desperately for the bathroom. Thank God I didn't have to look far.

I gagged, leaning over the bowl. I letting the contents of my stomach spill out of my mouth like a water gun. I heaved again, spitting a goober of puke into this girl's toilet.

Is vomit supposed to be pink and chunky? It seemed like someone took strawberry shake mix, made it half-assed and threw it into toilet water.

I wiped my mouth standing up, flushing the toilet. Bye creamy strawberry delight, you won't be missed.

There was shuffling from behind the shower curtain. I hesitantly opened it to see a green ushanka. Kyle sat upright in the tub, I must have startled him too as he stared up at me. "Kenny?"

I let out a little yell, jumping up ten feet in the air. "KYLE?! What the hell are you doing in this chicks tub?"

"Looks like Mr. Helicopter dick is awake." We both looked over at the girl in the doorway. She slipped passed me, grabbing air freshener. She sprayed it all over.

Kyle grinned before straightening out his hat. "Tammy was pissed at you."

"Wait, wait... Tammy? As in Tammy Warner?" I stammered. "That's...?"

She huffed, placing her hands on her hips. "In the flesh. You were hammered."

"What happened last night?" I asked. "Where are my clothes and why is Kyle sleeping in the tub?"

"Well..." She told me the long story of me at the party as I started to piece back the memories in my head.

It was the end of the spring semester for the college. I didn't go to college but Token throws these big-ass parties for all of his old friends. That means everyone from everywhere comes back to South Park to socialize.

I pushed my totally rad sunglasses on the edge of my nose. I seem relatively the same. My dirty old parka and my jeans that were too ripped and frayed to stay on my legs. That same crooked smirk and those same crooked teeth in my mouth.

I remember strolling up to the door before knocking a few times. I could hear laughing a bit of music. After a minute I got impatient, kicking and punching the door.

After a moment Kyle opened it. "Kenny?" he sounded almost surprised.

"Who else wears orange?" I asked.

"Traffic cones, construction workers..." He counted more off his fingers like an asshole. I just ignored him.

I tugged him into a big man hug before he could name off anymore orange things.

"Well, come on in!" he led me into the living room. My eyes took in all the faces I've missed. All the kids I knew and grew up with were all standing around. Most were listening to music that wasn't too loud, conversing with a drink in hand and snacking on food.

Yeah, free food? I'm there.

Kyle patted my back. "I'm going to the kitchen to, uhm... hang out with Stan."

Hehe, more like dry humpin' in the kitchen with Stan.

But before I went over to the coffee table filled with snacks, I noticed these two girls on the couch. Bebe was painting her nails her nails lazily. God she looks pretty. I hear she was going to college to be a marine biologist.

She's got quite the brain on her shoulders... or was the saying, 'a head on-', whatever man.

The girl next to Bebe on the couch seemed so familiar.

Oh my god... was it Tammy?

She still had those wild caramel streaks and wearing those shorts that probably cut off circulation to her thighs. She still wore those dorky looking tube sock and the same midriff shirts.

Yep, same old Tammy.

Her eyes flickered to mine before her eyes got real wide. She darted right up to me. "Kenny? Kenny McCormick?!" she shouted, ripping my parka hood off of my head.

I beamed at her deviously. "You wouldn't happen to be Tammy Warner would you?" I'm such a player.

She giggled, hopping into my arms as we tumbled into right into Cartman. I heard him growl. "The hell poor boy?! Take your herpes and that nasty ass skank somewhere else."

He stormed into the kitchen, probably to wash up that shirt. we spilt beer all over the front of his shirt.

"Wow, what are you doing here?" she was so enthralled with me.

I peered down at my shirt, brushing my hand over it. "Why don't you feel my shirt?"

She raised an eyebrow before brushing her finger tips over. "What about it?"

"Its boyfriend material." I grabbed her waist as she squirmed right out of my arms. "Stop!"

Token came up to us, handing out drinks. "Come on guys catch up. We were going to play Karaoke and poker downstairs."

"Karaoke? I'm so there." I swallowed the contents of the glass quick before letting out a belch. "Let's go."

Token rolled his eyes at me before exclaiming. "Don't overdo it again like every year since, ever."

A few beers before liquors and I'm ready to throw up quicker.

Downstairs, he had a little Karaoke machine. I swear that thing was ancient. The TV was so small you had to squeeze up against someone while singing to read it.

I was doing a few rounds of karaoke with a very high Craig. Craig was known to have a few hits before coming over to hang out for a party but today he smells like a skunk. He's super out of it too.

I remember Craig singing with me some songs from the nineties. Craig was snorting and giggling as he tried to keep up with the words on the screen. I thought he was going to piss his pants. I've never seen Craig so goddamn giddy.

Then I remember drinking more... and a little more... then challenging Tweek to a coffee drinking contest and losing. The poor twink didn't like drinking so he just did 'espresso shots' and weird stuff coffee related drinks.

Nothing alcoholic, that was of course before I introduced him to drinking coffee liquor. Craig instantly got pissed because of how Tweek shouldn't be mixing his heavy medications with alcohol.

I say, "go for it."

The next thing I knew, Tammy snatched my cup. "That's enough."

"But baaaabe..." I whined.

"No." she spat.

"But baaaaaaabe..." I sounded like Cartman when he really wanted something.

"No." she remained strong to my Cartman tactics.

I remember for some reason, stripping out of my clothes and yelling out, "helicopter dick", or something close to it. I was half way out of my pants when Kyle rushed over, trying to yank up my pants. "What are you doing?!" he growled.

Stan held the bridge of his nose trying not to look.

I tumbled into the table where the guys were playing poker as Kyle went down with me in an attempt to zip up my pants.

His head slammed into my crotch. His hat landing on the floor beside me. I mumbled through my drunk stupor. "Hey, while your down there Kyle..."

He shot up, his curls just as red as his face. "You wish, pig!"

Token stood in front of us. I hid my snicker as he tried to seem overbearing. "Kenny, I told you to control yourself. You breaking my stuff and being loud. Go home."

"No way, I'm staying!" I bleated, holding my hands up. My sunglasses were crooked on my face. I probably looked ridiculous as I felt.

Then the next thing I remember is falling flat on my face outside. My sunglasses skirting off somewhere in the dark. Stan and Kyle helped me to my feet. :Jesus Christ." Kyle hissed. Stan was on one side and Kyle was on the other.

I puckered my lips, heading straight for Stan. "Hey baby why don't you give me a-" I felt puke explode from my lips as I threw up all over in front of him.

Stan let out a groan, "Oh god, he's going to make me puke man."

Tammy was already a few steps ahead as she opened her Junker door. "Just put him in my car, I'll take the poor guy to my house. He can't even walk."

They folded me up like a taco before shoving me in the backseat. I could hear Kyle mutter. "I'll go with, Stan. He gets a little rowdy when he's like this."

The it was fuzzy, I don't even remember coming into the house. All I remember is them setting me down on the edge of the bathtub. I wobbled before Tammy came at me with a wet wash cloth. I tried to dodge it the best I could. She wiped my face roughly. I gagged like a baby would.

I grabbed her arms, steadying myself. "Kiss me, Tammy."

"Kenny your such a horn-dog." she huffed, throwing the wash cloth in the sink.

"Your horn-dog, baby." I winked.

The next thing happened quick. It involved her hand and the side of my face. I lost my balance falling right into the bath tub. I tried to crawl out, grabbing the nozzle in the process. It turned on the water full blast and it wasn't hot, it was freezing.

Kyle rushed about rushed in the door. "What now?"

Tammy pointed to me.

"Help me," I coughed and spat. I flailed in the shower's spray, trying to block the stream pelting my face. "I'm drowning!"

Tammy yanked me up, I gave her puppy dog eyes but I was shivering. That was real. The water was freezing. Kyle and Tammy stripped me out of my semi wet clothes. It took both of them to haul me into her room. I flopped down on the bed, curling up in the comforter.

She sat on the edge, sighing. "Pillows and blankets are in the closet." Kyle nodded, helping himself to the treasure trove of pillows and one blanket.

Why do girls have billions of pillows?

I curled my arms around her."Tammy?" I asked pitifully.

"What do you want?" she didn't even look in my direction. I hope she wasn't disgusted with me or something.

"Cuddle me," I buried my face in her neck. "I don't want to be alone."

"What you want to add me to your scoreboard?" she shot me a wry look.

"Tammy, I really like you. I always have. You're one of those girls that got away." I purred, rubbing my face father into the crook of her neck.

She pursing her lips. "Your just drunk. You're blabbering whatever comes to your head."

"I'm not drunk." I snorted, feeling a little hazy as I blinked back a little more vomit. "Okay, I am. But I really like you Tammy. I do. I just don't know why we broke up."

"I know, you cheated on my with Kelly." she threw back at me.

I felt myself almost slap myself. How nice of me. Mention that you cheat on her, great job so far Kenny! "I was stupid back then. I'm different now, come on, we can be like we used to be... happy."

She twisted back to me. "Really?"

"Really." I answered.

She leaned into me with a wide smile before she halted, grimacing. She searched my eyes before letting out a groan. "I can't."

"Why?" I pleaded. "I can be different."

"I don't want to be hurt anymore."

Whoa, that broke the fun feeling. She really meant it too. I could tell how puffy her eyes were starting to get and how upset she seemed.

"Shit, Tam we've been through a lot haven't we? I promise you that I can make it work." I turned her in my arms, making her look at me. "If I didn't want this to work I wouldn't have hung out with you all night and I definitely wouldn't be having this conversation."

She hummed, looking all around before nodding. "Al-alright. One more shot ya got that Ken? Then that's it."

I remember her kissing my cheek as we tumbled into a hug, laugh and then black... I think I passed out.

Tammy finished. "...Then you passed out. That's about it."

I held my forehead, sitting on the toilet top. "Oh my god. helicopter dick?"

Tammy crossed her arms. "Yep, I can't believe I believed you for a second."

"Tammy, it's not like what I was saying wasn't the truth. I do feel like that." I defended. "I really want to date you again. You're my girl." I grinned at her.

Her expression warmed up. "Oh, Ken. Why ya gotta be so sweet?"

I scratched my head, something wasn't right. "But, that doesn't explain why Kyle's in the tub."

"Oh that?" Kyle stretched, making his way out the door. "It was because Kenny hurled all over the couch."

Tammy twisted her head angrily at me. "You did WHAT?!"


	4. Dark

**So I decided to do one more TammyxKenny before I switched back to Creek.**

**Dark is opposite of light, right? I have a fear or truck stops. I never stop. EVER.**

* * *

It was normal, just another cold night in Colorado. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary about tonight. I was in the car with my boyfriend, Kenny... You know, Kenny McCormick? Orange parka, smelly, crooked teeth, a scoreboard of how many times he got some 'ass' (hypothetically) and incredibly attractive? Yeah, that Kenny.

Don't get me wrong I know he's a pervert an' all but he's real sweet.

Oh! You probably don't know my name or anything. He switches dates faster than he does underwear. My name is Tammy Warner, just don't call me Tam. Kenny only calls me that because he knows it really gets on my nerves.

Now, you probably thinking I'm pretty lax about all of this, it's because I am. Kenny has always come back to me. I was always his favorite. Kenny would leave me only for a little while and he'd come right back. I would go to Dave Darsky just to dump him when Kenny made his reappearance.

I know it wasn't nice to lead him on, but at the same time, I didn't care. It was nice to see Kenny come back to me with that dopey grin.

It's been quite the experience being Kenny's girlfriend. It was a good experience too, surprisingly. It's like there's always an incident or adventure we'd go on. I have to say, it's amazing.

South park was always known for being crazy but Kenny makes it enjoyable.

We even have this little house in the same old neighborhood we grew up in. The one's by the railroad track on the bad side of town. Everything there has been hectic but fun. There was Mecha-Streisand, goo-backs and even aliens, cool right?

Anyways, my beau decided we we're going to have a nice little ride to Denver to see the Raging Pussies. Best concert ever and definitely the experience of a life time. There was loud music and old friends. Of course Kenny had something to drink, naturally.

I told him to slow his roll because I didn't want to have to drive the bronco with his drunk ass. I would leave him at the concert. Oh boy, and I meant it.

I preoccupied with what was going on outside the car window. I was gazing up at the starry sky. I always liked Colorado. At night you could see all the stars. The heaven's had nothing to hide. It was absolutely breathtaking. It's like you almost missed them when you couldn't see them, especially in Denver.

He died his cigarette in the ashtray near me. "See anything out there?"

"_Dark_. Lots and lots of dark." I leaned into the door, looking up.

"I wouldn't lean on the door Tam, these old junky cars tend to fall apart at the wrong time."

I shot straight up. He grinned, pulling me closer into his arms as he drove with his one hand. I heard the CB go off again. "Did you see the girl on route 12? What a piece." a creepy man grunted out.

Another gruff voice spoke up. "What I wouldn't give for a bitch with nice tits."

Kenny got a CB from his grandpa, apparently he was a trucker and Kenny loves anything trucker related. I think he just likes cars. He had every subscription to monster trucks and racing magazines that I think it outnumber his dirty rags. Hard to believe.

Kenny snickered to himself. "Those truckers always are looking for women." he turned to me abruptly. "I want to be a trucker."

I let out a small giggle, leaning into him. "Could I be your trucker sidekick."

"You on the road with me? No way. I wouldn't get anything done." he said huskily.

I gave him a sly grin, kissing up his neck and nearly crawling into his lap. He squirmed away never letting his eyes dart away from the road. "Come on Tam, the roads are bad and I don't want to hit a deer or something."

Whoa, he never rejected me before.

"Then tonight can we have a little fun?" I bit my lip. "It'll be fun."

"Of course it's fun Tam, its sex." he said it like I was stupid or something.

Before he finished, he turned his attention down at the gauges. He flicked the gas meter with his fingers. "Looks like the go-go action bronco needs more fuel."

He pulled into a truck stop. They never really made much sense to me. I mean, truckers sleep but when? They always seemed so wired on caffeine like Tweek. I pictured Tweek in a trucker cap driving his own semi before I went into a giggle fit.

He parked his car next to the gas pump. He got out flipping a few switches as I noticed it. All that beer made me have to pee... Bad. I stood outside with him as he pumped gas. I squeezed my legs together."I gotta pee Ken!"

"Can you wait?" he asked.

I whined, doing my little dance faster. I really, really needed to go.

He sighed loudly, watching the numbers climb higher and higher. "Just be quick okay?"

I made my way in the small truck stop. I moved passed a few men congregating around inside. They were all either really greasy guys or old men that were way too clean.

A lot of men had to do a double take but I shrugged them off. Men could be pigs.

I wandered all over searching for the bathroom. I took another turn, going down a small hallway. I saw the little girl silhouette on the door. I let out a sigh of relief. I rushed inside into a stall. Before I could even get my pants down I heard the door creak open and thumps of boots against tile.

It was odd because it was heavy footsteps too. No girl steps sound like that. The heavy clods stopped in front of my stall. I could hear breathing. Okay, that's really odd. I reached my hands out shakily, creaking the door open.

The man in front of me stunk of aftershave and menthol cigarettes. He had a flannel shirt and a dirty brown hair. He was about my age too. He was just standing there in front of me. I felt something brush against my stomach. "Don't say make a peep lovely."

This strange man was holding something sleek against my abdomen. I felt my eyes water and my breathing get faster. Oh no.

He flashed me his ugly white teeth. "I wouldn't want to use this." I felt his rough fingers snatch against my waist. I writhed before I felt the sharp object slice into my back. I whimpered, my eyes shutting tightly.

He let out a laugh. "I don't wanna hurtcha but if you keep squirmin' I'll have to."

He guided me to a back entrance of the building where all the other semi trucks were. He leaned in close. "You even try to run, I'll gut you like a pig." I felt my heart nearly jump out of my chest. In my mind the words kept coming, 'Where's Kenny, where's Kenny?' It kept repeatin'.

I let out a scream, "KEN-", before felt something hard connect to the side of my head. I could feel pain pulse into my temple. He snatched me up in his arms while I was in my daze.

The trucker threw me into the cab of his semi. I got to my knees about to jump out when he slammed me down, placing all his weight on me. He searched around. I tried desperately to punch and writhe away. He found what he wanted and snatched some cables up from in his cabinets above the bed. He basically hog tied me. I noticed he didn't do it well either. I can tell this was his first time kidnapping someone.

I stirred violently again, kicking and screaming.

"Scream piggy scream." The man snarled, snatching my chin in his fingers. "You're a fine piece of work."

"Stop it! Get your fingers off of me!"

"Come on, calm down. You don't want to do anything that you'll regret right?" I felt him drag the knife up my shirt to the curve of my neck. I almost gagged at the smell of aftershave. He lowered himself closer to my level. "You'll be a sweetie and shut your trap right?"

I yanked my head away from him, shutting my eyes tightly. I let out whimper of agreement.

The man moved away, slipping into the driver's seat. The truck started up with a roar. I couldn't tell what he was doing but I could guess he already left the gas station.

I starred up at pin-up girls on the ceiling. Oh god. Someone help me please. Kenny...

I could hear CB crackle a little before another man's voice came up. "Did you see that nice lookin' chick at the pump station?"

Another man snorted, agreeing."The one with the brown hair and the shorts? Hell, yeah. The lucky guy who got that girl round his finger must be a fox."

The greasy trucker craned his neck to me. "Looks like your famous."

I felt my brows furrow. "You're such an asshole! Wait until I get out of these wires-"

"You'll what?" He teased.

"I'll kick your ass." I spat, wiggling again.

I heard a familiar voice over the CB. "Hey, you, driving the gas truck. I see you."

I couldn't see the expression of the greasy trucker but I could only imagine he wasn't happy. He snatched up the little walkie-talkie. "So what?"

"That's my girl. Let her go." he spat. Ke-Kenny! It was Kenny! Oh, God my hero!

He held the CB closer to his lips, peering over to his mirrors. "Yeah, I see you too. Get outta here. Get off of my ass and drive away. You're seein' shit."

I thrashed about in my restraints. Kenny knows I'm here! Yes, yes! Now, I gotta get out of these wires.

Kenny disagreed. "Like hell I will."

"Kid, that piece in my car is my girl. I dunno what you're talkin' about."

"No," Kenny growled out vehemently. "Tammy. Her name is Tammy."

I felt the tears prick my eyes as I struggled again. I flopped, letting out a scream. "Kenny!"

"Tammy huh?" the man sounded amused.

Out of the cab window I could see a bronco speeding up on the side of the semi, right in the other lane. Jesus! Doesn't he know how dangerous that was? I fiddled with the poorly knotted wires finally slipping out of them with burns on my wrists.

I snuck behind the trucker as quietly as possible. I extended my arms out quickly, jabbing my fingers into his eyes. I felt the truck jerk to the side as my head collided with a sharp corner of one of the cabinets. I could feel the truck turn and tumble. Maybe I should have thought this out.

I flew all around the cab, getting my brains knocked around. The semi must have crashed into something, halting it with a jerk.

I smelt gasoline trailing into my nose.

I reached my hand to the back of my head, noticing the warm red liquid. I laid in there for what seemed like forever. My eyes trying ever so hard to concentrate on what was ahead of me but everything was hazy.

I saw a familiar orange blur enter the cab. "Tammy!" He yanked me up in his arms before pulling me out. I noticed a small flame from the engine. "Come on Tam, get to the car!"

He put me onto my feet as I remembered, I had to run. Gasoline and flames never mix.

Kenny followed close behind.

I crawled my way through the grass, weeds and snow before feeling incredible heat behind me. Then a noise so loud I couldn't hear anything afterwards but a continuous beep. I felt something tumble into me. I forgot what I was doing for a minute as I laid there looking into the snow. I rolled over before I noticed the boy laying on top of me. My eyes darted over at the fiery flames then to the dark of the night sky.

No doubt the man escaped. Maybe he was watching us now.

I finally feel the pain through my whole body. Hot, I was hot!

I finally noticed the sparks on my skin. I rolled and rolled on the ground, pattin' myself out. Kenny too was on fire. I patted Kenny with my hands, trying to smother the flames.

I flipped him over. I felt my bottom lip tremble.

"K-Kenny?"

Now, you probably think I'm lax about all of this, it's because I am. Kenny has always come back to me. I was always his favorite. Kenny would leave me only for a little while and he'd come right back. I would go back to Dave Darsky and dump him when Kenny wanted me back.

I know it wasn't nice to lead him on but at the same time I didn't care. It was nice to see Kenny come back to me with that dopey grin.

It's been quite the experience being Kenny's girlfriend. It was a good experience too, surprisingly. It's like there was always an incident or adventure we would go on. I have to say, it was amazing.

South park was always known for being crazy but Kenny made it enjoyable.

I killed Kenny.


	5. Seeking Solace

**Creek.**

**Seeking Solace. So I thought, big bad Craig needs a little comforting in those rare moments. I think he can be an attention seeking butthead too. I absolutely dread doing things in Craig's POV. It's so hard to relate to his personality.**

* * *

My eyes shot open to this strange light. It was almost out of the ordinary, everything had been so dark for so long. It was such an extreme light that my whole body jerked in response. I let out a loud gasp as my head rolled back. I lurched forward, taking another deep breath.

It was like I wasn't breathing in so long. The breaths came to me in gasps almost like a fish out of water.

Oh my God, it's cold outside tonight... Wait... Where am I?

Nothing about this place seemed familiar.

Black. Everything was black. I open my mouth, ready to shout but my throat was rough and hoarse. "Help…" My mouth was beyond dry, it was aching. "Help."

I started to twitch and jitter. I didn't have the strength to move but maybe someone would notice the little movements. It was like I was in a trash bag or something. I thrashed against the bag, pushing against it. I felt a long metallic line. It reminded me of the zipper line on a coat or a hoodie.

I let out another loud noise before gasping for air. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to move and above all I was so dizzy. I felt a strong vertigo come over me.

I felt something rise in my throat before slipping back down. It felt frozen, like slush.

What the hell is going on?

I heard an unzipping noise before someone parted the bag from my face. I saw nothing but a shadow as the light eclipsed him. There seemed to be more than one of him as the three shadow like figures bounced in my vision.

"Are you alive?" his voice trembled.

I felt my mouth gape but no words reached me. I glanced down to see a black bag around my blue naked body. I croaked out a yes before he jumped ten feet in the air, taking off in fright.

It was like my eyelids were replaced with weights. My throat was beyond sore. Scratchy or maybe even raw.

Everything ached and my body was beyond cold. So cold that my insides were frozen.

The next thing I knew doctors surrounded me. A bunch of men in white doing various tests on me. Shoving things into my arm and taking my pulse. I thought that there was only supposed to be one doctor in a room, why am I so special?

"Craig, can you hear me?" one spoke up while another doctor shined a light in my eye.

My whole body ached. "Y-yes." I could barely breath out the words through the warm mask and the tub going down my throat.

"Where are you?"

I attempted to sound the least bit strong as I spoke. "I don't... know."

"What's your last name?"

I felt my body jerk up, I was spooked because of a loud machine that started to grumble and beep beside me. The doctor responded quickly. "Don't worry. That's just a hemodialysis machine."

"What's your last name?" he repeated.

"Tuc..." My throat was beyond hoarse. "-ker."

"Lift your left hand for me." I complied, struggling as it nearly got off the bed.

"Now the right hand."

I tried, I even put in a great effort but I couldn't feel it. "I can't."

He took out a small rubber hammer. "I'm going to tap it. Look over there, and tell me when you can feel it."

I waited and waited but the taps never came. A bunch of doctors hovered over my appendage. "What's wrong with me?" I asked through my breaking voice. "How did I get here?"

One doctor roared out. "Get a nurse, this isn't good."

I heard the monitors spike up in sound as I became fully alert. "Tell me what's going on."

"Get him into the surgery. It looks like gangrene." I noticed a woman ripping off the many things that protruded in my skin before wheeling me down a hallway. "Wait, what's going on?"

The nurse held up something. "I'm just going to replace your mask. Don't worry sweetie. Just take a deep breath and relax."

"What? Why?" The woman replaced the mask over my face. I held my breath until I started coughing and wheezing.

When I opened my eyes I was somewhere else.

I jumped a little, pushing myself into a sitting position. I craned my neck towards the soft colors of morning creeping through my window.

Hell's Pass hospital, that's where I am. I can tell because outside the window, I can see town. I was high up on one of the top floors. I could see pigeons sitting on the top of one of the smaller sections of the building.

I heard the sound of my door creaking. The guy who stood in front of my bed twitched and jittered. He held something close to his chest. "Craig?"

"Tweek? What are you doing here?" I peered over to him.

"Glad to see you awake." He held a stuffed bear, placing it on the bed with me. "That one is from Kenny."

It was then when noticed balloons and animals and all sorts of gifts in my room. It seemed like I was in here for a long time.

"Clyde and Token should be here after school." Tweek wandered to a vase of flowers, sorting through the dead ones, throwing them in the trash can. "We've all been a little worried about you lately."

"I don't give a shit. Leave me alone." I spat. Whoa, where did that anger come from?

Even Tweek turned to me with a look of surprise, he brushed it off quickly. "Craig, the person that found you said you were laying in the snow in twenty below weather. You almost buried in ten inches down."

"I just got lost and tired." I recollected myself. "It could happen to anyone."

"Gah- What were you really doing?"

I was fiddling with the teddy bear with my hand. It smelt like Kenny and weed. "Dad. He was getting into it again with mom and Ruby." Tweek nodded understandingly. I didn't like to tell him this kind of stuff but sometimes I did. Venting was nice sometimes. "How long have I been here?"

"You've been here resting up for about four or five days." he yanked the blankets higher on me. "It'll take a while for your body to recover. You had bad frostbite and you were actually pronounced dead at the hospital." he dragged up a seat beside me.

"Frostbite?"

"You haven't noticed yet?" he winced before jittering. "How?"

"Noticed what?"

Tweek let out a shaky sigh. "Craig, look at your hands."

I lifted my hands towards my face. Nothing seemed out of the... I felt myself shake. "No… Oh God no."

My whole arm shook as I held it in front of my face. My wrist still intact but the rest of my hand was gone. "Why don'- why don't I have an arm?!"

"Craig, didn't you notice?" Tweek inquired.

"No." I swallowed up my feelings before I felt something leave my lips. It was almost unexpected. I could hear myself laughing. Snorting and giggling like a teenage girl.

I let out a louder laugh holding my sides. "This is great. Just so great."

Tweek tilted his head at me. He seemed almost frightened. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm so useless. Everything in this whole room is useless and I hate it." I rubbed my eyes, wiping away tears of laughter. I don't think I could even control my emotions. It scared me.

"You can still play with Stripe and do all the old stuff you used to." Tweek beamed, almost reassuringly. "You're still the same Craig."

"Don't look at me, Tweek. Don't you judge me too." I glanced down at my bandaged nub. It was still slightly bleeding though the gauze.

Tweek grasped it in his hands, kissing it. "Stop beating yourself up already."

I felt my gaze soften for a moment. "I remember the snow."

"Huh?" Tweek still held my arm close.

"I was so cold. My eye sight was gone. Everything was dark and then my hearing left me. I wanted to live. My brain wanted to survive, the most basic instinct."

I was smiling bitter sweetly. "Everything was dissipating until all there was left was this warmth. I could see memories flickering under my eyelids. Every memory up until my demise. It was so beautiful and natural. I wasn't afraid or anything."

Tweek seemed almost uncomfortable, if he only knew. "Then what happened?"

"I accepted it. And everything went dark." I was staring him right in the eyes. "It was like I was supposed to die."

"But you didn't. It's a sign." Tweek reassured me, patting my arm.

"Is it so wrong to admit I wanted to die?" I croaked out.

Tweek's head snapped towards me.

"I wandered out there on purpose. I knew there would be a snow storm. I also knew that the temperature would drop. I had one last cigarette and laid there. I thought about making a snow angel but I didn't. I even brought my camera. I gave my last rites before pointing the camera up to the skies."

His face dropped before contorting into an angry expression. "You-? You were going to just die?"

"Why not?" I shrugged before rolling my eyes.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Tweek got up from his seat, shouting at me. "Do you know how -ngh- stupid that was?!"

"It was my decision. Stop acting like a mother or something."

Tweek snatched me by my gown, holding me close to his face. I could see the black bags hanging under his eyes. "Stop acting so smug!"

"You're hurt?" I said sarcastically. "Why do you care so much?"

Tweek's lip quivered. "I love you Craig, I don't want to see you dead. Why would I want that?" I could hear his voice crack as his face got red and puffy.

He dropped his head, sniveling.

I reached out to him, cradling him as his tears and snot soaked my gown. The poor guy was really wailing today. I've never seen him so upset.

"Come on," I sighed loudly, rubbing his back. "Tweek, stop it."

"You were going to leave me here alone. I don't know what I'd do without you." He sobbed, rubbing his nose as it dripped. He sniveled sitting back in his chair.

"Yeah?" I answered simply.

"I'd just die without you, you know." He whimpered. "I love you so much."

"I know." I answered quickly.

"Is your house that bad? I'll let you live with me, just don't die." he begged. "Please? I'll convince my parents and, we'll be happy. I'll make you happy."

I didn't feel that bad because, while he was seeking solace, I felt... comfortable. I felt almost happy. I wouldn't show it but... I was craving his attention too. It calmed me as well.

I was silent for a long time, staring at him.

He became irritated all of a sudden. "I'm trying so hard. I guess, you really don't care."

"I guess I don't." I lied. Can't you see that?

Tweek got to his feet, slamming the door behind him. I felt my heart drop, watching him leave like that made me feel a little terrible. I know I'm a heartless bastard but Tweek's still close to me.

"Hey pip squeak." I heard someone call from inside the room.

I felt my head snap to the door. There was my dad. That messy red hair and his incredibly tall figure. I hate him so much. It made me angry and somehow I couldn't hold it back.

"Where's mom?" I asked.

"Not here."

"The big question on my mind is why are you here?" I spat poisonously.

"Because your my son. I heard about the whole story. You made that boy really sad, ya know?"

I huffed, trying to cross my arms but my limbs wouldn't move. I still have problems moving and I'm not sure why.

"I don't mind ya being gay but can you at least have the common decency to say you like him back. Poor thing ran outta here."

I ignored him.

"You're lucky that you didn't lose the whole arm." he started to fiddle with the flowers Tweek had just fixed up. "Hey, look! You're friends even brought you gifts."

I snatched up the teddy bear with my good hand and threw it at his face. I felt my rage burst out of me almost too suddenly. "I don't want any fucking gifts! I want my hand back!"

"You were this close to getting gangrene, what were they supposed to do?" he asked calmly.

"Save me!" I shouted. "You should have told them something! You're my dad for Christ's sake!"

He sat in the chair next to me, just where Tweek was sitting. "I ain't going to sugar coat it: You're never going to be the same."

"What are you talking about?" My anger subsided almost suddenly. Goddamn these mood shifts.

"You've died three times. They thought you'd be a vegetable by this point." he pointed to his head. "You have brain damage, Craig. Pretty bad too."

"Brain damage?" I shook my head, trying to wrap my arms around what he was saying. "What the hell are you talking about?!"

"Something about not getting air to your brain but they said with a few blood transfusions you should start to recover." he sat in the chair. "You'll be thinking different and saying different things too. Your personality among other things won't ever recover."

He rubbed his eyes angrily. "Craig, I'm tellin' you this because I love ya... You can't really do too much physically either. They got ya scheduled for physical therapy an-"

I have brain damage? Why does he have to say it like that?! That bastard. He's just rubbing it into my face. He's saying I'm a burden, isn't he?

"Go," I cut him off with a scream. "Get out!" I could feel the veins in my head nearly pop out of my head.

"Son, just listen to me-"

"I DON'T CARE! GET OUT!" I shrieked, grabbing anything within reach to hit him with. "I don't want you here! I don't want anyone here!"

"You're afraid to let someone in." he dug in his pocket before throwing the camera on the bed next to me. "You're going to push everyone so far away that nobody will care when you finally do it." he hinted.

He slammed the door behind him.

I took a quick look at the camera curiously. What did I put on there again? I remembered being delirious from the cold.

I opened the camera up, watching on the little screen what unfolded.

I could see Tweek, Token and Clyde skating on the top of Stark's pond. I propped the camera on the bench making my way back to them with my ice skates on.

I made it out towards them just standing on the ice.

Clyde was doing circles around Tweek, teasing him until Tweek fell on his face.

I inwardly winced. It looked like it hurt. Tweek got up with a laugh, chasing Clyde as his fatass tried to skate faster. Token just stood and watched with me.

That was a few hours before I'm guessing.

The camera fell from its propped position, landing in the snow. The camera shut off before turning on again. I was using the spotlight from the camera as I trudged through the darkness.

I saw puffs of white come from my mouth as I switched the angle back down to my feet,. I found a spot as I laid the snowy ground holding the camera above me.

"So, I'm in the snow as you can see..." I drawled out slowly, trying to get comfortable in the snow. "It's really nice out here but I didn't come here to film."

I took off my hat. "I'm kinda givin' up. Not like Suicide but... I've given up on everything and everyone. I just don't see a point anymore."

I must have been really delirious, I could start to see my left hand swell up and my eyes were dilating like crazy. I kept watching though, I wanted to know what I said.

"I just can't take it anymore. My family is worse than Kenny's. Divorce, domestics and now a dead kid in the snow. Such a Crockpot family, but enough about that. All you greedy bastards want is my stuff right? Let's get into that..."

"I leave Stripe to Ruby, why? Because she's the only responsible one I know. Token, you can take anything you really want. It's fine. Clyde you can have my camera. I know you really like it. Make some videos of your own... Just not porn. God... that just leaves Tweek."

"Tweek," I chose my words carefully. "I don't know how to say thanks, so 'thanks'. I don't want to get mushy because it'll only make you feel worse. I know out of the three your about as bad off as Clyde right now. I leave you my video tapes. They are my prized possessions."

"To anyone else watching this by chance... I should be dead and gone. I should be a frozen human popsicle. Kevin can add his stupid Star War joke here. You all are probably gathered into some little building crying over my body or something, watching this on a big screen. That's dumb but whatever floats your boat."

I smiled at the camera warmly, my black hair spreading across my face. The snow was melting under me, frost was collecting on my face as I laid out in the fluffy white.

"Anyways, I just wanted to say to all of you... thank you." I let out a fluttery laugh. "Goodbye then."

I saw the camera get put off to the side, angled to the sky.

I shut off the camera before glancing all around, focusing on the teddy bear laying across the room. I grabbed my legs swinging them off the bed. I let my swollen toes touch the floor. My legs wobbled before giving in under my weight. I fell to the floor with a thump.

I crawled to the bear, snatching it up in an embrace. I held it close, curled up on the dank hospital floor.

God I wish Tweek would come back in here. I'm a terrible person. I deserve this. I _deserve_ this.

I need some kind of solace right now. Dad was right, I pushed everyone away. Now look at me.

Fetal position holding a teddy bear? How pathetic.

I don't deserve empathy.


	6. Break Away

**The main paring is Craig/Tweek but it slowly evolves into TweekxRebecca.**

**Don't really know what happened but I left it how it was because it's cute to me for some odd ball reason... And it also fit the theme. Tweek in a bland relationship moving on.**

**Besides, I could see the two of them twitching out together and being like, "I love you". Make this a thing people! :D**

* * *

Things can change within an instant. A thought or a feeling... anything could really. The universe revolved around actions.

Actions hold consequences.

This is South Park and anything and everything can happen.

Craig sat on the edge of his bed while I was curled up in a cocoon of blankets. I never really cared for Red Racer, you've probably seen the show. It's really dumb to tell you the truth. Those kid shows never really interested me.

Same old, same old.

We had a routine. I would wake up early for work and shower and he'd make coffee. I'd drink some while he left for college and leave to the coffee shop. I'd come home, Craig would have made dinner and we'd sit and watch Red Racer. Maybe a little roll in the hay every so often, which was rare, and go to sleep.

The same old stuff that's been going on for the past three years.

I was barely listening to the hum of the Red Racer ending theme while the faint glow of the TV radiated off the walls. That damn iridescent glow made it impossible to sleep. If you didn't know, I can't sleep ever. The TV made it worse.

The previous night I was up, worrying about things as usual. I kept tossing and turning. I think I kept Craig up too. Poor guy, he's such a light sleeper.

I didn't want to be a burden on him.

I shut my eyes, hearing a commercial starting. I was starting to doze off when I heard a familiar nasally voice. "Tweek?"

My eyes flickered to Craig's. "W-what?" I twitched instinctively.

"You wouldn't ever cheat on me would you?"

That came out nowhere. I wasn't even expecting that at all. It made me almost start trembling again.

"Ngh!" I let out a nervous twitch. "Why would I?!"

"Kyle cheated on Rebecca with Stan, Kenny cheats on everyone..." he rolled his eyes at the word 'Kenny'.

His name was forbidden in our house because... well, I can't tell you. It wouldn't be fair to Craig.

Craig let out a lazy sigh, letting himself fall back on the bed. He peeked over at me.

"Craig," I grinned widely. "I wouldn't ever do anything like that."

I lied.

Lied with a shit eating smirk on my face.

Yeah, you heard me right. I lied. Sometimes things that you lie about aren't always pretty. There were white lies and then secrets. This such thing was a secret. The truth hurts. Even though Craig appears to be made of stone, he's still human. I wasn't going to break something that isn't broken yet.

I couldn't take that chance. I needed him around as much as he needed me.

You see it all started with Rebecca Cotwolds. A nice, homely girl who was a lot like me. A recluse, twitchy and ever so awkward.

A girl who happened to be my best friend.

Me and her were made from the same mold I think. She had every quality I possessed, right down to the bags under her eyes.

We met in the in the café that my parents owned. It was almost closing time when she came in with her book bag. She was in a panting mess, I saw her sometimes when my father worked. I think she was studying to be a brain surgeon. No lie.

She was so nervous about ordering, she whispered in her hands what she wanted. I remember twitching and her jittering and stuttering. If you're wondering, she a jitterer, I'm a twitcher. I can still hear her voice. "M-mint lat-latte."

She told me she liked mint because, 'it was scientifically proven to help studying and focusing'.

I told her I liked mint because it tasted good and she giggled.

We hit it off instantly. Ever since then we were like wet on water.

And then there was Kyle, that spiteful redhead. She and Kyle had been dating for years.

She would wait on him hand and foot. If he told Rebecca to bring him gold I think she'd dig a hole and start mining. Rebecca did anything and everything to please him. I remember how she would rant on and on about him. I knew the true story of their break-up.

Deep down, Kyle always had it in for Stan. It was really only a matter of time. Not to be mean or anything, but she should have seen it coming.

The late nights at work, the distance in their relationship and even the lack of intimacy. From what she told me, her and Kyle didn't even sleep in the same bedroom for a long time.

Never a good sign.

Then it happened. The day she came from her trip from college earlier than expected. She noticed the front door unlocked. She went all over the house, stopping at their bedroom door.

Hearing those kind of moan, I would have my proof... but she said she had to see it with her own eyes. That kind of thing destroys a person from the inside out. She was never quite the same.

It was about a month ago from today when the real mess started. Rebecca had been wallowing in her room and watching the science channel for a week straight. I don't think she left her room once.

Kyle however, pretended like she wasn't there. Coming and going as he pleased, packing his things and leaving her in the dust.

I remember getting the call around twelve at night, she sobbed and cried, begging me to come over. So, I did what any best friend would do, I snuck out to see her. I didn't want to wake Craig.

I walked all the way to her house in the freezing cold. I remembered the lack of furniture in her house. The living room was empty aside from the couch and the TV. I don't think it was healthy to live in a big empty house alone.

I'll never forget the look of panic on her face or how incredibly lonely she seemed.

"I-I'm going to relocate soon." She let out a breath she'd been holding. "Why did this happen to me?"

I sat on the couch, watching her pace around and whisper things into her hands. "Bad things happen to good people."

"You think so? Am I a good person?"

"Of course you are." I finished.

I don't know why I was so calm around her. She would be instantly calm around me too, but not in this situation, I can understand why she's not now. We both were so comfortable with each other though. Rebecca neared closer, grabbing my hands. She stood in front of me. "Am I pretty for a girl?"

"Why do you say that? You are." I grinned widely, "Beautiful in every sense."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you're really smart and cute and..." I lost the words in my throat.

"Make me feel beautiful? I know that's asking a lot." she leaned into me as my breath hitched. "I need someone to show me."

Without thinking I kissed her. Just a peck anyways.

She bent down, closing the space between us. It was a few innocent kisses. You know, the pecks you'd give your friends. The kisses went from pecks to this other spectrum. It was like a flurry of electricity. The kind that takes your breath away and you lose track of time.

The type of kiss that seemed almost lusty.

The passionate kind.

The sad kind.

The miserable kind.

The kind that just begged for help.

God, she must have been deprived from attention of any kind for months. She seemed miserable. Everything felt so pent-up and sad. I tried my best to make her happy. I wanted her happy.

I mean, we all seek solace in different places, some very strange. Sometimes however, the choice we make can change life. Things happened between us. I don't know how but it did.

A deep red spread over her cheeks. Her hair more messy than usual. She shimmied into her shirt while I was wiggling into my jeans. When I glanced towards her, she avoided my eyes.

We were both messily dressed, staring intently at the ground.

She whispered into her hands. "What did we just do?"

"We -gah-" I collected myself. "I cheated on my boyfriend." I started to button my shirt, sitting on the couch. I felt my hand nervously rattle around, I let out a irritated growl. "Can you help me?"

She plopped beside me, buttoning my shirt. Rebecca looked up at me before she pressed her lips against mine. I let out a chuckle, biting her bottom lip slightly. There must have been something wrong when Rebecca pushed me. She hid her face in her hands.

"Rebecca?"

She let out a dry sob. "I'm such an idiot," she turned to me, her eyes red and puffy. "You should go before anything else happens."

"Rebecca, calm down. It like it was bad... It was really nice."

She jittered more, her hands tapping together. "I used you! Maybe I even raped you, what was I thinking?!"

"Rebecca, I'm sorry to disappoint you but... you can't rape someone who is willing." I joked trying to get her to laugh but to my failure.

"This wasn't supposed to happen, it was just supposed to be a friendly get together."

I twitched, trying to regain my composure. "This -ngh- stuff happens all the time. Kenny said that, when a someone is vulnerable they usually do this sort of stuff. It's normal."

"Coitus with a close friend is normal? If it is, I want nothing to do with being normal." She held her hands over her mouth before mumbling. "I'm such an imbecile. Why did I have to do this?"

"Really Rebecca, there's nothing wrong. We both enjoyed ourselves right? That's all that matters." I touched my slightly swollen lips, they were painful to the touch.

"There is. I feel scandalous. Promiscuous, like some kind of hormonal drived teenager. Kyle was the first one to teach me about... all of this. And, I made you cheat. I'm no better than he is."

I pulled her into my side, kissing the top of her head. "Just relax."

She let out a whimper before relaxing into my side. It was then I noticed that Rebecca was a girl. Girls can get pregnant and that meant babies. I really dropped the ball on that one. "Rebecca? Are you on th-?"

"You don't need to worry about that." Rebecca said all to suddenly. She jerked away, wiping her eyes. "I'm taking oral contraceptives."

"You mean the pill?" she nodded. All she had to say was the pill, anyways, I decided to leave while this wasn't so awkward for her. I pulled on my coat, straightening myself out. "Uh, I'll leave then. Text me if you need to talk."

I snatched up my phone off of the coffee table.

I gave her a warm smile. She beamed, watching me leave before calling out. "I'll always love you Tweek Tweak." I shut the door behind me.

Bam.

It hit me with just that sentence. Oh my god.

Jesus Christ!

What have I done?! I'm turning into Kenny. That poor girl in there probably feels ten time worse. I made it worse.

I let all my panic come out. I slid against her door, falling flat on my bottom.

I messed up my relationship with Craig. I messed everything up with Rebecca. I've cause a chain reaction and I'm to blame.

Just me.

I felt my breathing pick up. Jesus Christ, not another panic attack. I grasped my heart as I could feel myself tremble under this great pressure that presented itself to me. Fear rippled through my body.

I looked at my cellphone. Sixteen missed calls and four messages. I went through them trying to get my mind of this situation. Each one was from Craig.

The theme song to Red Racer echoed from Craig's phone and dragged me from my thoughts. I hate reminiscing on the past. Especially that incident.

It was nice but at the same time horrible.

I looked over to Craig, he put his phone up to his ear. "Hey."

I studied him hard, I couldn't tell what was going on the other line. Craig's expressions were always hard to read. "Yeah. Sure, sure. Anything you need." He hung up briefly. "We're going to Rebecca's."

"Huh?! WHY?!" I almost jumped right out of my skin. Craig's eyebrow rose in suspicion. "Wait, I thought you and Rebecca were close?"

"Yeah we are but..." my voice trailed off. "I-I just..."

"Did she hurt you?"

"No, no! It's just I haven't seen her in so long." I lied.

I lied again. I'm a terrible person.

Craig gathered his things as I crawled from the warm and comfortable bed. "I love you."

He just answered back. "I know you do."

If you didn't know, that meant in Craig's language, 'I love you'.

We went to see Rebecca, for what I don't know. She opened her door with a smile. "He-hello!" She kept her cool around Craig but when she turned to me, she gave me a look of pure panic.

We both twitched in unison.

"Hey." I said simply.

"Hello." she jittered.

Craig made his way over to the couch, turning on Red Racer. "Whenever you need help moving, Rebecca."

"Oh! H-help y-yourself to the beer in the fridge. I don't need it." She let out a little laugh. She was just pretending, I could tell. "Why don't you help me with packing a few things upstairs Tweek?"

"Uh-" She grabbed my arm, tugging me up the stairway. Rebecca stopped in the bathroom as she rummaged through the cupboard.

"What are you doing?" I hissed.

She held up a box. I read the tiny box carefully. "Ninety nine percent accurate, pregnancy..." I stopped in midsentence.

No.

"I've felt queasy lately." Now we were both a jittering mess. "I need to make sure."

"Wha-" I couldn't even get a word in.

She closed the door abruptly, I could hear the faucets turning on and then the shower. What the hell was she doing?

I waited and waited outside the bathroom door for what seemed like hours.

What if she was pregnant? What then?

Craig would probably leave me for sure and I would be a father to a child. Me, Tweek Tweak. That's way too much pressure... I think.

I wonder if my baby would have any nervous tics like me or Rebecca. If it did, I want it to have her tics and her brains. She's so intelligent. I wonder if it would have her eyes.

Rebecca and I would probably have to move in together. That's a must. I wasn't going to skip out like other dads do.

I would have to paint a little nursery for the little guy. I think a color that would suit a boy or a girl. Not the same ol' pink or light blue either. Something cute. Maybe like a scenery with little clouds and rainbows and animals... yeah, that sounds nice.

I could see me trying to assemble a crib in anger while a very pregnant Rebecca would give me a warm cup of coffee.

I wonder if it could be a boy or a girl. The thought enticed me.

If it was a boy I would name it something fitting, something I really like. If it was a girl, we would play outside all day. I could see her dressed in a pink little fairy princess outfit while she forced me to play tea party and wear a coffee can over my head. She'd be bossy but cute, she'd order me around but still be giggling.

If it was a boy I can imagine him playing pirates. We'd use the sticks as swords and he would defend his ship. I would be the bad guy, trying to steal his swag and plunder.

I could see Rebecca keeping them home and schooling them.

Fridays would be movie days and Thursdays would be the days we'd go out for a walk around Stark's pond.

I can see the Christmas's and birthdays and school events.

I could see our kids growing up and having families of their own. Finally leaving me and Rebecca alone in a little old house of ours where the children used to be so rambunctious.

We would grow older together until we were old and wrinkly. I could see her smile and grab my hand tight before she'd pass on.

And after a few months I would too.

Wait, why am I smiling so much? This isn't right. I love Craig... Don't I?

Though the thought of losing Craig hurt me more than the thought of a baby. Didn't it?

The door opened and I jumped. It scared me or maybe I was jumpy after all of this thinking about this. I just wanted to know the results.

Her mouth opened but only a stuttering mess of inaudible words spilled out. Rebecca clutched the two test close to her chest. Oh my god. No.

I snatched them from her and read it.

One had a blue little plus and the other digital had a little smiley face. Like some kind of cocky emoticon. Positive.

I gaped. She let a string of words leave her mouth in a rush. "I'msosorryTweek, I-"

"Wow," I broke into a grin. "We're going to be parents."

She gave me a peculiar look before letting out a sigh of relief. "You're okay with this?"

"Am I? Rebecca, the thought of having a baby with you... makes me extremely happy!" I grabbed her hands close in mine. "It's incredible!"

"But Craig-"

I shook my head, brushing it off. "I'll treat you better than Kyle has ever treated you. We're going to be so happy."

Her expression changed to somewhat hopeful. "Really? I'm not ready for kids... I'm still going to college and I..."

"Look, I'll drop everything and I'll stay with you. I have a job... I can get a car. We're going to be so happy Rebecca." I was smiling so wide, I felt so proud.

I noticed Rebecca's face drop, staring at something in front of her. I turned to see Craig standing in the hallway. His face unreadable.

Everything seemed to freeze up.

His mouth opened, as the word tumbled out. "Liar."

I held my hands close to my chest. No. "Craig-" this isn't how I wanted him to find out.

"You lied to me." he stared up at me, getting almost uncomfortably close.

"No, I-"

His eyebrows furrowed as he drew back his arm. I could his fist whip into the side of my head. I hit the wall roughly, the wind knocking out of me as I slid down. The tests went clinking away somewhere. I grabbed my aching temple.

"I let you into my life and I trusted you." his nostrils flared. "You cheated behind my back and got someone pregnant? Are you proud of yourself? Is this where you wanted to end up?"

"I- I didn't know." I stammered.

"Remember Kenny? You promised you'd be different." He yanked me up and spat. "Your just like him. Your no better, you're as about empty as your promises."

Craig started his way out the door. I followed close behind. "Get your shit when you come home. I want you out today. It'll be on the lawn."

"Craig, please don't leave!" I begged, watching him from the porch.

He lifted both hands to me, flipping me off. He opened the door to his car, sliding inside. I called after him, running nearly all the way up the street watching the tail lights getting farther and farther away.

I sniffed back any tears, ambling back to Rebecca who was waiting on the porch. She tugged me away, leading back inside.

She rubbed my arm, comfortingly. "It's alright."

"Yeah." I plopped on the couch.

She made me a warm pot of coffee, handing me the cup. Something had been bothering me. Something wasn't right. I almost was scared to ask.

"I thought you said you were on the pill." I inquired.

"Oh- I-I must have... I must have missed it." she tapped her hands together nervously.

She was always so calm around me... that meant only one thing.

"I don't believe that." I gave her a serious look. "Becca, did you plan to get pregnant?"

She was silent before tapping her hands together even faster. "I-I um... No!"

"Tell me the truth."

"Maybe," She dropped her head in disappointment. "It happened near ovulation. It's not like I planned it on that day or anything. I just..."

I held my head in my hands. I couldn't even believe what I was hearing.

"But it's only because I wanted you close to me. I really, really like you Tweek."

"You ruined my relationship with Craig. Your ruined everything just because you wanted to get close to me? Because you wanted to trap me with you by using a child? That isn't love that's just..." I felt my voice trail off.

"Tweek-"

I stood up from the couch, setting the cup on her coffee table. "I can't do this."

"I'm sorry. I just... I was so alone. I just want you close because I don't have anyone." I watched her sob hysterically into her hands. "I need someone. I need you, ever since we met I wanted you close to me. Then you met Craig."

She sniffled before growling. "That bastard always put you down. He was always so uncaring. I was always willing to give you anything you wanted because I loved you. I always have."

I let out a little sigh, watching her cling to me. "Please don't leave me too."

She was just another sad girl to me. I could remember when I was in her position. I still am in a way. I do love Rebecca but after what she did, I'm not so sure. It wasn't right. It wasn't like her. If that's the true Rebecca then I dunno...

I grasped her chin, lifting her face towards me.

"What you did was wrong." she pouted before sniffing. "But I love you all the same. Things had gotten stale between me and Craig. Maybe this is good. So as much as I should say no... yes, I'll stay."

She let out a little laugh before darting into my arms.

I guess it's okay to break away from the past.

It was okay to break away from Craig.

Things can change within an instant. A thought or a feeling... anything could really. The universe revolved around actions.

Actions hold consequences.


	7. Heaven

**Kammy in this one.**

**I love my stories dark if you couldn't tell. Being a hopelessly optimistic person I am, I probably will put more happy and sappy in. The next one will be a lot more fluff-tastic.**

**This was my favorite so far, I really enjoyed writing this one.**

**Don't use drugs, mm'kay~! No, like seriously, don't. It's stupid and a waste of time. :l**

* * *

What's heaven?

Every time someone mentions, 'heaven', it reminds me of that dumb old nursery rhyme. You know the one, 'this old man, he played seven. He played knick-knack up in heaven. With a knick-knack, paddy whack...' You know the rest.

But you probably want to know what heaven means to me. Three words: Alcohol, drugs and sex.

I liked going to the clubs in Denver, flashing my fake ID just for the thrill of getting in. I could go to any bar and pick up any lonely woman I wanted, young or old. You could use anything to get a woman in bed, choose your words smart and you'll have her melting in your hands.

I liked the thrill of something new. The thrill of 'doing something stupid' as Kyle called it. I was something from text books.

Name a drug and I've done it.

Name a drink and I've probably drank it.

Name a girl or guy and I've probably laid them out to dry already.

My liver was shot, my kidneys were made of stone and I had one tired yogurt slinger. Yeah, I'm a little vulgar. I think you kiddies can handle it.

If you want to know about my friends or Kyle, there isn't much to tell. My old friends left me a long time ago.

Around the time I was seventeen, I got high on a field trip and decided I was going to try to fly off the hotel in Denver. After that incident they stopped talking to me and cut me out of their lives like an infectious cancer.

They said that I was destroying my life and they wanted no part of it, not even Cartman.

But I was just living life. Living was about risk and I liked to take them.

I didn't want to be like Kyle and realize when I get older that I'm boring. That would be my worst nightmare. I wanna look back at my life and say I was something crazy. That I lived my life to the fullest.

I didn't have too many friends now. Maybe Craig when he felt like being around and sometimes Kelly when she would pick me up off of my bathroom floor when I was coated in the crust of my own vomit. Nice little visual for you guys.

I wasn't like I wasn't sociable anymore because I was. I could talk to anyone. I was the greatest con-artist when it came to relationships or any type of friendships. Weasel your way in and you start to know a chain of people. That gets you the women, the drugs and the partying.

Relationships and friendship come and go but there was always that one person who remained, no matter how much I pissed her off.

Tammy Warner.

"Tam-cat!" I shouted.

A woman was leaning against a brick building. That girl there was Tammy. Her shirt was baggy but cut right under her belly button and she still wore those same old shorts. She whipped her head in my direction before rushing to me. "Ken-poo~!"

I gave her a big hug, nearly squeezing the life out of her. "What's up babe, what do you need from me?" she yelped out from the bear hug.

I let her go staring into her eyes as she stared back into mine. We never once broke eye contact. I'll tell you why but I'll get to that in a minute.

"What do you mean, 'what do you need from me?'" I let out a scoff before pushing her playfully. "I thought we could hang out today."

"We hang out every day. I'm on the job." She turned her attention back to the empty road.

"Hey, I'll pay you anything you want." I propped my arm against the brick wall, closing the space between us. Just get her to jump in surprise. "I have the cash, I'll pay you by the hour. What's your usual rate?"

She didn't even budge. "Twenty." She blew a big pink bubble. I leaned even closer, biting it.

"Nah, how about fifty."

She let out a giggle, rolling the gum back in her mouth. "Okay Ken, I'll take up your deal. What do you wanna do today?"

My eyes shifted to hers as I gave her a smile. "You know any good dealers?"

Tammy gave me a wry look as she whipped out her disposable phone, dialing a number before passing it to me.

Tammy was always the girl who would do anything with me. Drugs to stealing. She was my partner in crime. She was someone I could trust, a friend.

With a smile and a taste of cherry lip gloss, she was almost like that chick from my hallucinations when I cheesed as a kid. Well, maybe not like her but still pretty close.

She was borderline perfect for me... but there were a few problems with her.

I was on the bad side of town in some alley with my hoodie up. This shady dealer said to meet him in this alley. One of Tammy's 'friend-of-a-friend-who-is-a-dealer' type of deals. She never knew the dealers directly, of course, that would make things too easy.

It was a particularly warm day in South Park. Kids were just getting off the buses from school and the sun was shining bright. Everything was hunky-dory in this little hick town.

I examined my surroundings cautiously. I've seen bad deals go awry. The supposed 'dealer' would riddle you with holes and take what you had.

Tammy, on the other hand, couldn't be bothered. She was sitting up against the alleyway, wiggling to the music in her head phones. She blew another bubble, snapping her fingers and singing to herself merrily.

I leered down at her, she's such a cutie.

I was starting to get anxious like Tweek. It had already been fifteen minutes and I was getting impatient.

I craned my neck up towards the sky to see a plane, gently flying by with a white plumb following behind it. I outstretched my hand towards it. I wonder what it would be like if I was on that plane. I'd probably be just another office man or something boring like that.

A shady man rounded the corner, nearly tripping over the oblivious Tammy.

"You McCormick?" he said in a gruff voice.

I kept my face about as vibrant as Craig's. "Yeah."

After all, it's just business.

I slid him money, he gave me what I wanted. I put the small baggy in my pocket, end of the deal. We both went our separate ways.

I nudged Tammy with my foot as she and I both made our way out of the alley to the sidewalk. For the sun mostly, mainly for safety.

Tammy skipped on the side-walk, bobbing her head to a beat I couldn't hear... thankfully.

I gave her a glare. "Would you stop listening to that dumb band?"

"What?" she giggled, jumping over the cracks.

"Those brothers. You know, whatever they're called. It's stupid."

She jiggled again before nearly stepping out in front of a car. I let out a gasp, yanking her arm back in time. Tammy fell into me as the car whizzed by. She growled, completely unaware. "Ken-poo, why did you do that?"

"You're so oblivious." I yanked head phones roughly with an exasperated sigh. "You're such a typical woman. Observe your environment."

"Typical woman?" She stuck out her bottom lip before furrowing her eyebrows. "I think I wanna go back to work."

"Well, I guess you don't want to try this new stuff I got." I teased, walking away just waiting to piqué her curiosity. And it would. Give her a minute.

I kept getting farther and farther away until I heard her flip-flops plopping on the side-walk.

"New stuff?" she brightened, hovering over me. "What is it?!"

"It's a secret until we get home. Maybe you'll have to pay me for once." I teased.

She hopped over more cracks, clasping my hand. I watched her dance around.

She told me would have wanted to be a dancer. Although she's not too light on her toes. But, we both knew she couldn't for more obvious reasons...

"A slut hanging out with a piece of trash like me. Kinda predictable isn't it?" I felt myself utter out loud. I could have slammed my head into the building beside me. Why did I say that?

She halted completely. Tammy twirled on her heel, her lips curved in an amused expression. "Slut is such a vulgar word, let's just call me a woman of the night. Oh! Or an escort! I think I want to upgrade."

Thank god she's in one of her good moods.

"Wait, I'm a piece of trash? You never said I wasn't." I defended.

"No," she lifted a finger. "you're poor white trash." she added.

Tammy was your average hooker. Slightly older; around her mid-twenties, pessimistic and uneducated. Don't let her dumb personality fool you either. She was slick. Sly as a fox. A sociopath with no regard to reason.

They say that a sociopath can look into your eyes for a long time. She could con her way into anyone's heart. Hell, she was the better con-artist than me. She stole my heart right from under my nose. But that's what I like about her.

Come to think of it we're exactly the same. Opposites just don't attract sometimes.

I met her one night when I was drunk out of my mind. I remember stumbling down the streets as she approached me. Giving me a view of her sales like she was a proprietor. With a glint in her eye she led me to one of those sleazy hotels. Come to think of it, nothing really happened. She and I talked for so long, until I sobered.

She told me I was her cutest customer and I owed her nothing. She left me her number and with a kiss, she disappeared up the street.

Since then, we've always been close and I fell in love with her.

I don't pay her. Don't you think for a second I do. She's too good for that... it's not even considered a job to me. It's wrong. I'll give her money for certain things but never outright pay her. I won't encourage that and I don't think she would either.

I wanted her to quit that 'job', I wanted her to be happy. I was just fooling myself. That would never happen. Tammy would always be Tammy, even if it ended up killing her.

She had no regard to reason. She had her own motives.

Back at home, Tammy dipped into the wall in the bathroom panting, falling right on her bottom. Her eyes becoming fixated on the ceiling. She let out another loud snort, wiping her nose on her arm.

I came into the bathroom with a glass of water. When doing any drug I liked having water. I know it's weird but, if I don't my mouth turns into a desert. It ruins my high. "You starting without me?"

She nodded, her chest rising and falling quickly. "I cut you one already."

I couldn't help but laugh."You feeling it yet, Tam-cat?" I joked.

I held my nostril before dipping into the little line she made for me.

Her head nodded all around. Her eye lids drooping slightly as she sniffed. "I think so." A little late on the conversation I see.

I let out a chuckle plopping on the floor across from her.

She flopped on the tiles, feeling them with her fingers as she giggled. "I feel so tingly. Like, when you kiss someone you really like or you drink something really warm. It feels so good."

I laughed, watching her flop on the floor like a fish out of water. She sat up suddenly, looking towards me. "Why don't you ever kiss me Kenny?"

Ugh, this again. Tammy had a habit of hitting on me really hard when she was high. She didn't have a high tolerance like me. I knew she didn't like me, it was just the drugs... Probably. I think...

She crawled towards me, leaning up to my lips. "Just kiss me already."

I took her by surprise, grabbed her up into my arms, holding her tight. "You're so dumb."

She buried herself deeper into my embrace. "I've heard of this stuff, some of the girls I know do it. So they don't care anymore. You could rip _them_ in half and I don't think they'd feel it."

She seemed empty when she spoke. I know what she was talking about too.

"Jesus Christ Tam-cat, way to ruin the mood." it almost came out too easily.

I was starting to feel it too. It was like something was warm in the back of my spine, almost like an adrenaline rush. It was instant euphoria. Everything felt so good, every time Tammy would touch me it felt so intense.

Everything was so loud but really quiet. I felt like I wasn't even in my body, I was just floating.

It's like I didn't care about anything either.

I saw a glimpse of her nodding off again, I shook her. "Tam, you gotta stay awake."

She let out a tiny yawn before cuddling up into my chest. "Shut up Ken, I'm tireeeed."

"Come on, I'll take you upstairs. I'll clean up down here and we'll have a little fun, maybe watch TV."

She peered up at me with an innocent smile. "Will you make love to me?"

My face got red, I probably had steam coming out of my ears. Make love? Ahhhh, uh... what? She was really, really high. I guess it wasn't _that_ bad to say. Plus, it was kind of cute to hear something other than 'screwing' or 'fucking' from someone.

"Here," I took her to my bedroom, laying her down in the cot. "Just don't go to sleep. I'll be back in a few."

She grasped my arm. "I love you Kenny." she patted the bed next to her, purring. "Come on babe, I gotta thank you somehow."

"That's just the drugs talking sweetie," I watched her close. "Besides, I wouldn't want to ruin my high."

She huffed before laying back, spreading out her limbs. "But I do Ken-poo, I love you sooo much. Why can't I show you how much I love you? That is my profession you know."

I winced.

She taunted me. "You afraid I might break your heart? I'll be real nice to you. I know how to treat all of my customers." She cuddled into the pillows before letting out another fluttery laugh.

I cringed. What, I'm just another customer to her? I sighed rolling my eyes, what a brat.

That girl was something else. My high was already gone and I felt like I had to puke. It wasn't that great, it just made me feel like I was coming down way too fast. What a stupid drug. I wonder if Tammy ever did this to 'numb the pain' or something.

Those men don't know Tammy like I do. They also don't care about her. They just want what they paid for. Easy sex and their way. I don't think her customers are all that young. More like fat, old married men. Her profession is twisted. I could never do anything like that... and live with myself afterwards.

One of these days she's going to end up dead.

Twenty dollars for an hour with her? Anything for that hour and just twenty bucks? Someone could really hurt her. What if one of these days she doesn't come back or someone kidnaps her? She was pretty and _almost_ naïve.

She wouldn't tell me if she got hurt. She wasn't the type to talk about her feelings. She would pretend everything was okay with a big smile.

God, I don't want to see her hurt.

I glance into the mirror. Sweat was starting to collect on my forehead, making my blonde hair sticky. I had bags under my eyes. I looked almost sickly. I ran my hand through my sticky locks.

Ugh, this stuff is really starting to wear off. I feel like shit and I need to puke.

I saw the baggie on the counter. It was almost empty. Wait, that's not right...

Oh my god.

The bag was empty with a few little crumbs inside. That was supposed to last a long time.

This isn't good. She cut the lines wrong! She's gonna kill us. Who makes the lines that long? Who uses that much?!

I wondered why I was feeling so strange, my thoughts went back to Tammy, how much of a lightweight she was.

I about rushed up the stairs. I busted open the door to see Tammy face down in the pillows. I hurried over to her side, pulling her back up to me. She wasn't breathing and she felt waxy to the touch. Tammy was completely limp.

I patted her face, squeezing her cheeks. "Tammy!"

I moved her shirt up a little. I noticed a few large sickly looking black and red bruises littering her stomach.

I grimaced, goddamn it I knew it. I would kill whoever did this to her. I'd absolutely bludgeon him...

I tried to concentrate on the matter at hand. I started to grind my knuckles on her breast bone. I waited for the response, but it never came. Nothing, not even a flinch.

Shit, shit, shit!

I carried her bridal style, hurrying down the stairs. I lost my balance, nearly stumbling down the last few steps. My legs felt like rubber and my head was pounding and spinning.

I rushed into the bathroom, starting the bath.

I turned the nozzle as far as it would go before dropping her in the tiny tub. I watched the cold water fill up around her. That porcelain claw foot bathtub was useless up until this point. She was the first one to ever use it and definitely won't be the last. I'd make sure of that.

I jerked her shoulders, shaking her slightly. "Come on Tam."

I started splashing the cold water on her face as she drifted there.

"Come on. Wake up!" I croaked out. "I told you don't go to sleep. I told you!"

I checked her pulse. There was still a slow beat under my thumb.

I opened her mouth, putting a few fingers inside, clearing whatever was in there. I stuck my lips onto hers, breathing into her lungs. I started to push on her chest, making the water around her shift violently. "Come on!"

I wasn't going to let her just die. I wasn't going to have that on my conscience. I knew she'd come back if I tried a little harder.

I did that for a full five minutes; screaming and begging her to come back but nothing. Not even a _slight_ response.

I felt my bottom lip tremble as I slouched back on my knees looking down at the girl.

She just floated there. Her eyes shut peacefully. Her long brown locks clung to her face. She seemed calm and happy.

Happy and dead.

I rested my head on the edge of bathtub, feeling a trembling sigh pass through my lips.

I choked back a little whine. "Tammy I told you..."

I won't ever see her smiling face ever again. I won't ever get to see those big brown eyes or the taste of her cherry lip-gloss. I won't ever get to see her bouncing around to her terrible taste in music or the way she would say Ken-poo.

Gone.

Tammy was gone. Just like that. Ripped right out of my arms. I never got to tell her all those things I felt. Hell, all those things I've been meaning to tell her. I could have told her tonight, so many times. It almost seemed like it was being dangled in front of me.

I could have told her I loved her. Why didn't I? Even if we were both high, at least I would have told her how I felt.

God, why couldn't it have been me? At least I would have woken back up in bed. If it was me, she'd still be here. If it was me...

I slammed my fist into the door. I bit my aching fist, trying desperately to squeeze back tears.

I let out a pitiful sob.

I just hit the door more. I wasn't going to cry. I let out another sputter, holding my head as I crouched down.

God, why did you take away the only thing I had left? I didn't have any friends of my own and I didn't have the family I always wanted. Everyone abandoned me. I don't have anyone but her. Why couldn't you take me instead? At least I would have came back.

I heard something erupt from the tub.

I jumped up from my position, running to the bathtub. I about flung myself over the side. "Tammy?"

She was coughing and sputtering before she took a deep breath. Tammy sat up from the water, dripping wet. She blinked up at me in a trembling mess. She was wide-eyed, more frightened than I had ever seen her.

I was just watching her with my mouth agape.

She flung herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck in a tight hug. I squeezed her roughly.

"Oh my god, Tam don't ever scare me like that again."

"Ke-Kenny." she barely sniveled out.

"I love you so much. God," I pulled her back just to look at her. Admire her. I cupped her face. "Goddamn it Tam-cat, I love you."

She hiccupped, grasping my hands. "I love you too. I-I love you so much."

"We're getting clean you hear me, babe? I want us to get out of here and get real jobs. I don't want you on the streets anymore." I held her face tightly. "We're going to be so happy."

She nodded, biting her lips as she nearly cried. Hell, I was openly sobbing in front of her. I planted a fat kiss on her lips."I love you Tam, you hear that? I love you." I was smiling a mile long.

I took a fleeting look out into the crowd of teenagers, wiping the occasional bead of sweat on my forehead. Man, it was hard to be entertaining.

I gripped the microphone tighter in my hands, seeing the principle with an not so amused expression. "... And a few years later here I am. Seriously kiddies, drugs fuc- I mean, uhh... mess up your life." I gave a little wave, giving up the microphone to the man before heading off stage. "See ya later kids!"

I loosened my collar, rushing into the back stage to a woman.

"Tam-cat!" I shouted.

The woman was peeking behind the long blue curtain. This time she looked professional, little to no make-up nor short-shorts that squeezed the life out of her thighs. Everything screamed pride and preening. She rushed into me. "Ken-poo~!"

I gave her a big hug, nearly squeezing the life out of her. "What's up babe, what do you need from me?" she yelped out from the bear hug, like always.

"How was my speech?"

She tapped her finger on her chin, humming. "Probably a six out of ten. I wish you wouldn't bring up me being a 'woman of the night'. It's embarrassing."

"Hey, it's a true story Tammy. I got a bestseller out of our story." I nudged her. "I'm a master writer now. You're going to be married to this guy someday."

"More like, 'got lucky at writing'. There are a lot better writers than you." Tammy scoffed before she lifted the tiny car seat to me. "He's been asleep all day. Maybe daddy should wake him up."

I let out a little squeal, peeking at my little guy sleeping peacefully. He was a lot like his father, he slept like a rock. Actually, he looked a lot like me. Blonde hair and big bright blue eyes. Tammy said he's going to take after her.

I hope he doesn't start dancing around to bad music.

I reached inside, gently placing him my arms. He opened his eyes for a second before nodding back to sleep, suckling on his binky.

"Jeez, he's really zonked out." I smelt something a little funky. I wrinkled my nose. "Ugh, someone needs to go back to mommy."

Tammy took him up in her arms before giggling. "Someone's got the stinkies~!" she sung, twirling him around in her arms. After the whole ordeal and my book being published, I gave Tammy what she'd always wanted. Dance classes. You should have seen her face when I told her she was going.

Me and Tammy were making out way out of the high school. I sighed, taking in that South Park air. Tammy opened the car door before setting my little guy inside, changing him in a hurry.

I glanced out towards the school for the last time before I noticed it.

Oh my God.

A few familiar faces were coming towards me. It was none other than Kyle, Stan and Cartman. Kyle held a few balloons along with some roses. I wonder who those are for?

"We saw you leave so we hurried out here to see if you were still around." Stan grinned.

"Hey guys, Been a while since I've been in South Par-"

Kyle interrupted me by shoving the bouquet in my hands before rushing over to Tammy. "Ooooooh! Let me see that little _mashugana_!" He about snatched my little guy right out of Tammy's arms.

That really woke him up. He cracked open his eyes. I thought he was going to start screaming. Kyle started making weird faces and noises. "You look just like you dad. I hope your nothing like that idiot. Isn't that right ya little pooper?"

Little Kenny went into a giggle fit pasted his binky.

I think it's because of Kyle's fluffy reddish-brown jewfro. It makes him look like a poodle. I can't believe he lets that thing grow out. I have to admit, I kinda wanna touch it...

Stan slapped my back, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Nice to see you doing your little speech tour around again."

Cartman cracked a grin. "No more fun or stupid shit?"

I let out a laugh with a satisfied grin spreading on my lips. "Nah, I think I'm fine with being boring for a while."


	8. Innocence

**So here I am with another Creek fic, innocence.**

**I got angry that it wasn't up to par with my other stuff so I took it down. Now here it is, not as wonderful as I want it but damn near good enough!**

**It's as fluffy as I could make it. I thought it was adorable that Ike was copying Craig's dirty looks, aka the stink eye.**

* * *

I hate kids a lot.

I hated babies the most. When I was a kid and Ruby was born, I used to fling baby food at her face. All she used to do was cry, poop, eat and maybe sleep a little in between.

When she started to walk, I used to push her down. I also taught her a lot of bad words when she started to talk. I was pretty mean to my sister. I only started like her when she grew up. like, around thirteen.

I really didn't enjoy kids and neither did Tweek.

Not surprising. I think if Tweek had a baby of his own he'd be freaking out. He'd think it'd be 'too much pressure' or something.

Me and Tweek moved in together in a little house near town. It wasn't picture perfect or anything. No kids running in the yard or one dog by the doorstep, no, that wasn't us.

We both swore off kids like it was alcoholics anonymous and decided to get guinea pigs. So, those were our children. We had Stripe II. and Stripe III. I named them, can you tell?

They are my pride and joy.

A perk of being like... well, _different_, was not worrying about kids. Come to think of it, I've really never told anyone about our relationship. I liked it that way. I really wasn't proud of being... like _that_. It was more like a secret.

That's how it should be. I'm ashamed of it really.

I don't want to be different.

I tried dating women but I never felt a spark. I had what Kenny called, a' fag hag' for a few years before moving onto Tweek, but that's another story for another day...

Anyways, my neighbor visited me recently and I wasn't too happy.

She brought with her that adopted baby from Canada. She got on her bended knee, pleading me to babysit him, I was miffed to say the least. She went on and on about travelling down to New Jersey with her oldest son Kyle for a bar mitzvah. Ike couldn't go because she couldn't focus on two kids or something like that.

Tell you the truth, I wasn't listening.

"I'm begging you. Me and my husband need somewhere for our little Ike to go!"

"Sorry, Mrs. Beansprouts but I can't."I said tediously.

"That's Broflovski. And I can pay you. You and Tweek seem responsible. You know, you're mother and I are good friends." She tried to word her next sentence a little subtle but completely failed. "I heard from your mother how you two are a... couple. I personally don't believe in what you and Tweek do but-"

I ignored the rest, hearing the words 'pay'. My eyebrow rose in curiosity. Watch that little brat and get paid? Choice. "How much."

"I'll pay you thirty dollars."

Whoa, talk about Jewish. "That's almost two days. Thirty dollars isn't much. How about a hundred or so?"

"Fine, fine whatever you want. Just make sure my bubbala is taken care of." she lifted her arm, placing a diaper bag on my doorstep. "Diapers, formula, ointments and other little things if you need it. I left a list of my cell phone number and any contact information you need. Also, my little Ike can only eat Kosher food. Do you know what that is?"

I wasn't even listening. "Yup."

"Good. I have a crib for you." She rushed to her car, grabbing the compacted crib. "Well, that's everything."

"Are you forgetting something?" She shook her head, I put my hand on my face. Is she really that much of an air-head? "What about the baby?"

"Right, right!" she hurried to the backseat, producing a little car seat, hauling the little tike to my front door.

"Now, watch him close and when he sleeps shift him around. I don't want him getting a flat head. You got that? He still can't talk either so I don't think he'll be that much of a problem. Such a late bloomer. Kyle started talking around..."

Jesus Christ this woman likes to talk. I just nodded.

"Great." She bent down on her knees, kissing Ike's cheek, leaving a little red stain. "See you little my little bubbala, mommy will miss you very much!"

I watched her get into the car with her family in tow, speeding off down the street without another word.

I glanced down to the baby in the car seat. Thank god he was sleeping.

I carried everything inside, throwing it aside. I placed the car seat on the couch next to me. I propped my feet up on the coffee table, dipping back another drink of my soda.

I'm so hungry but I'm so lazy to get up. Well, while I'm just thinking here, do you wanna know about Tweek? Well, Tweek and I met in high school. He took art and art history with me. He sat near the window, peering out. I remember how nice he looked.

Well, we had an assignment. I had to take a picture and do a charcoal drawing. I remember Tweek approaching me with a camera before mumbling out how he wanted my picture. There was this little room off to the side that the kids would use for, 'photo shoots'. Well, one thing led to another in that little room. I think I'm the one who started it.

Things were never the same for both of us.

I peered into the little car seat. He was fast asleep, murmuring and smacking his lips.

Nope, still not cute.

Babies never interested me. When Clyde knocked up Bebe in high school, I used to baby sit that little fatty. All she would do was sleep. Bebe used to get so angry. "Don't let her sleep all day, I want to sleep at night, ya know!" I could still hear her nagging. All I'm saying is if a baby is sleeping, let it sleep.

A few episodes of Red Racer later and I heard a little muffle from the baby. I was sitting on pins and needles. I was silently begging for that little dork to keep quiet.

He hiccupped before murmuring out. "Blooo."

That was close.

I could really go for a cigarette.

I dug in my pockets. I usually have one lying around somewhere. My face brightened as I pulled out the lone fag I had been craving. I lit it with the lighter on the coffee table, taking a long drag. I felt the nicotine rush right to my brain. I took a fleeting look over to the baby. I felt completely terrible about smoking around a baby. I died it out in the ashtray before sitting back. I happened to turn my attention to Ike...

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw him staring at me.

Ike kept gaping at me like I was an alien or something. His face contorted, giving me the stink eye.

"Hey there. You're Ike right? I'm Craig." I pointed at him. Ike reached up, grabbing my finger. I shook his little arm gently. "Nice to make the acquaintance." I tugged my digit away.

He stuffed his fingers in his mouth. "Bloo." he babbled. God, babies are stupid.

"Let's get this straight now, no spitting up, no babbling and most importantly under no circumstances do you cry."

He held out his little arms to me grunting and whining. "No." Ike let out another groan and whimper, flailing out his arms to me. "No." I said again. "I don't hold babies."

He started to whine and cry loudly. His face turned a tomato color before he started screaming. I just turned up the volume louder on my TV.

He just got even louder, shrieking on the top of his lungs. I put the volume on the TV as high as it would go, drowning out Ike's crying. I crossed my arms heatedly.

I saw the door open as Tweek entered, his face went from pleasant to instantly panicked. He held his ears letting out a loud shriek with a few twitches. "AGH! WHATS GOING ON?!"

He rushed over to me, grabbing the remote from my hands before muting Red Racer. The baby continued to scream and cry frantically. He gazed inside the car seat curiously. "Is that a baby?"

"No, it's a dog." I readjusted my hat. "The next door neighbor wanted me to watch her kid. Don't worry, were getting paid. He just won't stop crying."

"Do you know why?"

"No."

Tweek huffed before reaching inside, pulling the baby into his arms. "Well, maybe because he's got a dirty diaper." Tweek with a jitter, whispered down to him. "Are you hungry little guy?"

The baby peered at him with a wide-eyed expression, a little cry leaving his mouth. Maybe it was because Tweek was so funny looking. Those untamed cowlicks and the bags that hung under his eyes and his freakishly large statue. No really, Tweek is taller than me.

"Aw. Shh, shh, don't cry. You okay you little stinker doodle?" Tweek puckered his lips talking down to Ike in a silly voice, his nervousness melting away.

The baby cooed before gawking up at Tweek. They both scooted into me as Tweek propped the baby on his lap. "You wanna play games and leave that sour ol' Craig alone?"

He dug around in his pocket, pulling out keys. He jingled them in front of Ike's face. Ike giggled happily, grasping them. He stuck in the tiny key chain that said, 'java king' into his mouth.

"Agh! bad idea!" Tweek searched through the diaper bag, holding up a little stuffed bear. "Oooh! What's this? Something that isn't sharp?"

Ike dropped the keys almost immediately, snatching up the bear. He drooled and giggled.

I observed Tweek's behavior. This had been the longest time he had gone without jittering and well, tweeking out.

He played, 'ittsy bitsy spider' and 'peek-a-boo' for at least thirty minutes. That Ike was really starting to laugh. He was laughing so much tears rolled down his face.

You know, that loud laugh babies do? It's like a cry but louder. That kind of laugh that can break the sound barrier. It's really annoying.

Tweek hid his face, letting out a loud noise, revealing his funny face."Peek-a-Boo!" Ike tried to imitate him with a giggle, placing his tiny hand over his face. "Blooo."

"Craig," Tweek mumbled to me. "Why don't you go make him a bottle?"

"Why should I?" Today was a Red Racer marathon. Like hell I was going to miss the marathon. The new episode came on in a few hours!

"Because, it might be time for dinner for this little guy." Tweek went through the small bag, handing me a few cans and a baby bottle. "Here, just put some water in a bottle, microwave it then put in a little formula."

"Since when are you little miss parent? I thought you hated kids."

"Yeah, kids. Not babies." Tweek smiled, tickling Ike's sides making him roll into laughter. "Babies -ngh- are cute!"

With an exasperated sigh, I went to work. I placed a bit of water in a bottle, shoving it in the microwave for two minutes. I set everything to two minutes, then pull it out when it just right. I dunno why, I think I was too lazy to type in the numbers.

I took it out before I put a few scoops of formula.

Ugh, the smell of baby formula. It reminds me of feet. Disgusting.

I held out the bottle before Tweek grabbed it graciously. "Did you test it?"

"How do I do that?"

Tweek switched Ike in his arms before holding out the bottle, squirting the hot substance on his wrist. He cradled Ike in his arms, placing the rubber nipple in his awaiting mouth. A few sucks and the milk was almost gone. That only meant one thing, more trips to the kitchen. "Aw, he's so hungry! Look Craig."

"No." I said flatly, flopping on the couch.

Tweek perked his lips up, talking silly. "Don't listen to mean ol' Craig. He's just stupid. Isn't he~?"

Ike grinned, spitting up a bit of milk from his mouth. Tweek wiped it off with his thumb, cuddling the baby close. Gross, I gotta keep that in mind that he just rubbed away spit up from a kids mouth.

After a minute or so I noticed the sound of sucking air through the bottle, Tweek turned to me. Ugh...

"Craig, can you make me another bottle, please?"

I sighed, getting up without another word. I snatched the bottle away.

I put the bottle in the microwave for two minutes. I stared up at the ceiling, spacing out.

Goddamn.

It kinda made me a little angry with all that attention that one baby needed. I mean, lay him down and let him sleep. If you coddle a baby too much it'll get clingy. My dad never coddled me, well, mom did but dad couldn't have cared less.

He never had time for me. He loved spending time with Ruby. He said that she was like the boy he always wanted.

A loud beep echoed from the microwave. Shit, I forgot all about the bottle!

I took it out, I instantly dropped it, scolding water went everywhere. "Son of a bitch!" I called out, rushing to the sink. My hands were literally burning from the water.

I could hear shuffling as Tweek peeked in at me. "You okay there?"

"Fine." I grunted out as nice as I could muster. I just got my hand burnt off by boiling water so no, I'm not exactly okay. I ran my hands under cold water, the pads of my palms were still pink and numb. I craned my neck over at the two.

I focused on Ike, his features contorted, giving me the stink eye. I narrowed my eyes at him. That baby was pure evil.

I dried my hands as Tweek nearly passed me the baby like a football. I hissed. "Ow! My hands are burnt man!" I held Ike as far away from me as possible.

"Sorry, I'll clean up the kitchen and make some mashed potatoes to put in his milk. That should fill him up."

I let out a groan, rolling my eyes. Tweek is such an annoying mother. Just ignore that I have second degree burns.

I went back into the living room to watch then last few minutes of Red Racer. I held Ike on my lap on the couch. He kept giving me a weird look, craning his neck towards me before giving me an apprehensive look.

"What are you looking at flappy head?" Ike's eyebrows furrowed at the comment.

After a few minutes Tweek came in with a grin, holding a bottle. "Dinner time!"

"When is our dinner time?" I almost pouted.

My stomach was growling and getting tiny pains. Tweek was the cook, I couldn't cook to save my life.

"Craig, I don't have time. Why don't you make yourself a sandwich?"

I sighed loudly, walking myself out to the kitchen.

It was like that for an hour or so. Cute talk to the baby, feeding the baby, washing the baby, give the baby all the attention and leave me with a crummy sandwich.

I was ordered to put that collapsible crib together while Tweek washed up Ike or something. I didn't care. I was having a little problem with it. I rattled it before sitting up right. I really hope Tweek would stay with him on the couch tonight. I liked sleep.

Tweek came downstairs with Ike, his black hair semi wet from a bath. He was dressed in air plane footsies. I had a pair of those when I was his age. Funny how things just stick. "Ohhh, the baby is all ready for bed~!"

Tweek placed him in the crib.

I peered down at Ike, he kicked and made raspberries at me. That kid _really_ doesn't like me and he's stealing my Tweek away from me.

Tweek twisted to me with an amorous look. "I want one."

"I don't like kids." I glared back.

"What if I wanna adopt or something?" Tweek jittered a little, pulling at his shirt. "There are all sorts of thing gay couples can-"

"I told you no. We got guinea pigs."

"Come on Craig, do you really want guinea pigs as kids the rest of our lives? I _sure_ do." he said sarcastically.

Tweek leaned inside the crib, lifting a very awake Ike. "Here just hold him. Relax and he'll relax." Ike kicked and flailed his legs, blowing spit at me.

"What, can they smell fear too?" I awkwardly put my hands around him. I guess it wasn't that bad... I heard a little noise come from his throat as he burped out something wet all over my hoodie. Oh gross.

I yanked him back disgusted. He threw up milk all over me. Ike gave me another stink eye. Yup, this baby is pure evil, straight from Canada.

"God, I can't wait until Ike's gone. I'll be sooo happy." I placed him in the crib. I nearly ripped the hoodie off my back. It stinks like formula.

Tweek glowered at me, he snapped. "Unbelievable." He stormed out of the house. He slammed the door loudly making Ike jump.

Now what's his problem?

I followed him outside, seeing him sulking on the steps.

"Tweek?"

"Maybe... Just maybe I want kids, you know? Why don't you ever consider my feelings?" he glared over at the snow. Little white clouds hovered in front of his face.

"Come on Tweek, get back inside. It's cold."

"I want to have a little baby of my own someday. I want to experience what everyone our age is doing. Look at Stan and Wendy, she's pregnant. Look- look at Clyde and Bebe, they had their first kid way back in high school."

Oh my God. Tweek is really going to act like a spoiled brat over a baby?

"You just want a kid because everyone else has one? Isn't that a little bratty of you?"

"Is this about us being gay?" Tweek's eyes shifted to mine. "This is like the whole marriage thing. I wanted you to marry me-"

"Oh please, save me the melodrama." I let out a groan.

"You didn't want to marry me because you were embarrassed of me. You said that only normal people get married."

I could feel the anger boiling up in my face. "We're NOT normal, Tweek. No matter how much you want us to be we're not."

"Craig, just stop being some homophobic queen."

"I'm the queen? You're waiting hand and feet on that little shit in there. I'm so much more masculine than you will ever be so don't even try to act like you're the big tough guy. Fuck you." I spat venomously.

Tweek's face dropped as he started down the street. I let out a loud sigh. "Come on, Tweek, don't go. I didn't mean it."

Tweek whipped to me before screaming. "I didn't know I was such a problem. You don't want people knowing we're gay and having problems with our love life?!"

I noticed a few people peeking out of windows and stopping on the streets. I felt my eyes dart all around. "What are you talking about?"

"You going to keep me your dirty secret forever?!" Tweek snarled before shouting. "He's too embarrassed to admit it but he's a faggot! Craig Tucker, the quiet asshole in South Park likes men! I date Craig Tucker!"

"Tweek." I warned angrily. "Stop it."

"I'm not a friend or just some guy, I'm your goddamn life partner! Treat me like one." He shot back.

People started to come outside with a mix of amused and worried expressions watching us... freaks fight.

"Tweek, shut up. You're just angry." I seethed.

"Yeah, well I have every right to be. I'm going to my parents. Good luck with the baby." He stuck his hands in his pockets, walking up the street.

I huffed, looking out at the people starting to stare. I flipped them off causally before shutting the door behind me.

Ike saw sitting up, looking over at me with puppy dog eyes. He cried. "Bloo?"

I ignored him as his eyes followed me to the couch.

"Blooo?" he called again.

I laid back, looking up at the ceiling.

What am I doing with my life? I'm twenty-three going on twenty-four and I'm afraid of kids? It sounds almost childish. I don't want to be a dad that is way too old. My daughter would eighteen and I'd be fifty-two.

I rolled on my side. But, two guys adopting a kid? It just doesn't look good. That's why I never really married Tweek. I want him close... but marriage? I don't think I could handle that.

Ike started to snivel and whine. I made my way over before I picked him up awkwardly, cradling him close. "Your such a little pain. You smell and your funny looking."

Ike started up at me with his big brown eyes. I drooped my head, defeated.

"I don't mean to take it out on you. I just don't wanna be like my dad, you know?"

Ike blinked, watching me close as I continued. "My dad never did show me much attention. He always thought I should have been masculine and tough. A football star maybe even an astronaut."

I sat on the couch, letting him stand on my legs. "I was always looking in the other direction. I was boring. I liked things the same. My idea of fun was sitting at home with my guinea pigs and watching Red Racer."

Ike cooed. "Blooo?"

"Yeah, he used to yell at me about all that crap all the time, you should have seen his face when he figured out his son didn't really liked the vaginas too much..."

Ike grinned, yanking at my chullo. "Bloooo."

"I'm just terrified. Hell, I'm not even comfortable with myself. I'm not even comfortable in my own skin. I just don't want to make the same mistakes my dad made."

Ike features brightened before exclaiming. "Da-da-da?"

"Yeah, da-da-da." I hugged him close, feeling somewhat close to tears. That slight tingle anyway. I blinked it away.

"I haven't felt this upset in a while." I held him out in front of me. "Even though I hate babies, your alright with me. I guess you get my badge of approval."

He hiccupped his face dropping. He started to whine and kick. He started to cry. "What's wrong?" Ike writhed again, hiccupping. His face got red as he grunted, his mouth started to leak drool.

I placed him over my shoulder like I watched Tweek do and started to pat Ike's back. He spat up again. I could feel the warm spit up all over my grey tee-shirt.

"You feeling better?" I let out a sigh of relief. "Don't scare me like that." He sniveled and grinned. I gave him the stink eye and he gave me one right back. I placed him in his crib, covering him up.

"I think you already a good dad." I heard someone say behind me. I twirled on my heel towards the door, I jumped about ten feet. I saw a familiar blonde leaning against the wall. "Tweek?"

"I heard everything... I was worried about you two. I thought you would leave him on his stomach or something."

Gotta hand it to Tweek, he thinks I'm a good father but I'll leave the baby on its stomach. He contradicts himself more than I do.

"I'm sorry about everything I said." Tweek punched me side, I looked up. "What are you so worried about it? Look at you, you're already a great father. You are a product of you. Be the father you wanna be."

I gave Tweek a crooked grin. I never thought he'd say anything like that to me.

"And the gay thing... Look, this is who you are. You can't un-gay yourself." he shrugged. "People won't be so accepting of it but I'll be here. I'll always stand up for you. If someone knocks you down I'll always be there to pick you up again."

Tweek yanked me into a tight hug. I buried my face in his chest as he rubbed my back comfortingly.

"I love you." I mumbled. Tweek smiled, pressing his lips against mine.

The next day, me and Ike were playing, 'ittys bitty spider' in total secret. Tweek was still passed out on the couch. Ike kept us up nearly all night with his crying. Tweek offered to take care of him and in my sleepy daze I let him.

He must have been up half the morning.

I got up early with Ike. I fed him, changed him and cleaned him up. I could do Tweek's job easy. I was happily singing along with him as he cooed out babble. I grinned, sprawled out on the floor holding him up above me.

Ike gave a giggle. "Blooooo."

"I'm blue?" I sat up, pulling off my hat. "This blue?"

"Ba-ba-ba." he clapped a little before sticking his hands in his mouth.

I let out a snort before putting my hat on his head. "There, now your blue too."

I heard a few knocks at the door. I carried Ike on my hip to the door, opening it.

Sheila stood in the door way with a red-head. The boy was dressed in orange and green. I could only presume it was Kyle.

"Ike!" Kyle squealed snatching him from me.

I felt a little pang.

"Craig! I can see you finally warmed up to my little baby." Sheila held out a check. "Here's the money I owe you."

Ike let out a whimper, wiggling in Kyle's arms before going into a crying fit, reaching out to me.

"Huh? What, what ,what? What's wrong sweetie?"Shelia called as Kyle fumbled with him.

"Da-da-da-da-da! Da!" He cried, flailing his little arms at me. "Dada!"

Shelia seized him up from Kyle. "Ike, what did you say?"

"Da." he whined. "-ada."

Everything seemed to stop.

Shelia grimaced. "Oh my. No Ike, Craig is not your father."

Ike protested again before struggling.

"I can always watch him a little bit longer." I grinned, grabbing my hat off his head.

"No, that's enough. I don't want Ike getting confused with their being two... men in the house." she gave me a fake smile. "Thanks again."

Ike was being carried off across the yard. He cried out, squeezing his hands to me. "Dada! Dada!" he bawled.

I lifted my hand, giving him a tiny wave as I felt a wave of sadness hit me. I could always go back and see him. I had to give back their stuff anyway, Shelia must be an airhead because she forgot everything.

Maybe I could squeeze in some time with Ike. He was just starting to wear off on me too.

Maybe, having a kid around wouldn't be so bad.

I took a deep breath before letting it out. I closed the door.


	9. Drive

**I've always wanted to live like Tammy and Kenny in this thingy.**

**I was talking with a friend about a desire to be homeless and it sparked this thing (although he found it to be ridiculous). He knew a lot of nomads and homeless travelers himself. **

**Ahhh... The nomad life! Some people can do it and others... _cannot._ I like to think I could.**

**But, I guess it's not the 70's anymore, I heard that it was easier back then. I don't think I could just be a nomad with some stranger nowadays! Lol.**

* * *

The air today feels almost magical, like every other day for the past few months.

Anything feels possible and... wonderful.

Life is wonderful.

I gagged again, spitting into a cup. More of that pink, bloody phlegm. I put another tissue up my nose, trying to soak up as much blood as I could. Why won't it stop bleeding? I yanked the balled tissue out of my nostrils, throwing them out the window. I sniffled a little. Why can't I feel good for one day?

I'm falling apart by the seams.

I tugged at the wheel, taking sharp turn onto the highway.

The highways were sort of empty this time of year. It was snowing hard near the mountains but I was used to this. I was just leaving Denver and passing through the Rockies. Now you're probably asking where? Well, I dunno yet.

That's the fun part anyways.

Living life is wonderful.

I had at least four sweaters on and I was still freezing my ass off. I was cold but I was also sweating. I had it pooling on my neck and chest. My hair matted to my forehead.

Maybe I was just one of those people now that were cold all the time. I usually always had the chills. Chills and sweats and a general ache. Half the time I didn't feel like traveling but I did it anyways.

I licked my lips again. It feels like someone glued corn flakes to my bottom lip.

I looked at my gauges. From what I can see, I'm almost on empty. This go-go action bronco is always hungry for more gas and I'm running out of money again.

My stomach rumbled again. I held my tummy like a pregnant woman. I haven't eaten in a few days. I was contemplating on eating my arm. But I need my arms so I decided it was a bad decision all around.

If it wasn't obvious by now, I'm homeless.

I just went anywhere the road took me. I had a few dollars to my name and the clothes on my back. I'm nineteen and I don't have a care in the world.

The only things I had were in my car and that's all I needed.

I left on my eighteen birthday and I've never been back to stay. I sometimes call Kevin and Karen by payphone when I have a quarter. That's not often. I couldn't even protect Karen anymore, I'd gotten so weak and tired. Mom and dad just let me go too. It was my last wish.

I'm so tired and weak anymore. I knew... something was brewing and ready to- No, I'm not going to talk about this.

I just... I needed to find me. I wasn't going to find Kenneth McCormick in South Park. Nope, I had to look for him elsewhere.

I needed to make distance with everyone around me, it would lessen the blow. I kept telling myself I was doing it for their benefit. It hurts to push people away but sometimes you have to.

I had my shares of women, alcohol, drugs and fun on this ride so far. Doing unspeakable things for money and barely scraping by. Panhandling only got you so much. Maybe a few bucks if you're lucky. So, I learned how to hustle.

It was getting lonely though. I wish I had a dog or a cat or something. It gets quiet at night and the long drives could be harsh. I did have a gold-fish but he froze. Imagine having a pet to talk to then waking up to see your friend encased like a Popsicle.

I looked back towards the direction of South park. I was just leaving home for the second time.

Who said a nomad can't go back to the scene of the crime?

I loved South Park honestly, it was home to me. It was where I belonged but after a few things happened I came to a realization.

I was boring.

I think, it was my last goodbye. It was time to say goodbye to everyone. It was a long time coming really. I just has to break away, make them not hurt when the _inevitable_ happened.

I remember when I told them I wouldn't be coming back anytime soon. Kyle kept saying, "You're going to die out there. Stay here if you know what's best." Stan was silent, just watching me.

They didn't want me to leave the comforts of South Park, but they respected my decision.

I gave Kyle and Stan a long hug. I gave that fatass a fist bump as he shrugged off a few tears of his own. Butters was in a sobbing fit, pulling on my shirt.

He kept begging me. "Please, don't go Kenny, you don't have to do this! Can't I come with? What if something goes wrong on the trip?! Please, Kenny, please!"

I couldn't. I needed to leave. What will I think about on my death-bed? How drunk and high I used to get? How stoned I'd be, looking up at the ceiling, listening to the hum of the radio.

No, I had to live my life now. Whatever happens, is meant to happen.

Man, if I didn't already have too much on my shoulders.

I pulled into a truck stop, jogging inside. I went inside for a quick piss. I did what I had to do, listening to men chatter excitably. Women and the road. Sounds like the life. I wish I had more time. I would do it if I could.

Semi driver life sounds fun. It's like being a nomad but you work. It would be the life. It would be normal and fun. I couldn't... I just couldn't.

I went back to the outside world, the air burning the back of my throat. I noticed a bit of a fuss nearby. I saw a woman standing with a bag in hand as two men harassed her loudly.

"Babe, I'll take you anywhere. Just give me a little of that behind."

"Yeah girl, you have a nice rack. It'll be fun."

The girl ignored them, looking mildly uncomfortable. She jumped to her feet when she spotted me.

Then I saw her outfit.

Judging by her clothes she wasn't dressed for the mountains. Short shorts? Pumps? A light coat? The hell is wrong with her? Maybe she was stupid or something.

She practically flew into me. "I don't want to bother you but I really need a ride," She got close to me, her eyes pleading. "Can I maybe hitch a ride with you? I'll make it worth your while. Co-come on, these guys won't stop bothering me."

"Come on girl," one started. "We're much bigger of a man than that pipsqueak."

She hid behind me. I debated whether to take her along but those _clothes_... she would freeze! And those men, they were shady looking.

"I guess so."

"Oh my god, thank you sweetie~!" She practically hugged my neck. I could hear the chattering of teeth against my ear. This woman felt like an icicle. I thought back to my fish.

I opened the side door for her, hopping into the driver's side.

She took off her stilettos. "Stupid cold, it's impossible to walk in these shoes in snow."

The men were glaring at me as I started the Bronco with a hum.

I took a good look at her before pulling back on the highway. Her face was caked with makeup. This woman, erm... girl seemed around my age. She just tried to make herself look old.

You know, thick makeup trick doesn't fool everyone.

She shivered and jittered. "I'm so cold." She got uncomfortably close. I could smell that hint of pomegranate perfume. I hate the smell of pomegranate. "Why don't we heat each other up?" she let out a fluttery laugh.

"A hitchhiker trying to warm me up? No thanks." I let out a chuckle. Oh my god, this girl is definitely going to be entertainment.

"Come on babe," she stuck out her bottom lip, pouting. "There is a rest stop up ahead. I'll treat you nice-"

"Wait, are you _trying_ to be a hooker? Because if you are a hooker, you're really bad at your job." I let out another snort. "Think about changing careers, sweetie."

That sent her for a loop. She was gapin' like a fish. Maybe I went a little too far.

She blinked back, seemingly offended but almost flattered. "Uhmm... well, your sorta right. I'm not good at what I do. I got kicked out of the last semi I was in."

"I knew you weren't a slut. I can sniff 'em out. Where are you from?"

"California."

"Your all the way out near the Rockies... Why?" I gave her one of my famous crooked grins. "You definitely didn't come for the weather judging by those clothes."

She fiddled with the straps on her stiletto, looking up to me. "I... left home." she mumbled. "I ran away. You could say I wanted to be alone and... free for a little while."

"No shit, so did I!" I brightened. I held out one of my hands while still clutching the wheel with the other. "My name is Kenneth. Kenneth McCormick. But you can call me Kenny."

She blinked passed her thick lashes, shaking my hand. "Tammy Warner."

I scratched my chin, mulling over her name for a second. "Tam... Tam-cat."

"What?" she gave me an odd look.

I don't think she was used to me yet.

"Like tom-cat. You're on the prowl. Meow, get it?" I let out another laugh. "Like a kitty cat."

"But tom-cats are boys." She complained. "Then your Ken-poo."

"Why?"

"Because you stink like poo." she giggled like a little kid who just said a naughty word.

"Real mature." I shot back with a smile.

Now she was warming up. I think me and her were gonna get along just fine.

"What are you doing?" she looked at me, studying me hard. "Why are you on the road then? You seem really hippie-ish..."

"I'm what people refer to as a nomad. I go place to place and live in my car. I usually go to a new place every day. Think of it as a permanent road trip." I turned to her. "So, where do you want me to drop you off? Any place in mind?"

She was looking at me with her jaw agape. It got really quiet before Tammy found the courage to speak up. I already knew what she was going to ask anyways. "Um, do you have room for one more?"

"Depends, who are we talking about." I asked dumbly.

"Me."

I let out a sigh. "I don't get attached to people. I won't be with you for too long. I'm a loner ya know." I scratched the stringy hair on my chin. I could never grow a beard, it just looked like a bunch of blonde pubes. "You think you can live like me? No whining and complaining?"

She flushed, fiddling with her stilettos. "Yeah, I could adjust really easy. Besides, where am I going to find another person near my age willing to do this?" she let out a laugh. "As long as you're not going to try to fondle me for a ride, I'm in."

Looks like I got that cat I wanted.

Me and her had that conversation around four weeks or so.

It was now morning. I could tell by the light shining on my eyelids through the car window. My eyes cracked open, searching all around to see the top of the bronco's head liner. I peered down to see Tammy covered up in a cocoon, laying on my chest, still sleeping soundly.

I felt sticky, I bet I was sweating all night again. My bones were starting to ache again. What I wouldn't give for some aspirin.

Me and her were up all last night looking up at the Arizona stars. Man, there was nothing like it. It was so beautiful. Even Tammy looked beautiful. We just sat on top of the cab gazing up.

I really think I'm starting to become attached to this girl. Tammy was something special and different. Like a breath of fresh air.

"Time to get up, Tam-cat." I croaked out.

She grumbled out a tiny, "fuck off" hiding her face in the crook of my neck . I let out a chuckle, tickling her sides. Tammy jumped, giggling. "Mmm?"

"Come on, let's hit the road." She peeled herself from me as I crawled into the driver's seat.

And bam, we were off.

We were driving down an empty road surrounded by little or no vegetation. Mostly sand.

It reminded me of Colorado just... the opposite. That place was a frozen tundra with mountains. Arizona was just a hotter tundra with mountains.

I glanced over to Tam-cat. Tammy had the window down, slumping on the door. The breeze whipping through her hair. From the snores she was producing I bet she was out cold.

There wasn't any noise outside either, just the rattles from the bronco and Tammy's breathing. Everything was peaceful.

This is what I live for.

I kept driving for god knows how long when I saw it.

A sign.

A park, I could see a mountain sides and more sand. "Whoa look at this!" I nudged Tammy awake. "A park with a pond. You ready for a good wash?"

"Huh?" She squinted at me before yawning. "Oh. Yeah, I think I've soaked in my filth for at least a week."

I went through the tiny tenant, paying the small fee. I parked the bronco in a semi secluded spot. I took my bag of supplies out. Tammy was already changing. I tried hard not to stare.

God, curse her rockin' tits.

I stepped out of the back of the bronco, scratching my chin. I need a good shave again. I started stripping down on the way down to my ratty boxers. I made my way into the pond, rushing into the cool water.

I got out my shaving cream and a razor, feeling my way around my chin. I spurt a good lather of cream before slowly shaving, framing the cut slowly. I had to be really careful or I could...

I cursed holding the little cut on my cheek. Goddamn it.

I looked to see if Tammy was anywhere in view before I did a quick peek at my jungle. No way, this blade is too rusty. What if I cut off my dick? I'd be a Ken doll.

Haha, get it? No? Okay.

I let out a sigh, turning to see Tammy. She made her way to the shore in one of my bigger shirts. She hopped into the water with me with a splash.

"I'm naked Tam-cat." I covered my chest with a squeal. "Don't look at my boobies."

"Oh, Ken-poo," She swiped the bar of soap from my hands, lathering up. "I've seen you're rocking man tits."

"You have no decency do you? What would your parents say?" I swam towards her. "Running off with a stranger who is obviously younger than you, and a boy too. You're so grounded when you get home."

"I don't care." She swam closer to me. "This has been more fun than I've ever had... ever."

She had a peculiar look on her face as I got closer. She blurted out. "Arizona has to pump water in here."

"How can you tell?" I held in a snicker. Nervous much?

She dunked my head under as I heard a faint noise. It was like someone busted water pipe. I came to the surface with a sputter. I lost my breath, I kept coughing into my hand.

"I'm sorry Ken."

I tried to find my breath again. I splashed her. "Thanks for the fun fact but don't drown me!"

I took a mouthful of water in my mouth, spraying her in the face. She got up with a giggle, splashing me.

"Ken-pooo!" she splashed me in the face. "You can't swim?"

"Can't I have some flaws?" I grabbed her up in my arms before flinging her off into the water. I used to be able to lift girls up like the Hulk on steroids, guess I lost my touch.

She came up coughing and sputtering. "No fair! Your too strong!"

"We can't always win fair."

She went crawling to shore. I followed shortly after. We flopped down, looking at the beauty. She gathered everything in the bag, making sure she didn't lose anything.

"I thought you said you were in the buff?"

"That get you excited or something? I was washing my boxers." I tugged the wet cloth. "You going to shave your legs?"

"I don't need to." She grinned, rubbing her thighs. "I never grow hair on my legs. I wonder what that means? I bet if you looked it up on the internet or something it would say cancer."

It got uncomfortably quiet. "Tam, there's something I have to tell you."

"What?" she gave me an Eskimo kiss. "You going to confess your love to me?"

That embarrassed the both of us. We were both turning red.

"Not exactly. I'm... going to-" I was cut off by someone behind me.

"What do you two think your doin'?"

We looked up to see a man in uniform. He looked like a park ranger or something.

"Oh, sorry mister. We were just taking a dip." she hid the bag under her thighs. "I hope we weren't doing somethin' wrong."

"There ain't supposed to be swimming in the lake."

"We didn't know." I spat. Dick.

"I'll leave ya with a warning. If you guys break another rule around these parts, I'm going to have to give you a citation."

He went off in another direction, we both slumped. "Jesus Christ, talk about officer creeper." I said

"I'll make breakfast." Tammy smiled up at me. "We still have some food right?"

"No, not really. I'll get it."

I opened the side door before rummaging through the compartments.

I stopped before seeing my reflection in the side mirror. You don't know how bad I wanted to smash it in. I was starting to look like Tweek. I had dark rings in my eyes and I lost more weight.

Soon, I'm not going to have any weight on me.

"Ken?"

I jumped, crooking my neck to her. "Yeah?"

"What are you doing?"

"Nothin'. I set down a box of cereal.

"Dry cereal again?" Tammy whined at the picnic table. She kicked her legs out like a child. "I'm so hungry though."

"Would you rather me pull a carton of milk out of my ass?" I said sarcastically. "This is all we have."

"I liked it better when we were eating poptarts and toaster strudel." she pouted.

"Well, there isn't any left."

I tried putting a few bits in my mouth before spitting them out. They don't really taste good anymore to me. I slid the box towards Tammy. She kept staring me down.

"You think our parents are looking for us?" She fiddled with the box, eating a hand full of the marshmallows and dry oats.

"You wanna go home?" I asked almost apprehensively.

She hadn't spoken about her parents that whole trip. It was almost peculiar. I didn't want her to go but... I think it might be for the best. I didn't need anyone getting too close.

"As much as I don't want to... I need to."

I nodded, swallowing hard. "Alright, tomorrow we'll start the trip to California, but today we got some work to do." I grinned. "After we see the sights I'll take us to the bars around here and start hustling."

"Will you miss me?" She whimpered out, ignoring me.

"You want the truth?" I shrugged. "You'll be just another face."

I feel kind of bad that I lied. She let out a tiny disappointed sigh.

After a long day of sightseeing, I noticed how quiet Tammy was. She looked out the car in a haze. Everything bored her. She usually was talkative but today she was silent. Even that giant ball of yarn in the middle of the fucking desert didn't even amuse her in the slightest. How much more do could someone want?!

I held the sides of my heads, I felt sick to my stomach again. I don't know if I was going to get a nose bleed or what. My head was starting to kill me. The sun was starting to set as I drove into a parking lot. Tammy peered over to me. "We doing this?"

I tried to swallow back the nausea. I leaned over, kissing her cheek. "I'm sorry."

She blinked before holding her cheek. "It's fine. I knew you were going to say that anyways." She shrugged. "I should be the one saying sorry."

I let out a sigh. "...I go first."

I got out of the car, walking into the loud bar. I parted through a sea of people.

See, everything we do, we calculate first. I taught her everything I knew. Self defense, street smarts, trickery and the sort. I'm proud of my little monster I created.

Tammy came in a few minutes later wearing one of her more... revealing outfits.

I scooted into a seat. "One water."

The bartender gave me strange look before setting down a glass of water. I gulped it down looking over to the woman beside me.

I took out a quarter from my pocket. I slid it to Tammy. "Wanna use this for the jukebox?" I hinted.

She strutted to the machine. A useful distraction if I needed it.

I snatched up a pool cue. I made my way to a guy leaning against the wall, drinking quite a bit of beer.

"Wanna play some pool?" I held up the cue. "Was lookin' to play but nobody is up for it."

The art of hustling is like cheating on a test. If done right, it's like you won at a strike of luck... If your caught your royally fucked.

"Pool, eh? I play for money. The name's Trent."

"That's fine with me." I whipped out a fifty, placing it on the table. "Kenny."

Trent let out a chuckle. "Okay, let's do this. I play to win so I ain't gon' go easy on ya."

Almost an hour later I lost a few rounds. Trent kept making them fancy shots too. I watched him close. I was going to annihilate him.

"I'll play one more time. I'll double the money to a hundred bucks." I put down more money. I hope this works, no, I know this will work.

It hasn't failed me yet.

Not to get into technical terms... Everything was going well. I was winning but I needed that extra push. We were both close to tying for that shot at the eight-ball. Jesus, I needed Tammy now.

I rose an eyebrow at Tammy. That was the signal. She leaned over looking at the selection in the jukebox. She swung her hips, humming to herself.

She popped her hip out, hitting Trent while he was pulling back the cue. The white ball flinging right into a pocket.

Wham-bam. Thanks Tammy.

He turned to her with a dangerous look. Tammy giggled giving him one of her best in a sultry looks. "Whoops-a-daisy mister, I'm real sorry."

Trent went from angry to pleasantly surprised. "It's alright."

Hook, line and bait. Shit this was almost too easy.

I took my next turn pocketing another ball before screwing up last second.

It was his turn. She was chattering with him excitedly. He was chuckling, leaning real close to her. I felt something stir in my stomach. This time it wasn't nausea.

Tammy cheered him on. "You can do it."

"I know I can do it sweetie pie, don't have to tell me twice."

"Win against that loser then~!" she sang.

Trent glanced down at her lips. "Can I have a kiss for good luck?"

Tammy's eyes glinted over to mine before she leaned up on her tip toes kissing the man square on the lips. He got rough with her. That was my signal. She let out a little sigh, losing herself for a moment.

She became flustered. "Oh, ahm, well..." She combed her hair with her fingers.

"I must be a hell of a good kisser, huh?" Trent nudged her.

I growled inwardly.

That little slut.

Just like that, Trent aimed and pocketed the eight ball. I frowned, completely failing at hustling for the first time ever. "Well, looks like you win." I said dejectedly.

I put the money on the table before making my way out. Almost two hundred and fifty dollars gambled off. I was pissed.

Tammy tugged on the man's arm. "I have to go powder my nose. See you in a bit babe." she hurried to the bathroom.

I stormed outside to the car noticing Tammy struggle out of the bathroom window, plopping out. She called to me, wiping off her lips stick. "You losing your game?"

I turned to her, glaring her down.

"What Ken?"

"You kissed him." I hissed.

"So, that's the part of the script? Look, I did everything you wanted me to."

"You obviously enjoyed it more than you should have."

She stared at me before pulling me aside. "What are you jealous? Really Ken-poo?"

"I like you." I spat. "Don't play dumb."

She flushed before letting out a giggle. "Ken, it was just a little fun."

"Do you like me or am I just a little fun too?" I growled. "Tell me the truth or I'm getting in my Bronco and I'm leaving you here."

"Well..." She gulped before closing her eyes.

"Spit it out already."

"I don't like you Ken." she blurted out.

I pointed to the road. "Go."

"Ken-"

"Don't you get it yet? Why do you think I kept you along with me for so long? I like you." My voice cracked. "If I didn't I wouldn't have kept you along. I don't have much time left."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

I remained quiet, looking at my feet. I felt her grab me before slinging me into the Bronco. "You're not..." I looked at her knowingly. Her eyes widened, becoming glassy. "Why would you keep that away from me?!"

"It wasn't like it was a secret. It was hard to say." I put my hands in my pocket. "You think admitting to dying is easy? I don't want people knowing. It hurts. You don't understand anything."

Tammy let our an angry whine, covering her face. She looked in another direction. "I need to get some air." She stomped off.

"Ain't that a shame? Too bad Imma have to kick your ass."

I felt a pair of hands on me as I turned to see...

Shit. Trent.

"You tryin' to cheat me huh?" he shoved me to the ground. I was so weak that even if you pushed me lightly I'd end up on my face. "I saw you two sneaking off. You tryin' to be sly and sneaky but your just dumb."

He climbed over me, punching at my face. He wrestled me up to my feet, slamming me into the Bronco. "You trying to cheat me with that whore of yours ain'tcha? I'm a pool shark. I do this for a living. I picked up on you quick, you little shit."

He punched me again. I could feel my head crack into the window. I groaned. There goes my nose, bleeding again. I felt like I was going to pass out.

"I'm going to show you not to mess with me." He pulled out his switch blade menacingly. "I'll cut out your tongue." I shrunk against the blade, snapping my eyes shut. I felt him cut into my cheek then... it was like he was gone.

I cracked open my eyes over to see Tammy wailing on him. She growled, putting him in out in those maneuvers I showed her. A good crotch kick sent him down in a huddled mess.

She grasped the blade, pointing it at him. "If you ever hurt my Ken-poo, I won't cut off your tongue." She gave him a good kick into the ribs. "I'll cut off your balls and personally hang them around my mirror like a pair of-" She kicked him with each word, screaming wildly. "Fuzzy- DICE!"

She seethed, huffing and puffing. I grabbed her arm, leading her away as she threw the knife at him. "You fucking ass! I'll kill you!"

I pushed her into the seat before jumping into mine. I sped off. I kept looking in the mirror behind me.

Tammy let out a small cry. "Are you alright babe? Your bleeding like crazy." She placed her fingers over my nose. I slapped her away. I didn't even want her touching me.

Slut.

"I think it's time to leave this town." I said all too quickly. I wasn't feeling to hot either. "You need to go. You can't stay here."

I was driving pretty quick down the roads, through the empty deserts. She looked over towards me. "I don't think he'll find us. Slow down." I couldn't quite catch my breath. "Kenny, calm down."

I felt warm kisses on my cheeks as she pulled my face closer to hers.

I let out a sigh. "Tam, what if he-"

"No, he won't." She massaged my arm. "That's not what's bothering you."

I pulled off on the side of the road, turning off the car. I crashed my head into the steering wheel. I took a shallow breath. "You're right. It's not."

"I'll stay a little longer. I'll be with you." she forced a small laugh. "We'll have so much fun, like we always did."

"I thought you were homesick?" I mumbled out. "You're going home, I don't want you getting anymore attached to me."

"I didn't want to go home. I just wanted to see if you would miss me." she admitted.

"Liar." I spat.

"I don't _like_ you Ken-poo, I _love_ you."

My ears perked up as I shifted to her.

"Look, until we travel every road together, I'll leave. After every road is driven we'll go our separate ways. Deal?"

I lifted my head from the steering wheel, seeing her smiling. I couldn't help smile like a fool.

"But what if I die-"

"After every road is traveled. I'll only leave then." she reiterated.

I felt tears prick my eyes. "Deal."

After everything was all said and done, we disappeared off into the night. I yanked the wheel, taking a turn onto the highway. Onto our new destination together.


	10. Breathe Again

**Uh, this one is kinda dark so... If you can't handle dark themes you probably don't want to read this.**

* * *

I suck in a breath.

I recite the mother goose rhyme: "Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop. When the wind blows, the cradle will rock... When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. _And down will come baby, cradle and all_."

I see the twinkle of red and blue lights under my eye lids. I can feel an intense light on me. I open my eyes to see men shining a spot light on me. I cower away from it, sinking back into the building. I almost slip.

"Don't do this Kenny!" I hear multiple people speak into the speakerphone. "We don't want you to do this, come down."

I could see a green ushanka... Kyle and Stan... All my classmates.

Don't you people understand anything?

I can hear a woman's voice on the speakerphone. "Kenny, please... Just come down." I notice her right away. That girl is Tammy, her voice croaked. "I love you, we love you. You don't want to do this."

Why couldn't you have noticed I was broken before all of this?

"You don't know anything about me," I cover my ears, screaming down at her. "Just shut up!"

You don't have any idea, Tammy. You don't know how I feel on the inside. Sure, I would smile on the outside, but on the inside I'm rotted to the core. It hurt. You didn't notice it, you just ignored it like everyone else. You didn't even try.

Why couldn't you have saved me?

I leaped from the ledge with open arms.

I could feel in that split moment panic and fear but it melted away like everything else. I hear the sounds of horrified voices below me as the people scatter away like ants. I fall gracefully as my mind began to race.

Long have I worn the mask of a fool but no more.

If I died, I'd come back.

"I'm your favorite paradox."

That's what I used to say to you, of course, you never understood it.

A paradox is something that isn't supposed to exist but does. Self-contradicting. I think I'm doing the universe a favor. I'll release it from this strange, unwanted tangent.

I tried so hard, why didn't you notice?

Why couldn't you remember?

That's all I ever wanted, just for you to tell me you remembered me.

I made a deal with the devil a few days before. If I die, I'll never walk on the earth again. All I had to do was exchange my soul eternally to him. I get to have the privilege to close my eyes and rest peacefully now.

That's how you want, it right?

Isn't that what you told me you wanted?

I'm like a toy and I can no longer wind up anymore. I'm broken and nobody wants me. I'm ready to meltdown. I'm ready to self destruct.

I can't live this life as nothing has happened. I destroyed so many lives. I've hurt countless people and I cannot undone what has been done.

That would be another paradox in itself.

I have one mission, I must relieve the paradox that is walking this earth.

Maybe then you'll remember me this time.

If people saw me for what I was, they would enjoy watching the fall. I'd come crashing down, organs and blood spreading across the cement in a sludge.

I'll happily jump to my death.

If every person on this earth hated me and saw what I've done, they'd cheer me on.

I want people to hate me. I want them to be disgusted. It's what I deserve.

If I die now, will you be happy?

Will you remember this time or am I just fooling myself?

My eyes flicker down to your gaping mouths and wide eyes.

I smile like I had just won the lottery as the wind rushes past my ears. I came crashing down from the heavens just for you. I came crash-landing down. I want to show you how much of a failure I am.

Please, watch me?

Remember me?

My brain, on the other hand, wants to find some way to survive. It wants to cling to something out of instinct. My arms and legs start flailing in midair.

Why tell me not to jump? It only made me want to jump more. Reverse psychology, you know?

If you saw me for me, you'd beg me to jump.

I'm doing you a favor, Tammy.

I twirl in the skies, flightless and not a care in the world. I'll dive head first into the concrete. Please Tammy, just remember me.

I can see you in the crowd of faces.

Mortified. Your eyes red and puffy from crying. You're makeup smudged and smeared. You're eyes watching me. It's as almost I can see myself mirrored in your eyes, falling.

I knew you wanted to stop this, Tammy...

But you can't.

If things were different and we met under different terms, we'd be happier. We wouldn't have to fight and you wouldn't have to deal with my existence. I would be alive and real. I wouldn't be an unnatural creäture.

I wouldn't have to die.

I have to fall now.

Fall and fall.

I recited the mother goose rhyme: "Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop. When the wind blows, the cradle will rock... When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. And down will come baby, cradle and all."

I ruin your life, can't you see? I broke you like everyone else I met.

I want to fall.

I'm... _Lying_.

I don't want to fall. I want to go back to standing on that ledge, I would go to where you are stand and kiss you. I'd hold you tight.

I don't want to die.

Why wouldn't anyone take me seriously? Why wouldn't you help me? I wasn't lying, I wasn't doing it for attention. I was so scared. Why didn't you comfort me? Why did you turn your back to me when I needed you most?

You don't know how much I cried.

Why couldn't you save me?

But it's too late, the cement is close now... soon I'll be a pretty stain on the ground.

If I could make it up to you I would.

Maybe a deus ex machina would rescue me before I spattered on the ground?

I fall and I...

The concrete is inches away from my face.

I let out the breath I had held.

...It reminds me of a Christmas tree all lit up when I was a kid. It's better then any high imaginable. The colors, even the smells... My senses becoming almost heightened to unearthly levels.

I can hear everything. I could hear my bones shattering under the tremendous force. The larger parts of my vertebrae crunching, the smaller pieces digging deep into my organs.

Its a sickening crunch.

I can feel my skin tear open into parts. It's like every vein and vessel in my body exploded, blood overflowing up from my wounds. I notice the red pooling into the cracks of the cement.

My neck is completely immobile as it was snapped near your direction. I look over to your face as you let out the loudest shriek of everyone, struggling to get a better look of me.

I can see you struggle, trying to get close. Your going into hysterics.

Everything faded off and in these moments, my eyes darkened and I see a light.

It was so beautiful.

Every memory before I would die would play out, I knew this by heart after all.

I remember you Tammy, the way you would laugh. The way you smelled. You still wear that cheap cotton candy perfume I gotten you on your birthday. The way we would fight, how I told you about my deaths. You said it was all for attention...

I'll never forget how special you made me feel. I was your world and you were mine.

I'm still your favorite paradox, right?

I'm terrified as everything starts to fade again like so many times before. The way how everything would end quick, like a TV powering down.

I wonder for a moment, if everyone forgot my death before... Will you forget about me indefinitely? Now that the paradox is gone, will it be as if I never existed?

I smile, yes, that's what I want. Erase me from time.

You don't have to hurt anymore.

We're just a memory now, at least, in my heart.

I like to think a happy one.

Even if I fade and forget everything, I won't forget you.

I'm sor-


	11. Memory

**Kammy.**

* * *

I wish you could understand how I feel.

I pick up another handful of squishy noodles.

I forgotten how it is to live a normal life. Can you remember? I just want to be a person again.

I was cleaning out the kitchen sink since Kenny thought it was a good idea to dump his big plate of spaghetti into the drain. I hope it wasn't clogged, I'm not a handy man by any means and the thought of taking apart pipes seemed like too much of a hassle.

A sigh passed through my lips as I started throwing the soggy noodles into the garbage beside me. I let out an angry growl.

I'm not mad, I'm just really tired.

I can hear the TV on in the living room being turned up louder then lower again, then louder and... Jesus Christ... I think it'll keep him occupied for a few hours anyways.

I place my finger tips up to the bags under my eyes for a moment. It's so hard taking care of someone who can be so dependent on you. He can wear me down mentally. I stay resilient. He needs me after all. I love him with all of my heart. I'll help him through this.

I put on this tough girl act but that's what it is... an act. I can't keep going on like this for much longer.

God, please get better soon.

I twirled on my heel, feeling something solid run into me. I stumbled back into the sink. Son of a-

I look to see a sun kissed blonde. My eyes wander to his face, seeing a green bruise on his right cheek. He had a wide smile that graced his face. His front tooth was slightly chipped but when he grins like that you can't even tell.

His wild blue eyes were on mine.

You're smiling and it's not the same. It's not the same...

I composed myself, trying my hardest to seem happy. "Something wrong?"

"The spaghetti and... " Kenny struggled over his words. "I'm just sorry."

I let out a hum, brushing his arm. "Oh Ken, its fine. We all make mistakes." I turned my attention back to the mush of noodles and sauce in the sink. Fuck, the water isn't going down.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, slamming me into Kenny's chest suddenly. I gasp. The wind was almost knocked out of me by the sheer force.

I wish he could control his emotions. He goes from exhilarated to angry within seconds. I can't read him well anymore.

Actually... I don't _know_ this man anymore. It hurts to say something so cruel.

I shifted in his arms, deciding to hug him back for once. I let my arms curl around his back, like so many times before. It's a perfect fit. I feel so complete in his arms again. I lift myself onto my toes out of instinct. My lips were nearly brushing his.

He shot back, ripping away from my embrace. He seemed almost taken aback with wide-eyes.

"Sorry, I'm just used to kissing you." My gaze fell to my feet.

How could I be so stupid?

I heard a little snicker then a snort then full belly laughs."You? Kissing me? Well, I must have been a lucky guy." he wiped a few tears that came to his eyes. "I would kiss ya, but… I think I should get to know you first… What's your name again?"

You don't know me anymore, do you?

Its killing me.

"Tammy." I try not to sound worried, masking the pain in my voice. "You know that."

How talented I've become at hiding my feelings.

...And the Oscar goes to me.

Why did I have to get close to Kenny? Why couldn't it been Butters or Dave Darsky?

Why Kenny McCormick?

I could hear the clings and clangs of locks as Kyle stumbled in with plastic bags. He took off his green ushanka, leaving it on the couch, revealing his wild auburn curls. Kenny grabbed the bags from him and began sorting out food.

Kyle has been so nice ever since this happened. He's the only one that will help me with Kenny.

Kenny's memory is a bit fuzzy but with a bit of love and attention, he'll be the old Kenny again.

I'm hoping.

It's a long shot but I can't give up hope. It's the only thing I live for anymore.

At first, everyone abandoned me with a man who couldn't even stay conscious for more than an hour. I had to quit my job and become a stay at home nurse.

Kenny used to be a lot worse than this. When they sent him home with me, Kenny would just stare into space. He reminded me of a zombie. He would wander around mindlessly until I had to put more locks the door in fear he would have gotten outside.

More importantly, he forgot how to speak and write. He had no communication skills.

It was a guessing game. I could tell what he wanted from the motions he'd make with his hands. Then, he learned to write again... then came speaking almost out of nowhere.

For a while, it was just me. Then Kyle came along. He dropped everything just to help me. To this day, I don't know why but I'm in his debt.

Kyle gave Kenny a grin. "Hey, Kenny."

"Hey, Kyle... Where's Stan and Cartman?" He looked all around as if expecting them to be there. Of course he asked this every day.

"Not here today unfortunately." Kyle quickly switched the subject. "Tammy, you're looking pretty as ever. How's Kenny been?"

"He's been good. He put a bit of spaghetti in the sink." I let out snicker. Kenny could be adorably naïve.

"That's... good?" Kyle leaned up on a chair, placing a few jars of kosher food into the pantry. "Get after him or he'll keep doing it. You don't want it to stick do you?"

"Hey, I'm right here-" Kenny snapped.

"Well, I'm not going to scold him. Kenny isn't some dog."

"Still, you don't want him to do that every day."

"I have to fix the sin-"

Kenny snatched up a can of beans, clutching it in his hands. He aimed the can at me, letting it leave his hands. It torpedoed towards me. I ducked instinctively as the can clunked into the wall behind me. I turn hesitantly to see the damage.

A fresh new hole in the plaster.

"That's what you get. I'm a person. Just because I'm not... I'm not all here," He pointed to his head. "I'm still a person!" I snapped my eyes shut. I could hear the patter of his feet up the stairs before the slam of his bedroom door.

Kyle slouched in the kitchen chair, holding the bridge of his nose. "Tammy, can you get him. I'm too tired to deal with _this_ tonight."

I silently agreed.

I started up the stairs. I ran my hand along a few other holes in the wall.

He was always like this.

Then I wonder, maybe he'll always be violent. I know I can be violent too. I'm no angel... but I don't mean it. I just get so angry. I can't control myself. I don't have the patience anymore. When my fist is colliding with something I only regret it then.

Why can't everything go back to normal?

Why can't things be different?

I peeked in Kenny's room, seeing him lying face down in his pillows.

"What are you doing?"

"Sulking." he muffled. "I'm not a kid. You and Kyle get on my nerves."

I plopped beside him. "That's not what I remember. You said you loved me."

"I did?" he lifted his head towards me.

"Yeah."

I stroked my fingers through his locks, I could still feel where the metal plate is. I grimaced inwardly.

"Why can't I remember anything from before?"

"It was from accident."

My expression contorted at the thought. From what I heard the accident was gory. He's lucky to have made it this far. Will he ever get any better? I don't know.

I felt a rush of inspiration. Maybe I could make Kenny remember.

I got to my feet, rummaging through a few of his drawers. He watched me curiously from the comfort of his bed.

I scooted beside him holding something close to my chest.

"What's that?"

"A photo album."

I opened it with a ruffled squeak. I definitely liked going through it in my spare time, I would never admit it to him. It reminds me of the past... how things are supposed to be.

But they're not.

I started to giggle, a flood of memories coming back to me.

"This is us in Denver. We were going to a concert." Boy, Kenny did look really young back then. I remember that parka too. He wore all orange.

What color does he wear now?

White. Stale, sterile white.

"How old were we?"

"Around ten I think. It was one of those kid type of deals." I let out a thoughtful hum. "You bought me the tickets."

He was silent, studying each picture individually.

I flipped another page.

"Oh my god! This is you and me with purity rings." I pointed to the photo of two older looking teens throwing up the bird with a ring on each digit. Man, I can't believe I wore shorts like that. I remember Kenny liked them for more obvious reasons.

"We wore purity rings? That kind of stupid."

"It was just a phase. I think... it lasted for maybe a week tops."

I flipped through photos of him with his brother, sister and his parents. He just stared down at them blankly. He didn't remember anything. I was surprised he didn't remember Karen at least. He used to talk about her a lot.

I flipped another page.

"That's Cartman, Kyle and Stan." he nearly shot up, pointing at a group picture at Stark's pond. "I remember Stan because he wears that poof ball hat and Cartman is a fatass."

He knew his friends but not me. Why didn't he remember me?

"Yeah, your right. Good job." I croaked out.

I turned to the last page. It had a single Polaroid nestled in a pocket.

Our last anniversary picture.

I felt my throat tighten and my face heat up. I tried hard not to cry.

We look so happy.

We _looked_ so happy.

He took the picture out of the plastic. "Where was this? It looks recent."

"Skeeter's bar. It was a nice night. We had a few drinks and…" I held up my hand. "You gave me this."

"Another purity ring?" He cupped my wrists gently, staring down at the ring on my finger. "It looks like it came out of a gumball machine."

"No, it's engagement ring." I smiled thoughtfully. "It meant a lot to the both of us back then."

It did. Now I don't know why I wear it.

"I can't help feel really sad." he hung his head. "God, I'm so messed up. I wish I could have just died."

"Don't say that. Don't ever say that."

I watched him curl his hands into fists.

"It's like... I can feel something around you but I can't remember you. The strange part is this feeling." he grinned bitterly. "It's like I forgot everything but this feeling. And it hurts too."

I was silent.

"If I could only remember, you would be happy again," He cringed. "I wouldn't feel so miserable around you. I wish I could just remember at least your name." He put the picture in my hands. "I'll fall in love you again, I will."

I felt my breath hitch in my throat.

"I just don't want to hurt anymore. It's going to make me do something worse."

"Worse?" I felt my eyebrow raise in confusion. "What do you mean?"

He lifted his shirt just slightly. I could see little scratches and cuts along with tiny bruises littering his sides. "I tried to pinch myself awake but it never works."

"Kenny," I felt the wounds up to his ribs. I could feel my mouth gape. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Why haven't I noticed? These weren't all recent either. Some were bluish purple and some were faded and yellow. Most of the scratches were crusted over. It's like he'd pinch and dig at his skin.

I'm terrible. I felt my heart sink. Why couldn't I have noticed it?

I could only stammer out a few word before he interrupted me.

He pointed to his cheek, to the green bruise. "You did this? Didn't you?"

Please don't make me remember Kenny. You don't know how much I regret it.

Kenny grasped my hands sweetly. "Won't you do me a favor then?" He placed my hands around his neck. "Squeeze?"

He stared into my eyes seriously.

"Squeeze until you can't see me breathing. I don't want you to hurt anymore. I.. can't go on living not knowing anything about myself."

I felt myself twinge as my fingers started to constrict around his neck. I let out a sob, trying to pull away. I couldn't do anything like that.

"Come on, just take a breath. We'll do it together." Kenny grinned crookedly, clutching my hands against his neck. "See? I'll help you through it."

I started to yank away as his grasp on my hands got tighter. I wiggled my hands away, getting to my feet.

He's going to get violent, I could tell.

"Don't go." he grabbed me up in his arms. I flailed as he squeezed me tighter. I let out a whimper, pushing him away. Kenny was stronger than I was. I couldn't push him away. He forced my hands to his neck again.

"Stop it Kenny!" I practically begged.

"Just do it already." he seethed through his teeth.

"I can't!" I sobbed.

"You don't how I feel. If you love me like you say, you'll do this for me. Just do-"

A loud slap echoed in the room.

I ripped back my hand, his face hidden from me.

"Oh my god, Kenny... I'm so sorry."

There was a long uncomfortable silence between us.

I let my hand extend out to him. I touched his shoulder. "Kenny?"

He ripped his shoulder away from me.

Now he'd close himself off. I knew this all too well. There was no getting to him.

"Good night." he called.

I gave one fleeting look back to him. He was slumped over on the edge of his bed. He looked miserable.

Maybe I cause more pain then I try to heal.

I'm worthless.

I wandered out into the hallway. I got to my door. I didn't have the strength to open it. I slammed my head into it.

I'm a failure. I'm a complete and utter failure of taking care of someone. I can't make Kenny happy. I can't make anyone happy. I can't even smile anymore without faking it. I tried to give Kenny everything he wanted and even that's not enough.

I tried, you don't know how hard. Years and years of trying and for what?

He still can't remember me and now he wants to die?

"How long are you going to lie to him?" I hear a familiar voice ask.

I stopped, glancing to him from the corner of my eye. Kyle obviously saw everything, there was no denying it. Nothing ever gets passed him.

"A-about?" I stammered.

"You know what. The memory thing. It's not coming back. You're just confusing him more than he already is. He's just going to forget everything tomorrow anyways. Just stop Tammy, you've been doing this every night for the past year."

"Maybe your right... but, why does he get to remember you and Stan, hell, even Cartman. Why not me?"

"Tam, I don't know." Kyle held my shoulder tightly, rubbing them lightly with his thumbs. "I hate seeing you get your hopes up all the time. He's not going to remember you."

I let out a weak whine as he drew me into his embrace. His auburn curls tickled my cheek. I nuzzled into his shoulder.

I need this. I need someone to hold me. I need someone to lie and tell me that it will be alright.

Before I can even think, I can feel my lips on his. I can hear the sound of my heart in my ear, it's louder than thunder.

I don't know how I even got here. It was just a hug and now...

Kyle's lips were much different from Kenny's.

Kyle's were soft, warm and moist while Kenny's were harsh, chapped and cold.

Its foreign and I don't know if I like it very much. I want to enjoy it but I feel my chest cave in on itself.

"Tammy, I'll take care of you. Your running yourself ragged."

I just held him tighter. I just don't want to make another mistake. I just want to disappear. Am I depressed? I don't know.

This isn't how a person should live.

I broke away, peering down to my engagement ring. I slid it off my finger, playing with it in my hands.

I have to be faithful, that's what he would have wanted. Why is it so hard all of a sudden? Why don't I feel guilty anymore?

"Yeah... You're right. I'm tired." I tugged his arm. "Why don't you sleep with me tonight?"

Why don't I feel guilty anymore?

The next morning, the light from my window shot into my eyes. I looked up to the white, sterile ceiling.

Everything was the same. I was still alive and I was still living this life.

I heard a murmur as Kyle's arms tightened around me. I broke away from him, sitting up.

I need to go make breakfast.

This whole day is going to repeat itself. It's been the same Thursday for so long now. It's the only day of the week.

Kenny won't remember yesterday and I'll try to help him. Then, he'll show me his side and self-harm. Then he'll ask to die then it would loop all over again tomorrow.

What's the point of living when you only live one day of the week?

I shimmied into my clothes, leaving my engagement ring on the nightstand. I ambled down to the kitchen. I got out a pan and some butter. I blinked back my tiredness, I cracked an egg. I flicked on the burner.

Kyle... What am I thinking? Actually, I don't know what to think. I just feel empty.

I could hear the patter of feet on the hardwood floors. I could see Kenny from the corner of my eye. He let out a loud yawn.

"Morning Tam-cat."

"Morning Ken-poo."

_Wait_.

I whipped to him, my mouth opened up wide. "What did you say?"

"Tam-cat? What, you don't like being called that all of a sudden?" his eyebrow rose.

I felt a wave of excitement rush over me. "Kenny, do you remember me?"

Kenny gave me _his_ famous crooked grin.


	12. Insanity

**Creek or... Craig/Tweek/Kenny? I really don't know.** **Let's just say it has a pairing! :D**

**A homage to one of my fics, Opposite of blue. I miss writing that little thing. *sniffs* Some Freudian references and the usual.**

* * *

'Mens sana in corpore sano.'

Electrical shock treatments and seclusion rooms. Medicated patience's with eyes glazed over.

Oh, look it's my turn again, how exciting!

2:35. That's the time on the clock. At 3:00 I must have my meds and then at 4:45 I go down to dinner and drink my supplement shakes...

I plan everything carefully. Everything had to be scheduled. Any abnormality in schedules could bring down the whole system.

Patients groaning in the middle of the night and the smell of lemons. A sickening sterile environment.

My eyes dart to my "friends" apprehensively.

I see a boy of blue and a boy of orange.

Two opposites.

One had a god complex with an inflated ego and the other one was a rampant sociopath with no regard to anyone around him.

I absolutely hate the one in orange and the blue one... well, I admired him. Those colors don't mix unless you want a dirty brown color.

I was the boy in green. I was in the middle, not quite fitting in. I'm not like them. I'm different and not primary.

Orange and blue are 2 primary colors.

I do not belong.

Colors are reflection of light bouncing back to our eyes. Colors are lies. Numbers are lies. People are made of lies. Just like Kenny and Craig... They are made from lies.

How do such perfect people exist?

I don't want to know.

It's turn 19 and Craig still can't figure out the moves I have just placed out, I'm going to win. I planned far ahead. There is no end game insight for him.

Craig looked like your typical boring kid. a choppy hair cut that he didn't give two shits about and blue eyes that could petrify Medusa. He liked blue and that was his color of choice. He had a cool head about him that I'd always admired. I think he was pretty cool to hang out with too. I'm emotionally drawn to him.

Craig droned, holding an indigo bead to his face. He started to move his hands quicker, exchanging each bead with ease. He murmured to himself. "...8, 9, 10."

I scooted closer to the coffee table, picking up more beads than him. I had the upper hand.

Craig drawled out. "Cheater."

I took the cap off of my marker, scribbling on my note pad, 'I don't'.

Craig snatched up another bead, holding it up to the light.

Everything was boring here.

Kenny, however, couldn't have been bothered. He was too busy flipping through channels. It entertained him while me and Craig had to make our own fun in this hollow place.

I was squished between both of them.

Blue and orange.

Welcome to ward 302. The home of unstable teenagers. Extremely violent and under intensive care. 'Come! Stay awhile and relax', they said. I know I'm not crazy. Kenny and Craig?

Fuck yes.

Kenny and Craig had their own dancing skeletons.

Insanity at its best.

Kenny was the pure epitome of Freudian behavior while Craig was on the opposite end of the spectrum, sex and the like far off his mine.

Ego and super-ego? How funny! Repressing? How odd? I would never do such a thing. Please give me more of the blue pills! Place it right on my tongue and make the fears go away.

I'll spit it out like a cheap whore anyways.

I've been mute for over 10 months... 304 days. 7,304 Hours... 26,297,438,295,922,100 nanoseconds.

I would know, I love math. It keeps me sane.

I count everything, so naturally, I'm very good at Mancala. I need order and I need to know the exact numbers.

Irrational numbers irk me. They aren't whole. Like pi, the diameter of a circle, 3.14...? I want a solid number.

I like imaginary number though. Weird huh?

Who cares about partial numbers anyways?

Kenny nose billowed with smoke, dying his cigarette into his hand. I cringed, watching his flesh sizzle. He had a lot piercings littering his ears, nose and lips. All but dark little holes now.

So perfected and flawed at the same time. The way he can be an asshole makes me feel a little something for him. Sun kissed hair and rebellious outbursts, oh my! I'm drawn to him in more of a physical way.

The sounds and hums from the TV were becoming annoying. You know, that sound of channels being mashed together? That must be music to Kenny's ears in his sick little mind.

'The number that you have dialed has been disconnected.'

Craig's eyes flickered to Kenny. "Find one channel and watch it."

"Waah, waaah." He mocked. "Calm your tits, I wanna watch something good."

I started to scribble more things into my note pad. I liked to write math questions and solve them in my spare time. Other people found it too busy work while I found it to be enjoyable.

Sometimes, I'd write down my inner most thoughts.

I didn't notice it until I felt hot breaths on my neck. Kenny was uncomfortably close, giving me a sly smile. "Hey, pillow biter."

I nearly leaped out of my seat, my marker flinging into Craig's face. I clambered for it, shutting my pad. Those are my thoughts and my thought alone.

"Dammit, not even a squeak. What if I tickle ya?" Kenny got close, making groping gestures. "Or what if I snapped your arm right in half, would you make a noise?"

Craig continued to play Mancala as I fended off Kenny. He cackled, pinching and tickling at my sides. I squirmed, trying to get away. I tried not to laugh, not even making a noise. I practically climbed onto Craig.

I don't even think he even noticed. Nothing fazed Craig.

I pushed Kenny away roughly with a grunt.

"Oh, come on. I just wanna hear you say something." Kenny bellyached. "I want to hear your voice~!"

Craig grunted out, still focused on the game at hand. "Why don't we play a game? Like two truths and a lie? We'll ask questions about each other and answer. In exchange you have to talk."

I looked between the both of them, nodding. Who could say no to them? They could beat me up anyways!

Kenny squealed like Bebe when she finds the perfect shoes. "Me first! Picture it, high school. I was known for being the YOLO type-"

"YOLO?"

"...Yeah, Craig. _You only live once_, now shut up so I can tell my awesome story."

Craig turned his attention to the indigo beads, placing pebbles into the little dug outs.

"I was playing five fingers of death with a couple of friends. The guy offered me fifty bucks to see if I could do it without stabbing my fingers well, I did and the prick didn't pay me so I stabbed him with a spoon."

"A plastic spoon? Are you serious?" Craig seized up another bead up. "The ones at the cafeteria?"

"Yup, plastic spoons are sharp when you break off the spoon part and all you have is a shiv~!" Kenny constricted his arm around my waist. I scooted closer to Craig as subtly as possible.

"Someone tried to hurt my guinea pig." he said monotonously.

"You have a guinea pig? Oh, weak." Kenny teased. "You look more like a lonely cat person."

I wrote something on my notepad, trying to keep up with them. I held it up, 'I was found mentally unstable'.

"I worked at a pet store as a part-time job. I like animals."

Kenny puffed out his chest. "My part-time job was banging your mom."

'I worked at a coffee shop.' I held up the note pad, noticing them focusing more on each other. It's like two monkeys at the zoo trying to have a pissing contest. It was going to end up like any other time and I'm going to get in trouble for it.

Craig rubbed a pebble before setting it back. "I'm a schizoid."

"Well, I have a god complex."

Kenny got closer, closing the space between Craig. Agh, Kenny is heavier than he looks!

I wrote my disorder down on my notepad. I didn't even get to hold it up when Kenny pushed it down, leaning all the way into Craig. He snorted air from his nose roughly. It blew a few locks from Craig's head.

"I take more meds then you."

Craig turned his head to Kenny's, now staring each other down intensely.

The testosterone in the air was suffocating me and so was Kenny.

"No you don't."

"Bitch, please!" Kenny threw his wrists. "You don't know what you're talking about. Although, there is this one hot nurse that gives me pills."

"Tammy?"

"Oooh, so you're not gay then?" Kenny snickered evilly. "She's a real piece. What I wouldn't do to her..."

"Rape is a serious offense." Craig shot back.

"She likes me back!" Kenny recomposed himself. "Your gay so tell me what makes you hot and heavy?"

I was getting in the middle of a pissing match. I shrunk up listening to them argue.

"Kenny you're such a dick." Craig snapped.

"You like sucking them, so what's the difference?" Kenny hummed happily.

"...you're an ass."

"You like pounding ass, so what's the difference?"

"Are you going to keep using the same recycled line over and over?"

"Yeah, I'm going to keep using the same recycled line, what's the difference?"

They went back and forth until Kenny started to make obscene gestures with his hands and tongue and Craig was starting to get irritated.

Do I have to remind you which ward I'm in?! The extremely violent ward. I didn't need nurses breaking us up and putting us in 'quiet rooms'.

I shoved my note pad in Kenny's face. He read it before bursting into laughter.

"'Shut up Kenny'? Well, Tweekers, that hurt my feelings." he swayed dramatically, putting a hand over her head like he'd faint. "I'll die from the utter poisonous words!"

I let out a sigh as the pad slipped out of my fingers. I looked down to the thin air then towards Kenny.

He flipped through the pages.

I almost gagged on my tongue. Oh shit! I flailed at him, trying to get my notebook.

"Ooh, something that isn't numbers?"

I flailed, trying to grab it.

"I was between orange and blue. Two different people. Two wonderfully beautiful and dangerous people." Kenny got to his feet using his tall stature for his own gain. He said in a whisper like a Shakespearean poem.

God dammit Kenny!

"And I've grown so close to blue. Orange can be quite insensitive but I love them both. They are both unique and perfect in their own way. Such a dream."

I sulked as he handed it back to me. "Nice, I didn't know you were crushing on me. How does your boyfriend feel about that?"

Craig had an unreadable expression. I'm in trouble now, thanks Kenny.

"Tweek, why don't you talk?" Craig switched the subject quickly.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I think I forgot how to talk.

Craig put his last pebble in the hole. "I'm going to win. Now talk."

"No." I murmured.

Kenny nearly jumped in excitement. "Tweekster talked?"

"I pictured him with a deeper voice."

I moved my pebbles back, winning the game in a few moves. "Actually, here's a question for Kenny." I shot him a humorous look. "Are you always so fucking full of yourself or is it just the god complex talking?"

Kenny crossed his arms becoming a little heated. "Alright, alright. Let's do my question. You got any scars?" Kenny ripped off his hoodie. I saw burns, scratches, cuts... you name it. Kenny was like a painted canvas of injuries.

I stood up brushing off my hoodie. I turned all around like a model at a fashion show. I wasn't afraid to call Kenny out.

"Not even _one_ scar? Hell, Craig has more scars."

Craig got to his feet. "Shut the fuck up McCormick."

Uh-oh. Craig was angry. It was the last straw broke the camel's back.

"Did I hit a nerve?" I felt myself get tugged into Kenny's arms. He smelled like sweat and cigarettes. "I might be stealing your little boyfriend away from you? I used to be your boyfriend until this Tweeker came along."

Craig had one of his famous death glares gracing his features.

"He's pretty cute too." Kenny leaned in, licking the side of my face. I inwardly gagged.

Craig lunged at Kenny, tipping the coffee table in the process. Pebbles went everywhere.

The coffee table capsizing with us. I hit my head into the side of the table. I rolled on my side, hissing in agony. I grabbed my head, rocking back and forth.

I heard laughs and snorts coming from the two. Kenny was giggling as Craig pounded on his face. Nurses started crawling out of the wood work with sedatives in hand.

The nurses started to restrained me. _And just me_. "What the-?!"

Kenny hollered from across the room. "Open your wide Craig! Make that mouth useful." he started to spit at him. It only made Craig flush and become more enraged.

Not a single nurse made their way over there.

"What's this?" a woman's voice came from in front of me.

A rather busty nurse stopped in front of Kenny. "Oh my, my, my..." he whistled. "Helllllllooooo nurse~!"

Tammy gave me a glare, crossing her arms. "Tweek, you said you weren't going to cause trouble."

I swallowed an insult. "I'm not sweetheart." I wiggled my eyebrow. "Might I say you're looking fine?"

"It's 3:00. You have to take your medications."

"Why don't you restrain Kenny or Craig? I feel like the center of attention."

The nurses gave each other glances, letting me out of their grasps. I stood up, brushing myself off.

"Craig and... Kenny?" One nurse spoke up.

Tammy let out a sigh. "You remember what Stan said? It's a personality disorder. Kenny and Craig don't exist."

"They do too!" I felt my eyebrows furrow.

"You're just talking to yourself again. It doesn't mean they're real."

"They _are_ real." I spat. "Look,"

I craned my neck all around looking for any trace of them. It's like they vanished into thin air. She let out a sigh she was holding. "This is why it's extremely important you take your medication."

I took a deep breath. I leaned over to the pebbles scattered across the ground. I held the indigo bead up before dropping it in the hole.

I win.

I kicked it over abruptly.

Numbers are stupid anyways, especially imaginary ones.

I moseyed over to Tammy's side.

Colors are reflection of light bouncing back to our eyes. Colors are lies. Numbers are lies. People are made of lies. Just like Kenny and Craig... They are made from lies.

How do such perfect people exist?

I don't want to know.

I have my own dancing skeleton: insanity.


	13. Misfortune

**Creek.**

**13, misfortune.**

**I think this is my best work so far. I put a lot emotion into it. Tell me whatcha think?**

**Thanks ChocolatexFountain for putting up with me when I needed advice, lol.**

* * *

When I think back on those days being eleven, I think of braces. They were clunky and painful. When I had my first kiss with Red, her lip got caught up in that chicken wire. That had to be one of the most embarrassing moments ever.

Then I remember the acne, oh god. Red, swollen bumps on my face that seemingly never went away. I wasn't _very_ attractive to say the least, but the girls were always drawn to my mysterious attitude. What a crock of shit.

I can still think of Colorado clearly, like an image burned into my mind. The way it smelled and how bitter it seemed outside. The kind of cold that nips at your cheeks and makes your nose run.  
If I could go back, I would be so happy.

I like to remember.

I remember a lot of things... I remember a certain blonde. The one who always stuck out in my memories.

No, not Kenny. Tweek Tweak.

I remember sitting on the top of my roof. I used to go up there to think when my old man would start to argue with my ma. When I would get tired of hearing their constant bickering, I'd lay out on the shingles and glare up into the night sky.

That's where I smoked my first cigarette and kissed my first girl, but it's not special because of that.

There was this guy, Tweek. You've probably heard of him. He was a special kind of kid. The last one of his entire race.

Tweek was ever anxious and nervous. He was literally terrified of everything.

One night when my parents were away, I showed him the roof.

At first he was in spasms because he thought he would slide right off. Then he looked up instead of down.

He would just be so fascinated with the sky.

I can still remember to this day his face. It was so incredible to see this kid who was near panic attack, to be amazed by the simplest of things.

It was like he never saw a star in his life. Each time he'd look up, his eyes would get big and his mouth would gape. It was like watching a newborn being able to walk for the first time.

There was an innocence to it.

One night in particular was important to me. It was significant because it foreshadowed my whole life. It made me change perspectives about a lot of things.

Tweek had that effect on me.

We were sitting up on the roof after a long day of school. I remember it was a _Wednesday_, Tweek's favorite day of the week. It was a brisk September night, the air stinging the inside of my nose.

I had just stolen a few cigarettes from my ma's stash and some beer from my father's collection.

"Craig, do you like stars?" Tweek said out of the blue.

I really didn't know how to respond so I just grunted out a smartass remark: "What kind of question is that?" I thought I knew everything under the sun, like I was master of the universe or something. I wasn't.

I turned my attention to Tweek, his eyes were wandering over the bright lights in the blanket of blackness.

"Agh... I mean, what do you think a star is? I like to think, stars are kind of like all the people who die here on earth. They are like souls of the people we miss. They watch over us. Like angels or something. What do you think?"

"That's depressing." I answered.  
I wanted to say, 'When you die Tweek, you go six feet under. You rot and decompose. There is no Heaven or Hell. You just die', but that would be too harsh.

"I'm going to be a star one day. I wanna be a bright one." Tweek smiled sweetly, turning to me. "Oh, and you can be right beside me. Wouldn't it be great?"

I blew him off, opening the beer with a loud pop. "Whatever you say Tweek."

Something was off.

He knew something I didn't. I didn't know it quite then. I didn't pick up on his subtle hints. I thought about it...

I thought a lot about Tweek.

It wasn't supposed to be that way. It shouldn't have happened.

It was like an accident, almost out of nowhere. Nobody was expecting it. It just happened one day. I wasn't even ready for it.

Misfortune.

Nobody ever thought something bad would happen to Tweek.

I mostly stayed away. I couldn't go see him like _that_.

I had to force myself. It was so hard. It was like when Stripe died, I couldn't bring myself to see him. I pretended like it didn't happen, but you can only ignore something for so long.

Sooner or later I had to see Tweek.

I gathered enough courage to get into the hospital but I paled seeing the door to his room. The guys behind me were starting to get restless. I held out a trembling hand to the handle.

Clyde spoke up. "Come on Craig, don't pussy out. He's counting on you."

I took a breath, creaking the door open.

I could hear a steady beeping sound, then I could smell this intense smell of a sterile environment. It had this stink to it. You could almost taste the smell.

I peeked in, seeing a silhouette. The blinds were slightly open so only a little light was pouring in. The TV was off and he was sitting upright. His bright hazel eyes were focusing on anything but the cage he was trapped in.

I could see him visibly cringe, his eyes lowering down to his lap.

He had on one of his green tattered hoodies. There were tubes and needles looping around, sticking out his skin all over his body. Two tubes in particular I couldn't take my eyes from. The pair that lead into his nose.

It was all I saw.

Then, I noticed this ugly red hat. I've never seen Tweek wear a hat ever.

Jesus Christ.

I kept begging, 'why couldn't this have been me?'.

I stepped inside with the guys following behind me. Tweek spotted me, nearly hopping out of his hospital bed. "Craig, you made it!" He seemed astonished. "I missed you Craig."

Jimmy, Clyde and Token gathered around his bedside. I stood off to the side.

Tweek put on a happy face, masking any pain he had.

"Are the doctors going to make you all better?" Clyde asked.

"That's the plan," Tweek said hopefully. "I'm taking it one day at a time."

Token pulled out a hand-held. I don't even think the game system even came out to the public at the time. "I got the new Terrance and Philip game. I think you'll need it more than me... just give it back when you're finished. No spoilers okay?"

"Thank you Token," Tweek took it graciously. "You didn't have to-"

Jimmy lifted himself up with his crutches, walking over to his bedside with a note in hand. "Tweek, I wrote you something."

Tweek eyes scanned over the paper, squinting in the dim light. "What's this?"

"A-a list of j-j-jokes. I wro-wrote them myself."

A warm smile graced his lips as he read one out loud. "A hot dog and a hamburger walk into a bar. The bartender tells them to leave because they don't serve food." Tweek let out a little giggle, folding it up and placing it on his bedside table. "Thank you. I'll need this."

"I heard that hospital food sucks ass soo," Clyde jiggled up a bag of tacos. "I got the new super el taco for you."

Tweek's eyes lit up. "Tacos? Thanks Clyde."

Everyone looked towards me. Uh-oh. I didn't have anything for Tweek. I didn't know we were supposed to bring something. I must have missed the memo.

"I'm sorry, I don't have anything to give you."

Tweek let out a forced laugh, it sounded almost painful. "It's okay, I wasn't asking for anything. Just you being here is enough."

I heard the door open loudly as a woman in scrubs made her way over to Tweek's bedside, opening the blinds. We were all blinded by the light. "Tweek, are your ready for your treatment?" she asked sweetly.

Then I saw Tweek better.

Remember how pale Tweek was before? He was stark white in contrast. The black bags that hung under his eyes intensified. He lost a considerable amount of weight. Now he was skin and bones.

All and all it was pitiful.

"Just a second." Tweek fiddled with his hands, looking up at me through his lashes. "There's been something I've been meaning to tell you..."

My mind automatically went to a love confession or something, like one of those movies you see on those girly channels. I hoped it wasn't not a love confession.

"I know you don't like visiting much so whenever you feel like you want to see me," Tweek let out a hum. "Just look up at the stars and think of me, okay? I know I'm way too much pressure and you can be busy. It's alright."

I felt my throat tighten.

I tried to brush it off like so many times before. I flipped him off casually.

The nurse seemed impatient. "Come on Tweek, into the wheelchair you go." She lifted him up, setting him in the chair with no effort. "Say goodbye to your little friends." The woman ripped out a few loops of tubes protruding from his skin.

Tweek waved at us before he was wheeled out of the room. When the door shut, it seemed like everyone took a collective sigh.

Clyde glanced over at me. "Well, what do you think."

I stayed silent.

I felt my chest cave in just a little. I wasn't going to let Tweek be alone anymore. I needed to take action.

I'll never forget the next day how determined I was to see him. I wasn't going to ignore the situation. I wanted to make the most of it. I wasn't going to let him slip away alone in some hospital.

I skipped school, picking up a gift on the way. I knew he would enjoy what I had in the Styrofoam cup.

I knew the room, I just went as fast as my legs would take me.

When I got to the door I froze for a second. I shook off the fear. The fear of him being inside and... _dead_.

I peeked my head inside. I squinted roughly, seeing Tweek.

He sat on the edge of the bed, leaned over on his side. Tweek kept taking loud shallow breaths. He let out a muffled whine, grasping his sheets. He choked back a sob, his body trembling. He reached over to a vase on the night stand, throwing it at the opposite wall.

It crashed and crumbled to tiny sharp pieces.

"Tweek, are you okay?" I flicked on the light.

He shot up, picking up his legs, swinging them under the blankets. "Yeah! It's just a little tiring today."

He tried to seem as bright as possible. I knew it was a lie. I wanted to desperately to ignore the burns on his legs. I saw them, I just ignored it. I made myself believe he was alright.

I held out the cup of coffee to him.

"Oh... you didn't have to-"

"Two creams, one sugar and I put a little candy cane in it since it's the holidays." I said, rushed. "I felt like such an asshole yesterday."

"Thank you." he took a sip. Tweek itched the side of his nose where a tube stuck out.

"Does that hurt?" I asked, pointing to the tubes.

"It can. It's hard to breathe without theses tubes in my nose." Tweek peered up from his cup, his warm coffee eyes on me. "Don't worry about me. Everything is going to be fine."

There was a long silent between us.

I just kept looking at that ugly hat. I felt my lips curve up into a smile. "You look like a hobo with that sock on your head."

"I-I'll take it off then." Tweek reached up, slipping off the hat. I was expecting there to be long blonde locks that would stick out of his head like he was electrocuted or something.

Not a trace of his cowlicks laid underneath. Every bit of hair was gone.

"Do I look better like this or no?" he said nervously.

I felt twinge in my chest. I ripped my hat off my head silently, I leaned in, plopping my blue chullo on his head.

He sat there in shock for a moment, I had never been that nice to him.

"But, this your hat."

I shrugged. "It looks better on you."

Tweek sat sipping his coffee. He stopped suddenly before turning to me with a grimace.

"What if I 'become a star'?"

I knew what he meant. In all my times I was with Tweek, we never used the words, 'death' or 'dying'.

"That's not going to happen, at least for another fifty years." I smiled thoughtfully. "You're going to high school, no question about that. You'll probably meet a nice girl and then maybe settle down and have a family. A big one Tweek, I'm expecting fifteen kids."

"Fifteen kids?!" Tweek tittered.

"Yeah, you're going to be pretty busy. Don't forget your big coffee business." I let out a hum. "You have so much more time before becoming a star in the sky."

I heard a shuffle of paper, when I looked up I saw Tweek clear his throat.

"What did zero say to eight?"

"What?" I asked.

"Nice belt."

That had to be the _worst_ joke ever.

I let out a laugh, I was snorting and chuckling loudly. Tweek started to laugh with me. We started to laugh so loudly that it became obnoxious.

I don't think we were laughing at the lame joke, more like at each other.

I can honestly say I have never laughed that hard in my life.

Tweek brightened considerably. "I have never seen you laugh at anything _ever_. See? It's good to laugh. I've had a lot of time to twitch and be jittery. I think you need to relax a little." Tweek patted his hands together. "That's it, when I get out of the hospital, I'm buying a telescope. You get first dibs."

"A telescope, huh? I'll buy it for you then."

He was smiling and that was all I saw. I completely forgot about the tubs in his nose or how he was missing hair.

I just saw him happy.

I visited Tweek nearly every day. After school, before, hell, I would even skips school entirely. We would sit around and laugh. We'd watch Red Racer and just talk.

And, I miss him. I really miss Tweek.

Things change.

People change.

Things happen.

_People_ _die_.

I remember rushing through the halls with a smile spread across my face.

The layer of ice encasing my heart was starting to melt. I felt like I could really open up to someone for the first time. I could tell Tweek anything.

Why didn't it notice before?

That day, I got Tweek something really special. The girls had worn these gold charms with some stupid saying, but I found one that was blank and it was a star. I thought he would enjoy it.

It was a gift from everyone, especially me and the guys.

I opened Tweek's door without another thought. "Hey Tweekster I-"

My eyes got wide.

Something wasn't right.

I saw an old man lying in bed. He looked familiar but I'm not sure who he was. My eyes searched for Tweek, but I didn't see a hint of him anywhere. "Who are you and where is Tweek?"

"Who are you looking for?" the man gruffed out through a hole in his throat. I could barely understand him. He had deep wrinkles in his skin. I couldn't see his eyes passed his thick glasses. I noticed he only hand one arm as well.

I think it's that guy who hung around Jimbo a lot. Was it... Ned? Or Ted? I'm not sure.

"My friend Tweek, where is he?! He was here yesterday. Why are you in his bed?" I demanded.

"Oh," The older man's eyes darkened. "They don't move people in this ward, your friend..."

"Where is he?"

"He might of... passed on." his electrical voice croaked out.

"Tweek didn't-" I growled out viciously. "He didn't die. He can't die. I told him all these things."

That man just watched me as I started to berate him. I was fuming and the words just came out of my mouth like liquid poison.

"...I told Tweek all these things he would do when he got out of the hospital. He even knew I was lying to him. He just smile at me and pretend everything was okay. _He'd just fucking smile at me_."

The man's expression seemed weary.

"He told me that stars are they are the souls of the people we miss. They watch over us, like angels. How could I have been so stupid? Why did I believe that crap? I want more time with him, I'm just beginning to open up to someone. I want him back!"

The man stared at me before lifting the machine back to his throat. "Boy, let me tell you something about stars."

I whipped my head to him.

"Most stars have been dead for millions of years and the light is just now reaching us."

That wasn't what I wanted to hear. I gnashed my teeth together roughly.

He let out a sigh, holding his machine in his neck. "But, I mean... this Tweek... if he's really," the man trailed off. "Then he's watching you in the stars. He might be gone and forgotten for millions of years but his gaze down on you is much longer than that."

I refused to look at this man. I was going to cry. I felt it in my face. The way my throat constricted, the way my eyes tingled and got hot...

"As long as you look up and see his star, he'll be with you for a whole lifetime, then... you'll be a star too. You'll be with him."

I let out a snivel, wiping my nose. "You're lying. That's stupid to believe. When people die... They rot, six feet under."

The man croaked out. "Believe what you want to believe then."

"Ned are you ready for-" A nursed entered the room with a clipboard in hand. "Craig, what are you doing in here?"

"...I was looking for Tweek."

"Didn't someone tell you? He was moved last night. He's in room three hundred now."

Moved?!

I felt my legs move by themselves as I darted out of the room. The nurse called out to me but I didn't hear it. I searched in the hallway coming to a door that read in big bold numbers three hundred.

I yanked the door open.

My eyes darted all around until I spotted him. Tweek was sitting in his wheelchair playing on the little hand-held, wearing my hat.

"Craig?" he gave me an odd look.

"Tweek," I hurried to his side, nearly breaking down. "You're still here, thank god."

"Yeah," Tweek put down the game, concerned look spread across his features. "They moved me to this room for a while. I'm getting out soon. I'm so excited to-"

"You scared the shit out of me." I pressed my thumbs into my eyes. I needed to compose myself. "I was so scared that you were dead."

"Oh, Well... I'm alright Craig. Don't worry. Everything will be fine. It always is."

I dug around in my pocket, whipping out the charm. The necklace dangling out to him.

"Oh, wow!" Tweek grabbed it up, holding it in the light. "Is this for me? It's beautiful."

"From me and the guys."

Tweek put it around his neck, the bright golden star shone brightly. "Thank you Craig." he let out pleased laugh. "Thank you so much." he reached out to my hand, holding it loosely.

I broke away from him.

I reached down to his level, grabbing him up into a hug. I buried my face in his shoulder. I could smell the hints of coffee that still clung to his shirts. I let out a snivel.

Tweek let out a content sigh, rubbing my back. I could still hear him shushing me.

"Thank you for everything, Tweek."

And that was it.

I'll never forget him.

We became almost inseparable after all of that happened. Where ever I went Tweek was sure to follow. He eventually became a little jittery, but that's always what I enjoyed about him.

I remember he was fine all the way up until high school. He got sick again but that time the doctors told Tweek there wasn't any way he was going to survive it.

It was something unavoidable. It came back and just spread and spread. I offered to give Tweek every organ in my body just so he could live but it was too late for any of that.

I knew it was the end.

I didn't want to admit it, but we both knew. We didn't talk about dying, hell, I don't think either of us could talk about it.

The last time in that hospital though, he was weaker than before, a shell of his former self.

He grabbed my hand and whispered out to me, 'don't worry. I'll be fine'. I knew it wasn't... I just knew it wasn't. I'd just nodded my head though and swallow back the lump in my throat.

When he finally passed, he wasn't in pain. Tweek just fell asleep and didn't wake up.

It was late on a Wednesday night, his favorite day of the week.

Although, he did everything he wanted up to that point. Tweek got his wish and he got his telescope. I think every day that he was home, he would be looking into that contraption.

He even picked out a star, Altarf. It was the brightest start in the constellation Cancer.

I thought he was just being ironic.

But, he did what he loved up until his dying day.

After it was said and done, I took back my chullo from Tweek's parents. I could still smell him and a hint of the hospital sterile smell. I remember as soon as I was alone, I broke down holding my hat close to me. I let out the most pitiful sob I ever made in my life, curling up into a ball.

I cried for the first time in years.

It's been a year or so now, in this house, somewhere in California, I look up to the skies. My eyes searching for his star.

When I look up I don't feel sad, I feel at ease.

I hold the Tweek's necklace tighter in between my fingers.

I stopped trying to hold onto Tweek and I let him go, like water through my fingers.

I just breathe and I can't help feel a weight disappear from my shoulders.

I can't help feel like a part of him is up there, looking down at me.

As I look up into the great unknown, I know he's happy and one day, I'll join him up there.

We'll be right next to each other. Together, for all eternity.


	14. Smile

**Kammy.**

**I think this is my best Kammy fic so far.**

**Warning: Very, very dark themes. ****It broke my heart writing this! I was in near tears like, "I'm such a monster!".**

**Indeed I am.**

* * *

Cycles are vicious.

Things have a tendency to repeat themselves.

History is one such thing.

I step back and think... How did I end up like my dad?

I sat in lumpy chair, in a crammed office somewhere. The only shred of light pouring from the blinds directed right into my eyes. A man in a business suit sat with his hands folded behind a desk. His eyes on both of us, like a principle ready to reprimand you for something you've done.

Paperwork and yet more paperwork.

Soon the McCormick family will be no more.

The lawyer started to go over more of the paperwork before clearing his throat. "Right, Tammy McCormick... You want a divorce from Kenny McCormick?"

"Yeah, that's right."

"Why?" he started scribbling things on paper.

"Reasons of irreconcilable differences."

"And Kenny, what do you want?"

I shifted uncomfortably, I didn't want this. I didn't want this at all. "If this is really what she wants, then I can't stop her."

"Alright then." He let out a sigh, rubbing his eyes. "A few days of going over a bit of paperwork, a bill will be presented to the court and it'll be official. Then who do I charge?"

I spoke up. "Me."

Tammy didn't even hesitate.

I look towards her. Tammy's makeup is messily done, her long hair covering her expression as she continued to face the lawyer. Her blond streaks long since faded.

Whatever happened to us? Those two happy kids back in high school? The house with laughter echoing from every room. A sound of toddlers footsteps on hardwood floors.

Has it all died with us?

I opened the door to the bronco as it squeaked loudly. A memory. It comes rushing back to me like waves on the shore. I wince.

_"Mommy! Look the drawing I made you and daddy. You guys can be happy now."_

_"Not right now sweetie Ken and I-"_

_"Get outta here kid! Can't you see me and your mom are talking?! Go outside and play!"_

I rested my forehead in my hand, looking it to the road in front of me.

It was like something died with me and Tammy. Things fell apart and now, we have no one to blame but ourselves. She reminded me of my mother, Carol.

And I'm Stuart.

Cycles are vicious.

I parked the bronco in the driveway, I turned the key before just sitting there. I didn't have the strength to enter my home. Tammy gave a sideways glance, going right inside our... I mean, the house.

I let out a sigh, glancing at that shack. It reminded me of the house my mom and dad had. It only brought back bad memories.

Too many bad memories are in this house of ours.

I opened the fridge door, taking out a large package of beer, plopping on the couch. It's the kind my father drank. It's the only kind I like.

I flipped through the channels to Nascar.

I can feel more memories festering and I need a drink.

One beer turned to two and then to six and then to twenty. It doesn't bother me to gulp down whatever pain I have. I just let it slip down my throat along with anymore haunting memories. It gives me a sense of relief.

I was ripped out of my daze by a silhouette blocking the TV screen.

"Your still on this couch getting drunk? Didn't you learn your lesson?"

I glanced up at Tammy with a drunken expression. "Shut up."

"Don't you get it?! This is how everything happened! That's why Kenny-"

I jumped to my feet, before I knew it my hand curled into a fist and my arm extended. My fist colliding with the side of her face.

She fell to the floor, looking up at me frightened.

I towered over her. "You even say those words, I'll make you eat your teeth. You think you're so high and mighty and so goddamn perfect? Cheating on me with that Dave Darsky?"

"Ken-"

"Oh please, don't act so surprised. I knew you were." I sneered. "Leaving in the middle of the day to pick up groceries? You'd come back empty-handed. I might be a drunk but I'm not stupid!"

I let out another angry snarl. "You were always fighting with me because you could. You knew that I wouldn't fight back. I'm getting sick of this shit Tammy, you're not the same girl I knew in high school."

She got to her feet shakily. "I-I know I'm not perfect."

"What Tammy? What's the excuse this time?"

She held her face, sniveling. "It's not like I want to divorce, it just..."

"Just what?"

"Too much has happened here. You have to understand that we just need to move on and start a new life."

It was then when I noticed all the packaged up items of ours. Tammy's had her name neatly written in marker and mine had some sort of chicken scratch. We were auctioning off the house, it wasn't much of a surprise.

There was a long period of silence.

Realization washed over me.

I sunk into the couch, placing my hand over my mouth nervously. "We still have to unpack his room you know?"

"Can't we just leave it here?"

"Sooner or later were both going to have to look in there. It's like a tomb for Christ's sakes."

Tammy held her cheek tenderly. The cheek looked like it was starting to swell up. Tammy blinked back a few tears.

"Tam-cat, I'm sorry." I reached out for her but she yanked away. I could hear the slam of our bedroom door.

I laid back on the couch, looking up at the ceiling.

It seemed like hours, then it hit me, finally sleep.

My eyelids got heavy and fell. I could hear the sounds of bare feet, pattering on the floor and giggles from a baby. I could also hear squeaking of toys.

In my dream, I could see him. The little tyke. We would swing him into our hands on the way into a store. He'd fly up and swing back down. He would giggle and smile.

Kenny. That's what we named him, after me.

He was Tammy's pride and joy. When Tammy found out she was pregnant, she went out and splurged our money on all sorts of things. Big teddy bear, color crayons and books of all sizes. She was practically gleaming. I just thought of it as another mouth to feed.

We were just so young back then, back when we were seventeen.

I was... rough on him.

Little Kenny looked just like me, bright blue eyes and sun-kissed hair but he was just so light-hearted.

Then, a memory flew right into my head.

"Daddy, help!"

He ran inside as his knee was dripping with red.

"I was going too fast on my bike and-" the blonde-haired tyke sputtered. "I fell and got a boo-boo."

"A boo-boo, eh? You're mommy ain't here to kiss it." I took the last gulp out of my can, crushing it in my fingers, I reached down opening another. "It's got training wheels, how do you fall off?"

"Can you kiss it?"

I glared up at him, my eyebrows furrowing. I wasn't able to control my anger. "No, you're a boy, not a girl. You don't always need Tammy, 'kissing your boo-boos'. Man up for Christ's sakes!" I shooed him. "Now get! I'm trying to watch Nascar!"

Little Kenny hung his head, disappearing behind a big blue door.

I woke up in a cold sweat. I got to my feet abruptly, I wandering in front of that big blue door. I noticed Tammy in one of her house coats just standing by the door. Almost memorized. Tammy turned to me with a surprised expression.

"Your here too?" She asked quietly. "Maybe it's a sign. Ken, we- I have to do this, tonight."

"Yeah," My hand found hers as we both each other squeezed tightly. "Together? Okay?"

I took the key off the handle of the door and we both took a collective breath. I pressed the key inside, unlocking it.

I pushed open the door to see playroom still untouched. Dust lightly layered a few toys. The bookshelves of kids books neatly stacked. Giant teddy bears hung their heads, almost sad that no one had time to play with them anymore.

Tammy took a few steps inside, a shaky breath leaving her lips.

I snatch up a packing box, starting to place toys inside. Stuffing the teddy bears inside along with the toy cars. Everything in this room had to go. I remember when this room was loud. The churning and clinging and clangs from toys and the sound of laughter.

Now look at it.

Tammy went through a few drawers, holding up old clothes. "We-We're terrible parents." she sobbed, holding the tiny shirt into her chest.

I winced, trying to blink off the memories that came rushing to me. "Let's just pack this stuff up, okay?"

She nodded, folding up the shirts and pants before placing them into the boxes.

We were just going to donate them. I was going to do it anyways. Tammy would probably keep everything. She took everything a lot harder than I did.

Tammy peered down at the small table where a sketch pad laid out. She flipped through some old pictures.

Happy pictures of that little Kenny would scribble.

Tammy let out a hum seeing the messily done scribbles. She flipped through a few other pictures, stopping abruptly. I glanced down to see two figures yelling and fighting and the tiniest figure was all alone.

Tammy bit her lip, her voice cracking. "I knew I was going to find something like this."

I snatched up the sketch pad, throwing it into a black bag.

"Don't throw that away!" she protested, grabbing my wrist.

"Tammy it's the past!" I nearly yelled.

"Our baby drew that! Our baby! Don't you care about Kenny?!"

I gripped her shoulders. "He's dead!"

"No! He's not!"

I shook her with every word. "He isn't coming back. This stuff," I held out little toy cars and the like before throwing them in the bag. "Its holding you back. It's holding us back!"

"We can't just throw it away!" she started to scream at me like a lunatic. "You never loved him! You never took the time to love him and tell him how special he was! You NEVER showed him any sort of compassion!"

I hid my face from her as my voice cracked. The words seemingly disappeared from the way from my head to my mouth. The words were gone and I couldn't place them.

My heart dropped as I came to a realization:

I am a bad father.

I remember the day when... he... When everything happened.

I was fighting with Tammy. I was drunk and Tammy was angry.

It was like any other day.

"Mommy! Look the drawing I made you and daddy. You guys can be happy now." My son held up a drawing to Tammy.

"Not right now sweetie Ken and I-"

I cut Tammy off in my drunken anger. "Get outta here kid! Can't you see me and your mom are talking?! Go outside and play!"

Little Kenny left the little drawing on the table before slipping out of the house with his back pack in hand.

After a while we noticed he was gone.

I remember looking at the little crude drawing he left on the table for us. The thing he made me and Tammy to make us happy.

It was a kid on a bike that said simply in messy writing: 'bye-bye'.

At first Tammy and I were furious as we went out looking for him. But, everywhere we looked, we never found him. We thought he'd be at Stan and Wendy's or maybe at my parent's house.

But he wasn't.

I remember the next turn, near the rhinoplasty. Car's blocked off the entrance to either road. Police cars and ambulances gathered around the small accident. Something told me that something wasn't right, that this scene-

I rushed out of the car and passed Barbrady-

I was running as fast as my legs would take me. The whole accident came into view.

It was every parent's worst fear.

There was a car and a hill and little Kenny was at the wrong place at the wrong time...

This is what my parents must have felt like when I died so many times before. It was one of the worst things to ever experience.

We harassed by people in South Park but it didn't stop there. We made national news. People all over ridiculed us. We couldn't even have a proper funeral without someone trying to interview one of us or take a picture. Hiding under an umbrella before slipping away in a car, we didn't even stay for the whole service.

Hounded down like celebrities. We were seen as unfit parents and villains by nearly everyone.

They said all kinds of things: Ignorant. Irresponsible. Abusive. Deadbeats. Derelicts... Bad parents.

_Bad parents._

Bad parents...

Sure, we had our faults but what happened can't be blamed on us.

It was one of those things.

Things like this happen, right?

Tammy just blames herself, sitting in her room looking at photos past and I just drink my problems away, plopped on a couch with glazed over eyes.

I know I was hard on little Kenny, I know we both didn't pay much attention to him. I know we both didn't give him the love he deserved.

Cycles are vicious.

Things have a tendency to repeat themselves.

History is one such thing.

Almost a month later, we left the office for the last time. The McCormick family finally disbanded.

Tammy looked at me painfully. "I guess this is goodbye." I could see Dave Darsky in the truck behind her, in my bronco. Excuse me, her bronco.

She has someone new.

Now I'm alone.

"Yeah," I scratched the back of my head. "Goodbye then."

She turned away from me abruptly, going our different ways.

I started down the sidewalk in the opposite direction. I pulled out a little paper from my pocket, staring down at the little happy scribble family as I walked. Tammy, Kenny and me.

I could still see Little Kenny beside me, holding his mother's hand swinging happily. I could still hear his voice and see his bright blue eyes filled with awe. He would let out a delightful giggle and exclaim. _"Higher!" _And I would swing him higher into the air.

_"I love you daddy!"_

And I would smile because we were one big happy family.

But, there are no smiles here, they only in my memories.


	15. Silence

**Silence.**

**Creek and a hint of Crenny.**

**Abuse and lot of other themes that are dark and blah, blah, blah...**

**I really like this chapter, it weirdly echos with me. It's probably because I haven't quite felt my best lately. It's nice to vent it out and make a little fic.**

* * *

I just wanted to be normal.

_"Just shut up already!"_

I wanted to be just like everyone else. Have hopes, dreams, aspirations...

_"Tweek, god, just stay quiet!"_

About seventeen years ago, I was festering in my mother's womb. A baby that should have never been born.

How I wished that I never existed.

I could smile and tell you it was alright when it really wasn't. I wasn't afraid to help others when I was unable to save myself. I am an infected sore walking this earth and I only decay more and more with each passing moment. From the inside out, I'm rotten to the very core.

My mouth has been sown shut.

_"Stop saying that I love you, I don't. Leave me alone!"_

And, whatever I say, it never reaches anyone's ears. I ask for someone to listen but they leave me. So, metaphorically my lips were sealed.

_"Goddamn it, just leave me ALONE!"_

I guess it's for the best anyways; even if I was loud, they'd ignore me. Tweek doesn't exist. Who was Tweek Tweak anyways?

_"I hate you Tweek, you know?_

It was like, I could never fit in the cookie cutter. I was always the one who stuck out but was constantly shunned. With wild hair and a shirt that was never quite buttoned right, I was the black sheep. Or maybe a ghost?

I was the one who would go into seizures on the floor with drool trailing from the side of my mouth.

...People like me deserve to die. It would do them a service.

_"Are you even listening to me?!"_

Soon, I feel like I'll disappear without a trace.

_"...Tweek?"_

No one would notice.

Then, when life was looking its darkest, something truly amazing happened to me. Someone noticed me. Someone saw and loved me. For the first time, I felt like I mattered.

All these wounds that litter my body are special to me. My body is truly loved.

_"S-say something..."_

Bruises that hold an arrange of colors like gemstones and cuts that leak out red gold. I don't even try to hide it anymore. I'm proud to display my love marks that grace my skin.

People my age are lucky to experience such things.

I'm so lucky to be loved.

I finally have a purpose. Even if he loves me with his fists, it's proof that I'm worth living. For the first time since I was even conceived, I have purpose.

_"Tweek,"_

It like this emotion bottling up inside me like I might burst. I wonder if it's just my imagination or I think I'm falling in love.

_"Are you okay?!"_

Craig's panting and the angry scowl on his face... the way he would clench his teeth and tell me how much he hated me. I would feel myself choke back a sob, but it fills me up with so much joy, I can't help but cry.

Too much of a coward to live life and too much of a coward to end it, I'll live in his shadows in secret.

I am a leech in a pretty package. I'd ruin your life by feeding off things that make you the happiest. I really am a useless person. I don't deserve to even get beaten.

I'll apologize million times for nonexistent mistakes. I know I'm sorry, for what? I'm not sure. My apologizes roll off my tongue:

"I'm sorry,"

"I don't want to offend you,"

"will you forgive me?"

Apologies ensure my safety.

I was scared he'd find me boring. He'd find my cries of pain and my constant tears droll. Then what? I'd be all alone again.

I'd die without his compassion.

It's only my because of my self-loathing. I hate myself so much more than you can even imagine. I couldn't hurt myself, it wouldn't hold in the same regard either.

It hurts to say I hurt. That was why I'm glad my lips are sown shut.

I can't help but smile as his fists hit my face. It was his answer to anything and how I love it.

_"Come on, breathe!"_

If he were to kill me, it'd be just fine with me. I would welcome it with a smile. So, don't look at me with a face of shock or horror... I'm enjoying this. This is my purpose in life and I happily accept it.

I am NOT a victim.

Even now, I hear his voice after his vicious beatings.

It was like I'm threaded through a meat grinder, my bones ache and my head is hazy. Through it all I could almost see Craig's smile.

And I'll smile back.

_"Tweek, don't you fucking die!"_

When Craig smiles, it's like I forgot all times when I was alone. It makes me happy to see him enjoy himself. It makes me happy that he's smiling when he beats me.

I could gladly give my life for him. All he has to do is say the word and I'll end it. If he wants my body to beat, it's his for the taking.

I'll do anything to make Craig happy. Even if that means being near death, I'll do it with a smile.

My existence revolves around this boy in blue.

Everything has led up to this moment ...Something is terribly wrong with me. This isn't normal, is it?

I could feel another breath through my parted lips along with the feeling of someone pressing on my chest. _"Tweek,"_ he started to beg.

My eye snapped open as a double of Craig hovered in my vision. At first the pain crept on me, then it intensified to an almost unbearable level. I let out a weak sob.

Craig clenched his teeth. "Why were you playing dead like that?!"

My throat closed in on itself. I couldn't even let out a whimper. I couldn't t see him as white blotches cover my eyes. Fiery white-hot pain spread through my whole body.

He'd beaten me into unconsciousness and back again.

I felt like I had a concussion or at least, the symptoms of one.

"I'm sorry Craig." I spoke weakly, "I must have passed out or- som-"

A blow connect with the side of my head. Even though its light, it rattled my whole head and I felt bile creep into the back of my throat.

I let out a small moan of agony. I was never been beaten that badly before. I could see blood covering Craig's fists. I can't tell if it's his or mine or a mix of both. He helped me up but I couldn't feel my feet. I nearly slipped in his grasp.

Everything was unreal.

"I'm sorry Craig." I let out a whisper, "I'll take it better next time. I won't say, 'I love you' either."

"Good."

I heard footsteps descending on the stairs a little ways away. We both froze. Nobody came down this stairwell. It lead to the boiler room and not even the janitor went down there. It was me and Craig's spot, our special place.

...Nobody should come down here.

I panicked.

My wounds were much more apparent, if I felt this bad I must look worse. The footsteps got louder and louder. I hid myself in Craig's side, thinking I'd be invisible.

A boy in orange came down the stairs with a strange cigarette in hand and a lighter in another. He stopped to where we stood.

It was like time froze.

These wounds would never heal in seconds and neither would the old ones. My gems are old news to the people in this school. I just wanted Kenny to go away. I wished he'd just disappear. To just turn around and ignore us.

But he didn't.

Kenny took a quick look at me then to Craig's bloodied knuckles. At first he seemed horrified, then livid. I've never seen Kenny angry, let alone that look that he gave Craig was almost petrifying.

He started trudging down the stairs before ripping Craig off his feet, leaving me to slide against the back of the concrete stairs. I tried to cling to the walls, to grab on to anything before I hit the stairs... but nothing happened.

I let out another strangled groan. The bruises on my back from a few days ago started to get hot and ached. The familiar pain radiating through my bones.

And then I noticed all the blood that had smeared on the walls.

I heard muffled voiced and heavy snorts. I craned my head to see Kenny on top of Craig. He was bludgeoning my poor Craig. I've never seen him so angry.

I could see him struggle but Kenny only hit harder, holding him snug against the floor with one hand and beating him with the other. I winced every time I could hear a sickening sound of his knuckles pounding on Craig's flesh.

I couldn't even move my legs. I was sick to my stomach. I felt like I could die. The dark corners of the room reminded me of the grim reaper and he would whisk me away from my ugly, broken body.

Kenny slung me into his arms.

I could feel myself being carried off by Kenny. I tried to speak but only a squeak of protest left my lips.

This isn't how it's supposed to be.

I wanted to tell Kenny to let me down but he continued down the hall. His happy-go-lucky smile replaced with a furious expression. I was frozen in fear.

Can someone's nightmare be someone's fantasy?

He sat me against a wall, my eyes wandering over blue and white faded tile as something cold pressed against my face.

I looked up.

Kenny knelt beside me, patting part of his soaked hoodie on my face. When he pulled back I noticed all the red stains.

I reached out for him, placing my hands on his shoulders.

I clutched onto him for support before standing straight up. I have to be strong. I have to be able to walk off the pain. I have to do it for Craig's acceptance.

I stole a glance, I wanted to see what I looked like in the mirror.

My face was swollen like a hundred bees stung my face. I had new sickly black and blue bruises littering my face. I couldn't open my right eye. My bottom lip was nearly split down the middle. My nose was most definitely broken, still pouring blood down like a waterfall.

I...

I hoped that I wasn't too ugly for Craig.

"Has Craig been the one doing this to you?" Kenny's features darkened. "Is that why every time you come to class your all beat up?"

I looked up to him with my one good eye. My lips are sown shut.

"Does he... take advantage of you or is it all physical abuse? I know if he's beating you up like this its emotional too."

I shimmied away from Kenny. He shouldn't ask things like that. It's not like Craig would do anything like that. He'd beat me... and tell me how much he hated me but never do anything that extreme.

"Tweek," he reached out to me.

I flinched instinctively. He stopped, studying me. I let out a breath, grabbing his hands. That's what he was trying to do anyways.

"You can talk to me." he said softly, the tone was strange almost foreign.

My heart quickened and my palms started to sweat. It was unfamiliar feeling welled up in my chest and in my cheeks. I let out a little sigh, hardly able to move my mouth. "He loves me."

"He did do this to you then?" Kenny slung his hoodie on, ready to stomp out of the bathroom and really hurt Craig. "I'll kill-"

"But, this is what I want."

Kenny gave me a dismayed glance. "Jesus Christ, you can't mean that... You don't want this, right?"

He just doesn't understand. He doesn't understand me at all. I felt the metaphorical strings around my lips loosen as I spoke again.

"This is what I've always wanted. Someone to notice me for who I am. I wanted someone to want me for something."

I rolled my tongue over my teeth, tasting coins on my taste buds.

"And Craig isn't the type to take advantage of people." I let out an amused snort at the thought. "My body is too ugly for any of that. I'm his punching bag. I'm only used to take his pent-up anger on. I'm not even considered one of his friends."

Kenny continued to look at me, horror-struck.

"You see, Craig is the only one who knows my name. The only person that talks to me. The only person who ever noticed me. It's easy to forget I'm even a person. I am. I'm a person with hopes and dreams and aspirations. I'm real."

I sobbed into my hands. "You don't know what it's like. I don't want to be alone anymore. Even if that means getting beaten, I know he'll still be there for me, at least for a little while. I'll smile through the pain because I know I won't be alone. And I'll do anything not to be alone."

I felt arms snake around my shoulders as an overwhelming smell of cigarette smoke and weed filled my senses. Kenny pulled me even closer.

I've never been hugged before. I didn't know what to do. My throat clenched and my guts felt light, almost fluttery. I felt... weird. All these feeling welling up in my chest made my stomach queasy.

I nuzzled his shoulder letting myself sob embarrassingly loud. The occasional hitch in my breath and hiccup. I let it all out.

It was nice to be comforted but...

Wrong.

This was all wrong.

I'm too ugly. I deserve someone's fists. I am a whipping boy. A goat. A pasty. A fall guy. A glutton for punishment.

A fool.

"T-thank you." I said shakily, ripping myself out of his arms. "I need to get going now."

"Tweek, you need to go to the nurse-"

Before he could finish, I was already out of the bathroom and on my way to Craig's spot on the stairs. I was going back to something I knew so well. Familiarity at its best.

I wobbled down the flights of stairs to where Craig was. I saw him rubbing his nose, his eyes wandered to mine. I let out a happy laugh and made my way over to him.

Something wasn't right. He gave off a strange feeling.

"Tweek, we need to talk."

He's never done that. I frowned. Kenny messed it all up for us.

Craig let out a tired sigh. "Whatever comes out of your mouth is just... I dunno, _irritating_. You don't even put up a fight anymore." he rolled his eyes. "And the constant 'I love yous' are incredibly annoying. And Kenny knows, now it has to stop."

I felt myself nearly choke, it's like I can't even breath. "Craig! Don't. Don't say you-"

"This... thing. It's over. I don't want any part of it."

...Am I too ugly for his love?

I started to beg weakly. "I'll do anything Craig, just don't leave me."

He gave me a blank stare. "Tweek, something is incredibly wrong with you. You're not a glutton for punishment, your beyond that. You're a masochist. Get help."

This is the only life I know.

And the only one I want to know.

He started his trek up the stairs, glancing at me for one last time, leaving me all alone on the steps. And, everything crashed down on top of me. My chest caving in itself and my eyes burned.

I'm left all alone.

Nobody there to hate me as much as I hate myself. Being alone is the worst feeling, even more unbearable than pain.

Weeks passed as my face started healing slowly. Bruises that were once were an angry purple turned a faint yellow. The gemstones and gold that made me so different, the love marks, all of it disappearing like a bad memory.

The bruises on the inside won't heal so easily.

I fiddle with a pencil. A number two pencil to be precise. I gripped it tightly, jabbing it down into my hand. I let out a gasp as it started to burn and sting.

I let off pressure, letting the writing utensil roll down the stairs.

It's not the same.

It's not Craig.

I jumped nearly five feet as a hand touched my shoulder.

Is it Craig?!

I turned to the man behind me. My eyes lit up then fell. I felt him tug me into a small embrace, feeling his nose tickle my neck.

Kenny let out a chuckle. "Long time no see, Tweek Tweak." He plopped beside me on the concrete stairs. "Wanna catch a movie at my house later or would you rather start a fight club?"

I turned, surprised. Wait, Kenny is inviting me to his house? And... that was my name.

"Right, a movie it is. Be at my house at four, okay? We'll watch something stupidly romantic or something." he pressed a kiss to my cheek.

I felt something stir in my chest.

Maybe, I'd live in his shadow next?

I'm too much of a coward to live my life and too much of a coward to end it.

I felt the thread on my sown lips being cut slowly, freeing my mouth.

I wonder, will Kenny free me up from these feelings?


	16. Questioning

**Attempt like, two-thousand at fluff. My fluff is like cotton candy laced with cyanide. Why can't I be like everyone else and be like, "they kissed and lived happily ever after"?**

**HALP MEH! ._.**

**Also, I don't own the movie Heavy Metal. I wish I did, lol. Taarna is pretty friggen sweet.**

**Kammy.**

* * *

Do you ever feel like you have some sort of unfinished business?

It builds and builds and builds until you can't even focus.

You just think of the loose ends in your life, like when you snag your favorite sweater on something, there's just this one lousy loop sticking out and when you try to press it back in, it doesn't work.

That what my life felt like.

I needed to go home one last time. Back to the root of evil, back to where I grew up. I had to force myself back.

I practiced.

I said it out loud to myself in the mirror, then to the TV. With eyes on the illuminating screen, the DVD acting as a window to the past, I watched him.

It was now or never. This was my only chance to tell the him how I felt. It's been at least three years maybe even more. I counted on my fingers. Five years. Five whole years.

I got off the bus, taking in the cold mountain town air. South Park, it's just like I remember. I came here for one thing and that was an old high school sweetheart.

Kenny was the epitome of perfect in my book.

God, I remember being in high school with him. Skipping school to go cheese or go to the arcade. Watching movies from the eighties. Man, I think we saw Heavy Metal at least twenty times. We would sneak out in the early morning to go to Stark's pond for the _real_ fireworks. Wearing v-line shirts and the shortest shorts just to get Ken's attention. Bending over to show off my legs for any reason I could.

Fuck, I wish I was a teen again.

This is why I'm here after all. I needed to tell him how I felt for all these years.

All those times of curious hands wandering over each other and those times not knowing exactly what we were. Were we boyfriend and girlfriend or were we just friends? We didn't know. We blurred the lines from black and white to a grayish muck.

Now I know how I feel. I need to tell him the truth. I needed to tell him face to face.

I needed to tell him that I was willing to throw everything away for him.

I carried my backpack with me across the railroad tracks to a shack. It was familiar, like it didn't even age a day. A busted car and junk lying all around. A few rats skittered past my feet. I knocked on the door loudly and proudly. I can do this, I can. I just have to be like, 'yo, I like you.'

A few locks clinked and clanked before a woman with long red hair yanked open the door. "Tammy is that you?" she crooned.

"Yeah! I'm glad you remembered me. I've done a little changin'." I smiled up at Carol. "Where's Stuart?"

"At Skeeter's." she leaned in the doorway. "You're probably lookin' for Kenny. Too bad, he doesn't live with us no more."

My face dropped. I hope I didn't come all this way for nothing. "He moved? Where is he?"

"He lives over there by them fancy apartments now. He lives in the first door, can't miss it."

I let out a little sigh. "Thanks. I guess, I'll be on my way. It was nice seeing you again Carol."

I walked down the steps hearing her voice crack in that Bill Clinton fashion. "And Tammy... Don't get too attached to Kenny. My boy is growing up now, I don't want you hanging on him. You ain't teenagers no more."

"Okay...?" I looked at her apprehensively. "I just needed to tell him something."

She rolled her eyes, shutting the door behind her.

I wonder what all that was about?

I started my long journey to the only apartment complex in South Park.

I was running the whole way there. I needed to see Kenny again. I needed to continue my pilgrimage. I was going to do this even if it kills me.

I was sweating by the time I got there. My makeup was probably smeared all to hell.

I knocked on the first door. I felt my heart pound hard in my chest, any harder and I bet my ribs would break right in two. I wonder what he looked like. I wonder if he looks like the boy in the DVD so many years ago.

Would he still be that frisky teen? Would he still be lively? Would he boring, prude office man? Gosh, I had so many questions.

I had this image imprinted on this DVD, a boy who was only seventeen. He must have matured in some way. Things never stay the same for too long.

I heard a dog bark then a bit of yelling along with sound coming from the TV. At least, I think it was the TV. I saw a tall man peek his head through the door. His blonde hair laid out perfectly. His blue eyes like the sky. "Yeah?"

"Ahem, uh, are you...?" I felt myself trip over my words. "Kenny McCormick?" I ask almost hesitantly.

He scanned over me before his eyes got wide. "No way." He slinked outside, looking down at me. "Tammy Warner?"

I gave a quick nod as he grasped me in a tight hug, shutting the door behind him with his foot.

"Ken... it's been so long."

He squeezed me in another tight hug, burying his face in my hair. "God, I've missed you so much."

"Kenny, I have to tell you why I'm here, it's because I-"

He looked towards the door before he put a finger over my lips.

"Tam, lets hang out when you get settled down, okay? You're probably staying at the only motel in South Park right? I'm free tonight. I'll pick you up at six, alright?" He slipped inside the door without another word.

My face dropped as I was left all alone in the hallway. I made my way out of the little apartment complex to the motel, checking in and spent a while waiting for him.

I was only staying for one night.

One day.

I had to tell him the truth.

I sat around in my motel room watching the DVD he gave me so many years ago. I can't believe how crazy we were. And Kenny, recording something like _that_.

I flush again.

I didn't even know he was recording something so... private. It makes me so embarrassed.

Kenny was so...

I heard a low purr of an engine then a honk of a horn. If you didn't know the sound of a bronco, it was like someone choking out a lion and the sound of the horn was like a goosey mating call.

I peered out the blinds to see him sitting in that same Go-go action bronco he always had. I straightened myself out, hurrying out to him.

Déjà vu. It's like I'm a teenager again.

He leaned over, opening the car door for me, I slid inside. "I missed you, Ken-poo."

"And I missed you, Tam-cat."

Kenny's fingers tangled in my hair before he yanked me to his mouth. My lips couldn't even keep up. Talk about surprise. It was a bit more slobbery then I remember.

"Losing your touch Tam?" he joked tugging at the steering wheel.

"No, I'm perfectly fine." I rubbed the side of my mouth. "I'm just a little rusty that's all."

"Where are we going?"

He had this shit eating grin plastered on his face as he drawled, "You should know."

It was long until he parked the truck in front of the old elementary school. "What are we...?" He tugged me through the snow and brush.

I saw the calm waters and the stars all lit up in the sky. This place was so familiar to me.

Stark's pond. He lifted a tape up to me before placing it into a conveniently placed boom box sitting on the bench. Huh, I bet he was trying to be really slick. It was cute actually.

I heard the song start-up, I almost rolled my eyes. "Stevie Nicks?"

"Yeah, ain't this romantic?"

"Actually, this is Kyle and Stan's song." He grasped me close, swaying with me. "But, it's a little more romantic than when we were teenagers."

He nuzzled my neck.

We danced and then...

I was dizzy to say the least. Have you ever felt that way before when someone seduces you right off you feet? Or maybe it's because Kenny makes me feel that way. It's like everything was a big blur.

We somehow made it back to my motel room. And you're probably thinking, 'did you guys do it?', well, yes.

And it was passionate.

Your probably laughing but I've never been loved quite so tenderly and to put it lightly, nicely. It wasn't like in high school, sneaking around school for a quickie just for the rush. It wasn't animistic or urge driven like so many times before. It wasn't as empty.

In a tangle of limbs, I've never so complete in my whole life.

My eyes shifted to the floor. "I gotta leave tomorrow."

Kenny sighed loudly, spreading out. "How long this time? Twenty years?"

"I don't know." I cuddled myself into his chest, rubbing circles into his skin. "I brought you something you gave me before I left."

"Oh god you don't mean..." he groaned, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah, the DVD!"

He blushed at the mere mention of it. "You still have it? D-dude, that was after senior year before you left."

"Aren't you curious about what's on it?"

Kenny sat up, shuffling into his clothes, plopping onto the side of the cot.

"What's wrong?" I scooted behind him. "You can always come with me Ken. Let's leave this place like we've always talked about." I nibbled at his ear. "Come back with me. I'll make sure we-"

"Tammy, there's something I have to tell you."

I stopped everything, just trying to read him. "What do you mean?"

I think there was a lot more than he led on.

He let out a sigh, putting his face in his hands before grasping the wallet that was in his pants pocket. He passed it to me.

I opened it, confused.

I saw a blonde tyke being held. "You had a baby, that's so adora-" My eyes caught the woman holding the baby.

Then I noticed it.

The ring on her finger. I felt something lumpy in the wallet. I pulled out a ring from the inside where a few bills were. I held up the solid gold ring in my hands.

Oh my God.

I got to my feet, wiggling into my clothes silently. I gathered my stuff into my back pack haphazardly.

Kenny's eyes shifted to mine. We just stared at each other. We both didn't have words to even say how we felt.

Whatever popped in my head just came out in a not so friendly fashion. "So, when were you planning on telling me? After you got a piece of my ass for the last time or were you just waiting for more out of me?"

"Tammy," his eyebrows furrowed. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"You're married! I slept with a married man. Do you know how _wrong_ that is?!"

"Come on, Tam, you know I'm not the marrying type. I got Kelly pregnant and her parents, being the ever so lovely Catholics, told me I had to marry her. I didn't want to. I've always wanted you. I've waited so long to see you."

"You're married to _Kelly_? That overly nice girl? The one who's waited on your hand and foot?" I felt my fingers comb through my hair. "You have the nicest wife in the world and a baby?"

I held my mouth before slipping out of the motel, Kenny came out after me, shimming into his jeans. "Tammy!"

"Kenny, I knew it was a bad idea to come back here." I panicked.

"I love you Tam, you know that."

My breath hitched even more in my throat.

This was my chance.

Whether I tell him my true feelings or...

A decision has to be made.

"Goddamn it!" I screeched. "I've always hated you and your fucking ego! You were always so goddamn touchy and immature. I hate you! I hate you!"

I sounded like a kid who didn't get her toy at the store. God, I'm pathetic.

Kenny stared at me with a look before letting out a laugh. "Is that why you left me all alone? Why did you leave South Park? College or was it you couldn't stand me anymore?"

I watched him as he tried to cover up the hurt in his voice. "You could have stayed with me. We could have been happy together. That could have been us. The kids... the marriage. When I asked you that day when we were going to see that concert, I meant it."

I grabbed my backpack closer. "I wanted to say one last goodbye and tell you how I feel."

Lies.

Such lies.

"Tell me how you truly feel and..." He shuffled. "We'll never meet again. Deal? I'll count down like we used to."

"One, two..." we started.

"Three. I love you, Tammy."

"Three." I tried not to let my voice waver. "I hate you, Kenny."

I let out a whimper. "I gotta go home."

Kenny picked out a cigarette from his pocket lighting it. "I'll wait for you, Tam. If you ever come back here, I'll drop everything for you." he let smoke billow from his nose. "I mean it too."

I could feel a smile grace my lips before it slipped into a grimace. I walked off into the dark of the night.

Story of my life in a nutshell.

When I finally got on the bus, I took the whole seat to myself. I curled up in a pathetic little ball, leaning into the window, I listened to his voice in my head.

'I love you' repeated so many times in my head, like song on repeat. I went through my back pack, panicking.

The DVD!? It was gone! I must have left it in the motel!

...I won't have a reminder of him again. I won't get to hear his voice or see his face...

I remember clearly that was on the DVD. It played out in my head...

It was the sky, then the snow, then the trees. Our houses.

The camera shook as Kenny's face appeared. "Today, me and you are going to see a concert. It's the first day of summer and it's still cold."

He grinned, his teeth crooked and his eyes still bright. "I know you're going off to college soon but... I'll always be here in South Park, waiting for you to come home. I can't believe I'm saying this. Me, Kenny McWhormick..."

He flashed a smirk at the camera. "I love you."

I remember seeing myself coming from the background, still whorish as ever. "Ken, what are you doing with my camera?"

"Tammy Warner! How do you feel about becoming Tammy McCormick?"

"Oh my god, shut up Ken!"

I sniffed feeling the cold from the window sting my cheeks.

Fuck, I wish I was a teen again. I could have told him how I felt. I could have said I wanted to marry him and have his kid. We could have been a happy family and I wouldn't be on some bus to nowhere.

Instead, I chose to leave.

Well, what now?


	17. Blood

**Creek.**

**Blood.**

**So, I forgot to consider the cultural gap. You see, in the US these things happen. I didn't do this to be gross or sadistic. It's about two people who love each other who decide to not conform to a hick town. They get hurt and even worse, but they made a decison to stand up for what they loved, each other.**

**:) Thank you.**

* * *

There were a lot of other things I wanted out of this world. I wasn't asking for much. I was like every other kid on the face of the planet. I was normal and boring, but this town was crazy and dangerous in its own way...

I had one thing that kept me sane and that was Tweek. He had me and I had him. It was supposed to be our secret.

Tweek filled me up with so many emotions. Feelings I never even thought existed. He showed me how to smile while I showed him how to stay calm. We taught each other many lessons in life and we only seemed to grow with each other.

I honestly loved him.

Why couldn't have I told him that? But, I think he already knew...

We tried to keep our secret from this backwater town. We showed our love in shadows. Kisses and gentle caresses were hidden from the eyes. But things can't be hidden forever, a secret is shared between two people, anymore and well...

Things here spread fast.

It was only a matter of time until something like this happened.

It started with my home room desk, people wrote slurs in black ink. At first, I didn't mind... but then it spread into my locker. All kinds of notes waited for me on the inside. Most of the notes told me and Tweek to go die. Others told us how disgusting we were and more even threatened to kill us.

Tweek never got a single note, so, I kept the whole thing from him. I just didn't want Tweek hurt. I should have taken it seriously. I should have said something but Tweek's smile, I didn't want to see that go away.

Things quickly escalated from subtle hints. It was confrontational with most of the guys at school every day, hell, I knew a guy that was at bi that joined in the brawls. I don't blame Kenny either. If he didn't fight, he would look odd and this might happen to him.

But that doesn't mean I forgive him.

Tweek refused to fight so naturally, he was bruised and beaten. I took it upon myself to stay by his side. When they did fight us, I made sure I got hurt worse than Tweek. I protected him because I felt like he needed to be protected. And, I think it was true up until a point. I would spit out a gob of blood and tell him, "It's going to be okay, Tweek." And he would smile up at me.

Things weren't easy in this hick town.

So, when Tweek defended me in this situation, I was almost horrified. I wanted to say something but when my mouth opened, nothing came out. Not even a sound. He knew what these men were going to do to him, he knew he wasn't going to be just beaten around either.

It started with the whistling and jeering, then groping and slurs. They kept touching him and calling him all sorts of things. I wanted to kill them but I couldn't even move. I couldn't protect him. I was beaten pretty bad. Against at least seven full grown men, I was near beaten to death. That's when Tweek came in...

Tweek held perfectly still with his back to me, holding his arms out. A few more men approached, yanking him away from me.

They reeked of alcohol. These were older men from in town, some of them I knew and others I wasn't so sure. It was too dark to tell.

We were just walking home from Stark's pond when it happened. They jumped us and threw us in the back of a truck bed. Then somehow we ended in the middle of this field.

I tried desperately to get to my feet but the men made sure I wouldn't try anything.

One of the men hissed in my ear. "Even try to run and we'll kill that little girlfriend of yours."

I kept panting and gasping for air. I couldn't breathe. I felt a calloused hand grab my cheeks, craning my neck towards Tweek. Whatever they were planning, they wanted me to watch it unfold.

Tweek looked back towards me, a loving smile spreading across his lips. "It's going to be okay, Craig."

I noticed the rope and the truck.

I knew what was going to happen. I thrashed wildly, almost desperately. I wanted to stop it, I wanted Tweek to be okay. I wanted to believe it was going to be okay.

A man pushed him forcefully. I could hear the air that escaped his lungs as he hit the ground. His leg was tied with the rope connected to the end to the hitch.

I struggled again, trying to get out of the other men's grasp. I was cursing and yelling at the top of my lungs. I even begged and pleaded with them. I was twisting all around until a man behind me grabbed a fist full of my hair, yanking my face towards the sight in front of me.

I wasn't going to watch this happen... I wasn't. I shut my eyes tightly. I wanted to believe it was going to be okay.

The hoot and hollering made me open my eyes. The truck's engine revved, the tires spinning, spewing dirt at Tweek. One of the men gave the signal as the truck took off.

...

Things weren't easy in this hick town.

They threw the boy to me like he was some sort of dog toy, all chewed up and spit out. My eyes ran over Tweek's mangled body. At first I just sat there, looking at his lifeless corpse. I didn't know what to do. I was distraught.

I could feel a sob in my throat as I swallowed it down.

I needed to feel his touch, even if was only for a moment. I reached out for his hand, holding it tightly. He was still warm. He was beyond dead but he was still warm to the touch.

That was it. It was enough to break me.

The men ripped me to my feet. I complied with them, I knew my fate and I didn't even try to struggle. I peered down at the red on my fingertips. Tweek's blood was on my hands. Literally and figuratively, smeared all over my palms.

I didn't even care when they started to tie the rope from my leg to the truck.

...Because it's going to be okay, right?


	18. Rainbow

**Kammy.**

**I love Tammy's relationship with Kenny. It's almost motherly in a strange way.**

**She's 20-21 and he's 17ish later on.**

**And guess what! It's not dark! :D A little gritty, but not dark. Definitely not fluff but pretty damn close.**

* * *

People come in all varieties of personalities and all sorts of flavors and colors.

Tammy was one of those people who had so many colors and flavors, it was impossible to tell what she was thinking.

I can recall when I first met Tammy Warner. She was over at my house with my brother, Kevin. It was the first day of summer and I would soon start my first year in high school and she would start her last year in high school.

She was wearing those shorts with that top. Man, oh man, it was nearly see through. I could see her lace black bra peeking out underneath. I kept praying that thing would just snap off. My brother didn't deserve her at all. She had all the right kind of meat in the right spots. She was crafted for just for me.

All summer she would come over to my house with Kevin. I couldn't stand their constant smooching on the couch. I remember getting pissed and using any anything to make Kevin's life a living nightmare. I put a whole box of laxatives in his drink... He was sick for a whole week. Ha, that's what he gets.

While he was stuck in the bathroom, Tammy and I started talking. We had so much in common, it was pretty cool. I remember her telling me, "your voice is so squeaky! I love it!", I about died right there.

I was known for my, erm... higher pitched voice. Puberty was coming soon, it was on its way at least I was hoping anyways.

Man, she taught me everything. She taught me the difference between a man and a boy at a young age. She told me how to treat women right. Life, love and nearly everything, she was full of information. Tammy took me under her wing.

Another thing I noticed was her parents being absent.

Her parents were never home and when she moved out to that apartment of her's, it was always was quiet. Tammy really didn't talk to many people, she was usually by herself. For a while there I thought she liked being alone. She doesn't.

She has an intense fear of being alone.

So, I took it upon myself to stay around her. We were always close friends, crashing on the couch watching TV in the summer time. We'd take anything for a high and drink anything that would give us a buzz.

I think we tried anything together because we had nothing to lose.

I used to basically live at her house in the summer. I was sleeping there and making dinner for her, hell, Karen would stay too. I knew Karen would be safe with Tammy. Seeing those two bond was pretty cute.

Then the next thing I knew, Tammy dropped out of college.

For a while, I didn't know how Tammy even stayed in that apartment. She didn't have a job or an education and her parents cut off any money. But, she had beer and a cupboard full of food. I didn't understand it.

Until one night.

I saw her on the streets one while I was walking home from a party with my tight nit of friends. I made eye contact with her. It was intense too. The type that can speak so many words but never vocalize a single sound.

Her eyes were hollow and somehow uncaring.

She slipped into a car, flicking her cigarette into the street.

She had no skills or talents or worth. That was her job. I had no room to talk either. I had no concept of love or decency. I was talking girls into bed with no desire to date them or even be around them the next day. But, there was one girl I could never get, Tammy. She was unobtainable. It was forbidden and addicting. I wanted her in so many ways. I felt deeply about her. And it wasn't some kind of crush or anything.

There was something about Tammy that made her stand out.

One day, something just rubbed me the wrong way about that whole situation. I kept thinkin' about her while I was laying in my bed. I kept tossing and turning. I kept thinking of her doing terrible things for money. Things she didn't want to do or her getting hurt just for a few bills.

The next thing I knew I was running, I kept running on impulse. I was at her corner in no time.

I saw Tammy leaning against a building, kicking a pebble with her heel. Those spiky shoes that made her even taller than me. She looked over to me, leering.

I huffed and puffed, grabbing my knees. I tried to say something but it came out as a pant. She pulled out her compact mirror, puckering out her lips. "What are you doing out her Ken? It's getting late."

"Ta-Tam, you shouldn't be doing this." I regained my breath.

She closed her compact, sinking against the wall again. "Just what are you trying to be Ken? A knight in shining armor or maybe Mysterion?" she grinned. "Your still a kid you know."

"I'll be your guardian angel. You need someone looking after you, let me take care of you. I can- can get a job and I'll make sure you have money. Then you don't have to do this anymore."

Tammy let out a sigh, walking away from me down the expanse of sidewalk. "Liar, you're Karen's guardian angel, Mr. Mysterion. She needs you much more than I do." Tammy rubbed her arms in an attempt to get warm.

"Tam," I followed behind her close. "Come on, just go home already."

"I need the money."

I grabbed her wrist, pulling her to me. "...Do you enjoy this? I just said I could help. Tam, please."

"You don't understand Ken and you just won't, okay? You have your little girlfriends while I have my clients. It's basically the same thing but you're not getting paid."

I felt my grasp on her fade. She lit a cigarette, wiping her nose as she sniffed again. The air still chilly.

"In this town I know everyone who frequents and all their kinks, heck Ken, there's no pimps to stick you with drugs or any of that stuff that happens in the city. Just me and my business. It's who I chose to pick me up. I get to pick the cream of the crop."

She sucked down the cigarette until all was left was ash. She was known to chain-smoke anymore. I watched her as she died the cigarette on the building beside her, she turned to me, grabbing my shoulders. I felt myself inwardly grimace. She towered over me.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm good for something... like I'm empowered and beautiful. I make people feel good and I feel good while doing it." she rubbed my cheek, feeling her fake acrylic nail scratch my face lightly. "It's complicated, Ken."

I avoided her eyes, glaring at the cracks in the sidewalk. "So your just another whore then?"

Tammy leaned in, placing a kiss on my forehead. "Your too young to understand, Ken. And in a way," she tightened her grasp on me as I looked up to her pain stricken face. "I never want you to understand that. You never want to know how lonely it can be."

"Tam, I didn't mean tha-"

"Ken, I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I've made." She sniffed, letting out a nervous giggle. "I know I'm a whore and that's all I'm good for."

I leaned up to her, hugging her close. Tammy was fragile anymore, I kicked myself for saying something like that. I rubbed her back soothingly.

A car rolled up near the corner. I noticed the man inside. Thomas Tucker. _Craig's fucking dad_. Tammy wiped her eyes quick and just like that, she looked like the same old happy Tammy. She let out an obviously fake giggle, leaning into the passenger window. "Hey, Mr. tucker~! What are you doing here so early?"

"Just missed you, I guess." he grunted.

"Aren't you swee-" Tammy let out a little whimper peering over at me. "...I'm off the clock right now. Sorry."

"What? Why?" He seemed flabbergasted.

She flicked her wrist at him. He let out a curse as he sped off into the night.

She kept wiping her eyes. Tammy slipped out of her heels, leaning into me. "Do me a favor sweetie and carry me home? My feet are killin' me." I let out a sigh, heaving her into my arms bridal style. She snuggled into my side, hiding her face from me. When we got to her apartment, I slipped her down on her bed. I turned ready to make my way right out of here. Tammy could be so stubborn and today she was rubbing me the wrong way.

She pouted. "Stay with me tonight?"

"My parents don't like me staying the night with an older woman." I lied. I just wanted to leave.

She grabbed my arm close, crawling closer to me. "Ken, you're a young adult. Just stay with me 'til I fall asleep then? I don't like sleeping alone."

This I knew was true. She had a fear of being alone. I looked at her pink bottom lip sticking out and those boobs- I mean, uh... eyes. Damn you hormones. I nodded, slipping next to her as she cuddled me close. Tammy let out a content sigh.

Something was bothering me, something that was always in the back of my mind. When Tammy held me close I always thought of being one of her John's. Just another face. Another tool for her to use.

"Am I just another 'client' to you?" I asked, I almost didn't want to know the answer.

"No, you're too close to me to be anything dirty like that. Besides," she cupped my cheeks like so many times before. "We share a deep intimacy."

"Intimacy?

She smiled warmly. "Sex can be... exaggerated. Intimacy is sacred to me at least."

I scratched my head. Uhhh... "I don't get it."

"I have sex all the time as a job. Cuddling and just being close can be more romantic and sensual." she kissed my head like always. "I think it's important for you to understand that after hearing about your escapades."

"Escapades?"

"Pretty much every other girl the whole high school has been terrorized by you. You're such a heart breaker." she teased. "Can't be too careful or do I have to buy you more condoms?"

I glared up at her, crossing my arms. "I just asked you once and now you make a big deal of it." I huffed. "Remind me not to do that again."

I felt her arms cradle around me tighter. I loosened up, nuzzling myself into the crook of her neck. I swallowed roughly, unable to see her face when I spoke the truth. "Tammy, I can hate you for what you do. Sometimes your even disgusting..."

She let out a hum in agreement.

"You've always been there for me when I needed you. You're like, my best friend you know? And I've always kind of liked you."

She dragged me down into her chest. Tammy combed through my choppy blonde locks. I could hear the thumps of her heart against my ear. Her skin was soft and warm to the touch.

"Ken, you can always stay with me. I'll take care of you, I'll take Karen in too. I don't care. We could be one big family or something."

I leaned up on my elbows, looking down at her warm inviting eyes. "But, you'll never quit the corner... will you?"

"This is my lively hood, until that day I'll be stable, I can't stop."

I stared into her eyes, lost in those chocolate orbs. "...I think I'm in love with you." I blurted out.

"I know you are," she stretched out with a yawn. "Go to sleep okay?"

"Wait, I thought you liked me-"

"Ken, your still just a kid." She beamed at me. "Enjoy your life. You have plenty of time to settle down." I could smell that sweet fake cotton candy perfume on her skin. How I wanted to kiss those lips of hers. I wanted nothing more than to be with her.

"I do love you Ken, you know how to treat a woman. Maybe you should enjoy being a kid longer?" I covered myself in her blankets up close. I could feel her massage my back, cradling me close. "Maybe one day, when you're a little older... We could be together, if you still like me anyways. But now, I just can't do that."

And when she said that, it didn't hurt. I didn't feel a pain in my chest or some sort of heartbreak. "I guess, I have something to look forward to. Then, you don't have to... do _that _and Karen will have somewhere to go. I'll take care of you. We'll be the happy family we've always wanted."

I heard a little laugh get caught in her throat. "Good night Kenny." She reached out her arm, turning off the bedside lamp. We buried ourselves under the covers. I shut my eyes, looking forward to tomorrow.

I made a promise to myself. I would stay by Tammy's side and protect her. Or maybe, it was the other way around...But I wouldn't let Tammy suffer either.

Tammy was one of those people who had so many colors and flavors, it was impossible to tell what she was thinking.

All those summer vacations I spent in her arms, cradled in her safety and warmth, were the best years of my life. And Tammy would always be my friend, no, maybe not a friend...

We shared something much more beautiful than that. A kind of intimacy I never shared with anyone else.


	19. Gray

**Kammy.**

**I might write more of this... maybe.**

**OC is an unnamed child of Tammy and Kenny's. He has no speaking parts. He is referred to as 'tyke' or 'little Kenny'. It's basically Kenny but a kid... *rolls eyes***

**Oh, I chose an owl because it's an omen for death.**

**H.P. Lovecraft owns Cthulhu and all that nice stuff. So, the quotes in italics (referenced in South Park) are straight from his works. That is his. Not taking any credit in that.**

**If you haven't read his stuff, read it. The Coon episodes were a hundred percent more awesome because most of the stuff was right out of H.P. Lovecraft's, 'Call of Cthulhu'.**

* * *

_'That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons even death may die.'_

The game of life is very strange indeed. Never a simple black and white either. I prefer to use the term, 'grey-ish muck'. I enjoy watching humans more than anything almost as much as then their own assimilation.

South Park is where I was abandoned for the first time as a child. Father left me all alone in this strange dimension. I remember seeing this world through my young eyes. It was draught with pain and sinful ways. It was a festering sore on which I walked.

There were no such things as childhood innocence.

I have many various names but I prefer Damien Thorne. None of that dark prince nonsense. I reside in the seventh layer of hell with my father and only on rare occasions do I come here to earth.

Today was one such occasion.

This day, I felt particularly omen-like. What better than the ominous owl? Sometimes my features and curled horns can frighten most. You see, large horns protruding from ones skull can be disturbing. I prefer incognito of a creature then a human.

And I love watching behavior of humans. I like to mole around them. It's almost reminiscent of a life I never had. Oh, how heartbreaking. But seeing humans and how vile they were however, made me enjoy the darkest dank's of hell.

My wings flapped as I was ready to drop a note on this little shack's doorstep. Ah, the manipulation of mortals is even more satisfying than watching them stumble around bewildered.

This is the best part.

My eyes flickered to the window, and being the ever so curious half jackal boy I was, I peered inside. A boy around nineteen was sprawled out on the couch.

This was 'Kenny' McCormick. Lazy and corrupt by perversion... among other things.

Kenneth is a father and he wishes not to take care of his son. He abandoned Tammy when she learned of her pregnancy. Although animals do this in the wild as well. An urge to procreate... blah, blah and all that nonsense.

Tammy has taken it rather hard, not to mention the sticky situation she has placed herself into. Twas better to have not loved at all, especially, to a blockhead such as himself.

Well, not like I blame her. Kenny is another being from another dimension after all.

The envelope in my beak fell onto his doormat.

I let myself take off into the sky, sailing down to another shack not too far away.

This is no house-visit to earth. I was sent here on an important mission. I needed to eliminate something that was a growing threat. I needed to preserve the balance of demi-gods, demons and anything that could send the universe into oblivion.

Paradox were very unstable in this dimension called earth. If anything contradicted itself too much it could bring existence of this place crumbling down. I tend not to meddle for that very reason.

Things were becoming unstable. Father was nervous and even the heavenly court needed something to intervene this madness. Of course, angels do not commit crimes.

I am the one to make things right.

Me? Why me?

A paradox stood in the way of the destruction of this universe and I would be its savior?

I fluttered to the front door. Wings turned to arms and feathers into leathery like skin. The beak turned into lips with sharp incisors inside. My ram like horns returned.

I blew away some feather on my shoulders. Shape shifting can be rather fun.

I knocked on the door politely. A brunette opened the door. She looked rather drained. Ah, such a wonderfully beautiful mortal, Tammy. So young. Her soul would taste so delectable.

I peered down to her swollen belly.

"Damien, come in." She sat me down at the kitchen table. Black tea waited for me like I instructed. Pip back in hell hates black tea. I force him to drink the blackest of tea by the belly full as punishment. Trite but still fun to watch a mortal in disgust.

"Ah, you are pregnant. Congratulations. Where is little Kenneth?"

"That's why I called you." Tammy held her cup but she never took a sip. She just jittered. "I don't understand what's happening to me and... my baby."

"Elaborate." I swirled the black liquid before slurping it down. "Is it the fact that your child is dead or is it the constant rebirth?"

"He keeps dying and dying. He's only a pre-schooler. At first I thought it was a hallucination or something. A walking night mare but it-"

"Demi-gods sleeping in people's wombs is not a common ordinance. Birthing a child from another dimension is fairly odd, yes?"

She gaped at me in total distress. I sneered, my sharp yellow incisors gleaming.

"Ow." Tammy yipped, grimacing. She held her abdomen painfully.

I could feel energy that was emanating from it in waves. It was nothing like I've seen. Kenny doesn't even possess power anywhere close to it. It was nearly fully grown and from what I'm guess, it's only been a day.

It was highly unnatural.

"What do I do? I can't sit by and watch my kid die over and over again. Nobody remembers and I..." she held her face in near hysterics. "I'm not crazy. Will this ever stop?"

"No matter how many times he dies... He comes back only to sleep in your womb. A new egg, a new vessel and a new life. He's birthed and then grows back into that loving preschooler you've come to love."

"I-I want it to stop." she croaked out.

"I see, well for ever situation there is a loophole. A proper insight can solve even the simplest of problems."

"What are you saying?"

"Oh nothing my dear. Don't you worry that pretty little head of yours. Tsk, tsk... Sleeping with gods from other dimensions is rather dangerous. Haven't you ever heard of Zeus' father?"

"What?" she seemed utterly confused. How cute.

"Zeus' father Cronus killed all of his children because of a tradition. The children would grow up to kill him, it was a cycle you see? He feared his children's power. So, he ate them as soon as his wife birthed them. Slurped up like some kind of exquisite dish." I made slurping noises with my mouth.

Tammy shifted in her chair uncomfortably. "What does that have to do with me?"

"Do you fear his power? Would you be able to commit a heinous crime like Cronus? Stop a cycle indefinitely?"

I stand corrected, _this_ was my favorite part. I opened my hands as a paper appeared from red flames. "If you want everything, you must be willing to risk everything."

Tammy took the contract in her hands.

My, my... they always say to study legal forms with a lawyer. She skimmed over it so fast, she was practically sign her name to my father. That was almost two weeks ago. It was as it never even happened.

Another day in earth.

I fluttered, landing on a branch. I hooted rather loudly at Kenny who held the note I wrote in his hands. He started up to Tammy's door.

Perfect. Everything is going according to plan.

I was seated on a branch in a tree watching it unfold.

Little Kenny cracked open the door, staring up at his father for the first time in his life. Ah, this was the tyke my father and the heavens discussed about. It's fairly innocent looking and defenseless.

"Uhh, whoa there little tyke. Where's your mom?" Kenny knelt down to the little mortal. The tyke didn't even open his mouth, he just stared at him. They looked identical. He was silent like his father when he was his age but something was off... he seemed emotionless.

Tammy appeared in the doorway.

They stared at each other with open mouths before embracing each other in a tight hug. I could hear her pitiful sobs, something along the lines of: 'Why did you leave me all alone? I was pregnant and I was so scared.'

I noticed the little tyke disappear into the kitchen. I flew up high before darting down on the other side of the house. I knew that little love letter would bring them together. A perfect distraction.

Now I need the boy.

I flew inside the little window that Tammy always left open, seeing little Kenny in the fridge. He held up a pop tart and a glass of water. I took human form, stretching myself out. I grinned at the shocked boy. I bent down evilly. "Hello little one."

The boy's glance went from shaken to a scowl.

"Are you ready to start your new journey?" I grasped his arm. "Hmm, not the one for words I see. No matter, come now."

The little tyke glowered even more, ripping himself away from me. He was fast on his feet, leading into the living room. I tried to hook my arms around him but he was simply too fast. I should have taken him back to hell when I had the chance.

I peered in the living room to see him hiding behind Tammy.

"Damien, what are you doing here?!" Kenny pushed the two behind him. The two are in love now? Talk about confused mortals. They made up rather quickly.

"A reaping of souls and one more still beckons." I snarled. "A fort night and one soul still beckons."

Kenny craned his neck to Tammy, nearly screaming. "What did you agree to?!"

"A fort night and one soul still beckons to come back to hell. You agreed. A mother and a son. A mother and a son's soul."

"What did she agree to?" Kenny looked at me with a horrified expression.

"She didn't read the fine print. Only killing the mother would there would be a guarantee that his soul would never escape hell. A contract is a contract after all. I uphold my agreements. For little Kenny to not exist I need her soul as well."

Kenny let out a low growl, whipping his head to Tammy. "What? You were trying to kill my son?!"

"No, that isn't what I agreed to!" Tammy panicked, holding the little tyke close. She had a look of pure terror. And the tyke's expression was blank as ever.

"Behold, I am the arbitrator of judgment." I could feel my hands start to burn with the flames from hell. I remembered my lines quite well. "Please, let me liberate you from this pitiful existence."

My mouth was watering. Fresh souls.

Kenny begged. "Just take me instead then." He looked so broken and so hopeless. That mutt god was always smiling. It was nice to see him in agony.

"Becoming amorous over a fake love letter? How stupid of you." I felt myself grin even more. "Very well then, another paradox solved and another soul in my bel-"

The next thing I knew it felt like every bone in my body was being snapped in two. White hot pain course through my veins right to my head. I was being ripped through a portal of some kind.

The pain left and I ended up on the soggy ground.

My eyes opened.

I was in a strange place. Monuments and creatures of all sorts were everywhere. Nothing seemed like it did on earth. This place was straight out of someone's demented wonderland.

It was like my very body was teleported. The air here was dense with an incredible feeling of energies. I've never felt something so ungodly powerful.

In fact, I was teleported here. But, by who? Kenny can't do that...

There was no kitchen or living room of some shack. This dimension was not normal.

Sunken city of R'lyeh. I've heard about it from the Necronomicon. Only thought it existed in fairy tales. Deep under the waters currents, this city actually existed. I remember being young and hearing my father talking about the worshippers of this place. Repeating over and over jibberish. It meant loosely, _'In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.'_

I heard someone sloshing in mud. I whipped my head to the sound and I saw him. A little blonde boy standing in front of me. Still ever so silent.

I growled, gnashing my teeth angrily. "You misbegotten creature. Why won't you stay dead?" I could feel the fire in my eyes as I said it.

A large creature roared, crawling from inside of a stone cavern. Tentacles and... indescribable horror. Cthulhu.

The boy stared at me with an intensity.

As the creature stirred, making its way closer to us. I could feel fear. In the first time in my existence I feel fear. If I was killed by another immortal, I would stay dead.

And the balance between earth and it's ties would collapse. I needed to stay alive. It was my destiny to be killed by an angel. If I died now, existence back on earth would...

The boy glowered at me as Cthulhu hovered over him, like it was some kind of pet.

I felt myself being thrown back onto earth, I landed outside the window, somehow shape shifted into my owl form. I spitted across the ground. My body was aching and I was tired. Like, I woke up from a horrible dream.

I rocked myself upright, looking into the window.

Tammy and Kenny were hugging that little bastard. The tyke looked glanced towards the window, flashing a dark smile to me. I felt the air get caught in my throat. He was testing me. That child...

_'That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons even death may die.'_

Highly unnatural.

I took off from the branch, reaching into the darkest crevasses in hell. Looks like this was something out of my hands.

I must tell father.


	20. Fortitude

**Prison in my country is very unstable and unsupervised. From what I've seen and heard it's not that much of a good place.**

**A hint of Thomas/Tweek and lots of Tweek/Craig.**

**The last story was a dud in my opinion so, I hope I changed that. Cute fuzz at the end, you gotta work fo dat shit tho. :D**

* * *

We _are_ the same person.

My carbon copy.

The colors of our personalities reminded me of ying and yang. I was white, he was black. We spin continuously. There is harmony between us that is almost everlasting. Thomas and I were two sides of the same coin.

Different but too similar.

Ying and yang...

Spinning, tumbling and spiraling.

Complete in harmony.

Spiraling, whirling before tossing out of control.

Winter melts into spring as another year begins. The pollen drifting on the wind made my sinuses pop. I was known for spontaneous nosebleeds. It seemed like whenever I was starting to enjoy life my nose would burst with the warm red fluid.

Between nosebleeds and crackling sinuses there was Thomas. He had allergies. It fueled his Tourette's, making him nearly scream obscenities whilst sneezing.

So, you have someone twitching and bleeding from their nose and another guy who was in a cursing fit and sneezing.

Yup, we are the perfect combination.

At least...

"Ice cream, your super sweet and yummy. Will you -SHIT- marry me?"Thomas said in a sing-song voice.

...I thought...

I narrowed my eyes at Thomas, he was flirting with his ice cream cone. Odd, I know. "Tom?"

...He'd be there forever...

"Shush!" he hushed the ice cream, pressing his digit into the already melting syrup. "Tell me later when I'm not with my boyfriend!"

I huffed seeing Thomas _kissing_ the ice cream. He was getting to second base with all that snogging and licking.

"Are you slipping your ice cream tongue on the first date? You whore." I chuckled loudly, I crawling towards him. He wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me to his chocolate covered lips. I don't think he cared as his cone rolled into the grass.

My carbon copy. My shadow. Someone who complemented me.

But, it wasn't perfect. He's not here anymore. Now I'm all alone.

That was almost three springs ago. I wonder if he even remember me... because I remember him.

When I opened my eyes, I wanted to be welcomed by the bright morning light and Thomas. I wanted to be back there in Spring, eating ice cream by Stark's pond.

But, that would never happen.

I sprung up from my cot in a sweaty mess as I looked all around. My expectations are dashed right in front of me.

God, I wish I could just leave and find him again. He disappeared one day and never came back. The people here told me that the worst was over. The battle had been fought and now I needed to heal. But, I know that was a lie.

Things won't be the same. Things won't be fine. Things won't be okay.

Craig always told me to get some intestinal fortitude. I can't. I can't be brave. I need something to keep me turning. I need Thomas to keep me in harmony.

He's black and I'm white. To keep the circle spinning I need his half. I'm spiraling out of control.

The grey walls feel like they're shifting in closer to me. I want to vomit but I swallow it. In this cement tomb there are only the necessities. A toilet, a sink, a bunk bed and a window. The window was tiny and the view was a grey, empty parking lot.

I forgot what season it was.

I swung my legs onto the cold cement floor. Sweat coated my body in a sleek sheet. I felt another chill shake my bones. I sniff a little, feeling my sinus pop.

I stink. I desperately need a shower but I won't take them.

I heard a knock on the wall as a familiar boy stepped inside, ripping me out of my thoughts. His green jumpsuit tied around his waist and his clean white wife beater was visible. "Tweekster, it's five. You missed breakfast."

"Craig, why didn't you wake me up?"

He shrugged. "I covered for you this morning. No thanks needed." Craig sauntered inside, his arms draped over his top bunk, peering down me. "How's my stuff coming?"

I got to my feet, peeking my head out of the cell. I knelt down to the sink, twisting a tiny pipe that connected with the wall. I watched as random items fell to the floor. A rotten fruit, candy, gum, cigarettes, a razor... even a sharpened tooth-brush.

I don't really know why he wants all this stuff. I just keep collecting it for him, like a bee-worker and he is the queen. I'll obey him for survival. I need a 'friend' right now.

He stooped down, grasping a few things before shoving them in his pocket. "Thanks. You need another blanket?"

"Craig, stop paying for my stuff."

He was silent, giving me a look I couldn't read. I started to grind my teeth. It was one of my habits. I picked it up right after I got here in this place.

"Tweek, look," He yanked the sheet on my bed towards me. "One flimsy, scratchy sheet? I'll buy you at least two and a pillow. You need it."

You see, Craig wasn't really a friend. This wasn't exactly an act of kindness. I scratch his back, he'll scratch mine. And with that, he treats me well. Stuff is power. Power is protection. When things that had no worth has worth, objects are a keys to survival.

I steal.

Stealing, however, gets people killed. There has been plenty of times someone has been murdered on this block.

Stealing is the ultimate offense. I saw a man get attacked by five men once. When the guards came, he was already stabbed ten times and stripped of his belongings.

I'm not made for this place.

Craig helps me if he sees worth in me. He's a snake in the grass too. But, I want a snake near me, even if it's for a little while. He's stronger than me in more ways than one.

I put the pipe back in. We began ambling down to the recreational area. He was relatively quiet with his hands in his pockets. I grabbed his arm close. I liked him near. The closer he was... the better I felt.

I have no intestinal fortitude.

His eyes flickered to mine as he smiled warmly. I felt him press his dry lips to my forehead.

I didn't know what to do so I just averted my eyes. Sometimes, he made my stomach feel all weird. Warm and empty and... It tumbled and whirled and flipped. Spinning out control.

I just didn't understand it.

"What are you going to do with that stuff?" I asked, trying to break the silence.

"Nothing."

"Don't trade these for drugs again. I can't handle getting raided."

Craig rustled my hair. "I won't put you through that again."

"Yeah? Well, I don't want to get transferred with a pervert either." I rolled my eyes as we made our way past the layers and layers of cells.

I reflect to the time our cell was searched. I remember them ripping open the mattress and confiscating anything and everything, including my journal. Craig had a few bits of drugs hidden in the hole of his mattress and they wanted my blood first.

The guards made me strip down. They searched me right there in my cell in front of Craig and anyone that happened to walk past. It was one of the most humiliating and disgusting things that's ever happened to me.

They didn't even search Craig, like he was high and mighty or something.

The guards could be ruthless. Some are cold on the outside but soft on the inside. I've never seen that inside.

"That's why we're buddies right?" Craig tugged me close again. "I'll watch your back if you watch mine. Besides, you're just too nice, you know?"

"M-me?"

"Yeah, you need someone to protect you. Your lacking that intestinal fortitude we talked about." He let out another laugh, breaking away from me before jogging down the stairs to the rec room.

...The rec room scared me.

Everything was considered a weapon and was taken away. Anything fun was banned on the spot.

There was a TV though. We were forced to watch "gentle for the eyes" bullshit. There were no ties to the outside world. Sometimes I think this is the only place existed in the world, just this cement box.

I looked all around like it was my first year in high school and it was lunch. Where do I sit? Each table housed a faction of some kind. I didn't belong anywhere.

I hated the rec room.

On the other hand, everyone went to Craig for some reason. He was good with his words like a typical snake. He could sit at every table and actually laugh and smile. Craig was very strange.

I'm not sure but sometimes I want to trust Craig. He almost reminds me of Thomas. Craig was so brave. He was the man I wanted to be. Maybe I'm strange but Craig is my only friend... or whatever he is. I need someone now.

I sat at an empty table closest to the security desk. Craig's hand landed on my shoulder. "I gotta do business, wait here okay?"

I nodded, propping myself on my elbow.

I watched as Craig went from table to table, back and forth. I wonder what he was doing. I hoped to god he wasn't going to get more drugs.

I felt someone grab my shoulder. I jumped up, seeing Kenny. Kenny was your average inmate. Tall, pale and usually happy. Not today. Something pissed him off as his happy expression was replaced with furrowed eyebrows.

"You. You took my fruit last week." he spat.

"Huh? Why would I do something like that?"

I saw Trent Boyett approach from behind him. Kenny slid on one side of me while Trent was on the other. Nothing good could come of this that's for sure. I started to grind my teeth.

"My fruit. I saw you take it off my plate." Kenny seethed.

My eyes frantically searched for Craig in the sea of people in jumpsuits. Craig, Craig... Where is he?! I started to stutter like crazy. I was grinding my teeth and clenching my fists. Intestinal fortitude... I needed it now.

I could feel something sharp dig into my side as Kenny's lips reached the curve of my ear. "You owe me." He said rather huskily.

I yipped feeling something dig through my jumpsuit, right into my side. My eyes darted down to see a handmade shiv. Oh fuck.

"Ke-Ken-" I started to squirm as it dug antagonizing slow, cutting right through the fabric and into my skin. "KENNY!"

"Oh, hush-hush." Kenny smiled wickedly. "Pigs sure do like to squeal."

Kenny and Trent snickered among themselves. I wasn't. This blade was cutting into my skin. One wrong move and he'd pierce through my side to my kidney... then what? I'd be another stabbing victim.

"Tweekster!" Craig had come into view, jogging over to the table like an excited child. "Kenny? What are you doing to Tweek?"

"Nothin', just pinching his side," he turned to me. "Right Tweek?"

I could feel the blade rub into the raw spot. I let out another whimper trying to mask the pain on my face. "Yeah, j-just pinching." They both laughed again.

"Tweek here is so sweet."

Craig smiled, slipping into the table across from me. "I know he is. He doesn't belong here at all."

"That's for sure." Trent drawled slipping out of the table with Kenny.

"Dude your leaving?" Craig seemed almost disappointed. "Come and sit with us."

"Ah, dude I gotta go." Kenny grinned crookedly, starting towards another table. "Later."

I felt my side. No blood but my jumpsuit was ripped. It hurt and... it was scary. I've never be se scared in my whole life. I thought I was going to get stabbed. Too much pressure.

Craig broke the silence."Look!" He slipped out the twenty-dollar bill under the table so I could see it. That was a lot of money here. He kissed it, stretching it out in front of him before pocketing it.

That was worth something. It could buy a pillow or more blankets hell, even candy, nice food, cigarettes and more clothes.

"That's great Craig." I smiled sincerely at him, holding my aching side. "Can we go back to our cell now?"

"Why? Is something wrong?"

I noticed Kenny and Trent... Everyone's faces. Eyes looking at me. Eyes... "I don't feel safe here." I got up abruptly starting towards the stairs. I needed to leave here. I was on the verge of a panic attack.

"Tweek?" he was too close on my heels for comfort.

I pushed him away, trying to get to the stairs. I could see a few guards from the corner of my eyes approach. "I need to go. I can't breathe!"

"You need to act right man, you're going to get us killed." he hissed.

"I-I didn't mean..." I ground my teeth, tugging at my hair. New habits are bad.

Some habits never die.

I noticed all the funny looks we started to get. A man let out a hoot, "nice bitch". I shrunk up at the mere word. I wasn't anyone's pet... am I? It was getting to be too much.

When the day was over, I was glad.

I remember the next day, scurrying into the mess hall and putting on that stupid hairnet. My job was to serve breakfast for an allowance. A quarter or so, but money was money.

While serving food, I was taking anything of value into my suit. I make a good thief. Serving inmates was easy. Put a bunch of food in a container and pass it out. It was monotonous but not too much pressure.

I slinked to my cell laying things out that Craig wanted.

Craig came in from his shower wearing a fresh new jump suit. He was rubbing his head with a towel. "Tweek why don't you shower? I've never gotten-"

"Shut up, look." I held up the little razor blade. "I got this. It's what you wanted right?"

"Razor blades in apples. Say, why don't we give one to Trent? That guy is a dick."

"You don't mean that right? Jesus Christ, too much pressure."

Craig let out a little laugh, gathering up all the stuff.

"Of course not. Just need some odd ball things to trade. Hey, show me your journal again?" I think he was trying to lead me away from whatever he was planning.

Craig plopped next to me on the cot. I reached under my bed, grabbing the green journal. He took the notebook into his hands, skimming over the pages.

I was silent, biting my nails, letting him read in peace. I laid back next to him. I peered up at his mattress. I could see another hole. My mouth watered at the sight of it.

He had more drugs.

My eyes shifted to Craig. That warm feeling was bubbling up again. I wanted to cuddle into him.

"You're really too sweet." Craig said out of the blue.

"Me?" I said almost confused, pointing to my chest.

"What do you think I'm talking about?" He huffed. "This journal is like... wow, I've never heard anything quite so endearing in my life." He pointed down to a sentence. "Stealing drugs for your boyfriend and ending up _here_. Brave."

I don't like when people talk about me so nicely. It makes me almost mad. I don't do things to impress people. I fumbled with my hands. "He really needed those medications."

"Tweek, you are something else. Looks like you are pretty brave. I guess you got some intestinal fortitude."

"I didn't have much of a choice."

Craig ripped out a piece of paper. I made a noise of protest but he was already folding it into an airplane. He kissed it before he threw it.

"Why do you kiss things all the time?"

"Good luck I suppose."

I let out another sigh as Craig leaned back, kissing the piece of paper, letting it soar from his hands. "You'll leave and you'll be back with him. This sort of stuff happens. You have some time to do but when you leave... It's the best experience."

"What happens?"

"When I got out the first time, Red was waiting for me. Man, I hadn't seen a woman in almost two whole years at that time." He smiled at another airplane. "She was like some beautiful alien. I remember just holding her and smelling her perfume."

My eyes wandered to his wall. Pictures of the outside world and what I think is Red. I wondered if the two are close still. I've never heard of him talk about a girl before. He's usually more quiet then this.

"Everyone in here stinks like shit. There was something about her perfume. I got lost in her smell. It was one of those weird moments that stick with you."

"Sounds nice." I hum to myself.

I felt my chest get tight, like when you eat peanut butter and it sticks to your ribs. I was getting slick with sweat and the chills...

God, make it stop.

"Tweek?" Craig watched as I cuddled myself into the cool brick. "Dude, you really don't look good."

I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. I feel like I'm dying. I need it.

Craig placed a hand on my forehead. "Your burning up."

"Just a little cold." I reassured him.

I couldn't tell him the truth.

"I'll go trade for aspirin or something." He gathered up my objects before slipping out of the cell. Before I even got a word out he was gone.

I laid back into the cot, wiggling out of my jumpsuit half way. I couldn't breathe. God dammit, I'm gonna die. I need it. I need _it_.

I looked up at the hole.

I need it.

I reached up touching the hole. I could feel myself almost lick my lips in anticipation. I was drawn from my thoughts when I heard footsteps. There was no knock on the wall. Wait.

No... that wasn't Craig.

I sat up quickly, peering at the two men in the doorway. Kenny with Trent. "You stole Kenny's shit, now yer gonna get it." he drawled.

Trent and Kenny, god... not a good combination at all. I scurried off the top of my bed, huddling up in the corner. "I thought everything was fine! AGH! Leave me alone!" I put my hands up.

I saw Kenny step right on one of those airplanes Craig made. "I don't care about no damn fruit." Kenny seized my arms, yanking me up to my feet. "You're a pig."

I could see Kenny's sickening grin as Trent came out of nowhere, constricting his shirt around my neck. My face got hot and my throat wouldn't open. I could feel myself start to wiggle and kick. I was pressed into his chest with no way to escape.

I was going to get killed because of a goddamn piece of fruit. Tears and snot were pouring out of me. I just wanted to live. I didn't want to die yet.

Kenny reached into the front of his jumpsuit. I saw the gleam off of the handmade shiv. The thing that cut into my side. I squirmed in fear.

"Now you get yours pig. You squealed."

I noticed Craig's familiar knock on the wall. Yes! YES! Now he can beat the crap outta these guys. Everyone turned to Craig.

He just stood there looking at us."C-Craig!" I gagged in joy.

I saw his horror-struck face. His eyes darted to all of us before he turned away quickly. He left the cell in a panicked run. Craig was... running away?!

"Crai-" I choked, feeling Trent tighten the fabric against my throat.

Why isn't he helping me?! I thought he would protect me. Why is he running away when I needed him most? He said he would help me! He said...

Kenny raised the shiv at an angle. "Sorry Tweek. Thieves are pigs. And the only good pig is a dead one."

I gathered my strength, kicking him right in the crotch, pushing Trent away from me as I hightailed it out of my cell. I was huffing and puffing.

The rec room had the security desk. I just kept running, hearing them behind me shouting and yelling. I jogged down all the stairs.

My face fell. The security desk was EMPTY?! This was ridiculous. I gathered into one of the corners of the rec room.

Cornered like a hog to slaughter.

Intestinal fortitude. I was going to fight back this time. I'm not going to wait for someone to protect me. Nobody has ever stood up for me. Nobody has been there when I needed them.

I was going to do this for me.

Kenny and Trent crept closer and closer, like a lion about to pounce on its prey. I noticed a crowd starting to form as around us. Kenny knocked into me. I lifted my hands, catching his arm with the shiv.

I was going to fight them.

I used my arms and teeth. Clawing and punching anything in my way. I felt myself getting pummeled as Trent and Kenny overpowered me. Two people fighting escalated into the whole rec room getting into riot.

I saw guards coming from the crowd with night sticks and other things to handle the masses. I started to fight harder against Kenny. I needed to prove that I wasn't some frail bee worker or some bitch.

I was strong. I didn't need Craig or Thomas.

A guard approached us, beating us down before shoving handcuffs on us.

Everyone else was escorted into cells but not me. I was led down a hallway to a familiar room. I was pushed inside. I peered up at the drunk-tank pink that stained the walls.

I let out an angry cry, beating on the concrete.

The next few days after spending time in confinement, I was transferred into my old cell.

Everything was still the same. I saw my supposed friend. Craig was huddled on my cot, reading my journal. He didn't even recognize my presence.

My mind was running like crazy. I wanted punch him and another side wanted to run into his arms. "Why didn't you help me?! I thought you said you would help me!" I screamed at him. "Well, say something!"

Craig was silent, glaring at the floor.

"I was almost killed! Don't you care?"

"I just froze. I'm not as strong as you think I am. I'm not tough or anything like that." Craig grasped a pill. "I got the aspirin."

It was a few days after the incident, I didn't need it. I just wanted it. I sat on the cot, snatching the white capsule before swallowing it dry.

Craig's eyes shifted to mine. "I'm sorry. You're too nice of a person to be-"

"Stop saying that. Do you think something that I wrote in some journal is my life? It's not." I snapped my head to him with a glower. "Those drugs that I stole from the pharmacy, they were for me."

"Wait, Tweek, you said Thomas was sick." Craig had a look of bewilderment.

I was at my breaking point. I was so full of rage it just came out of my mouth. I regretted it as soon as it tumbled out.

"Thomas isn't even a real person. It's fucking _fiction_ for a reason. I'm a grade A drug addict. I'm not sick, I'm going through withdrawal. I even steal from you. You ever wonder why you're missing a few things? Yeah, that's me."

I let out a pitiful snicker, hiding my face in my knees.

"There were no times sitting under trees eating ice cream. Thomas ever even existed. Maybe, in my mind he did. I've told so many lies I don't know what the truth is anymore."

I thought Craig would be angry. I thought he'd started arguing back. But...

Craig exhaled noisily. "Looks like we're both liars, huh?"

The next thing I knew, my nose burst with blood. He bent away from me as I held my nose. I yanked my undershirt to the red liquid.

"Well, there's one thing you didn't lie about." he tittered.

I cleaned my nose, sniffing quietly. I felt the cot dip as long arms wrapped around my chest and a face dug into my neck.

We _aren't_ the same person.

My not-so carbon copy.

The colors of our personalities reminded me of ying and yang. I was white, he was black. We spin continuously. There is harmony between us that is almost everlasting.

Ying and Yang...

Spinning, tumbling and spiraling.

Complete in harmony.

Spiraling, whirling before tossing out of control.

I let out a hum. "Can you give me some good luck?" I whispered, turning towards him. He pressed his chapped lips to mine. We fell back into the lumpy cot. I don't think I cared as my notebook scattered into multiple sheets on the concrete floor.

My not-so carbon copy. My not-so shadow. Someone who complemented me.

It wasn't perfect. _He's_ not here anymore, he didn't exist.

But Craig did. He was here and very much alive.

Now, I'm not alone.


	21. Vacation

**Creek.**

**This is so friggen cute. It's like dark chocolate, sugary sweet with that hint of bitterness. Yum!**

**Also, thank you to everyone who favs, comments, follows or even just reads along with the story. This is a fun experience and sharing it with the rest of you is even better! Luv ya! *hugs and kisses***

* * *

That smoke house in Aspen is where this story begins. It was strange and foreign. And from time to time, I like to think back about that small shack in Colorado.

A little too reminiscent? Okay then, I'll get to the story...

I had just turned eighteen. It was a weird time for me because I wasn't exactly, ah, _straight_. Well, I mean since I was a kid I kinda always knew. For a while I just denied it... and denied it, then denied it some more and convinced myself I wanted women just as much as Kenny. But... I ran away from really any girl who wanted a relationship, not so convincing.

Then Rebecca came along.

She was stunning and so much like myself. We would sit around on the phone and talk for hours. We could be comfortable around each other. She had a certain charm around her. It wasn't like a charm that Bebe had or even Wendy... Rebecca's personality was beautifully complex.

We dated for a brief period then going our separate ways. I enjoyed being her friend. We always remained close on a more personal level but I couldn't love her.

No matter how much I wanted to, something stopped me. No warm feelings in my stomach and my head wasn't hazy with thoughts of intimacy. Nothing.

I got close to anyone who let me in, it really never mattered to me if it was a guy or a girl or whatever and I never really noticed either. Loving someone on the other hand...

That was a different story all together.

So, when Token offered to take our little group skiing and snowboarding out in Aspen, I was a little cautious but surprisingly I was actually starting to enjoy myself. The mountains, the ever so expansive trees that touched the skies and the snow that layered the ground... it was beautiful and sort of calming too. My anxiety was known for being off the charts, so a peaceful week out of South Park was just what I needed.

I gazed up at the drifting snowflakes. So pure and innocent. When the light hit them the right way, they glittered like a sea of stars. Purity and innocence never lasts forever.

Nothing lasts forever.

It all dies. Horribly.

I was drawn out of my thoughts. You see, I barely knew how to ski. I had to learn from the ski instructor who kept saying, 'I was going to have a bad time'. Why did he keep saying that?! I wanted to have good time! I had a feeling he jinxed me.

Clyde drifted down the hill with fluid movements like he'd done this before. Token whizzed by me on his snowboard, spraying me with snow. Craig was nowhere to be seen. I'm pretty sure we left him behind, still snapping Polaroid's of the mountain side.

I bellyached, pursuing them down the slope. They wanted to go off-road for Craig's photography portfolio but he wasn't behind us anymore and they wouldn't listen to me.

Jesus H. Christ, all I wanted was a relaxing day out.

"Pizza, French fries. Pi-Pizz-AGH!" I lost my footing, as I spun out of control. I darted out of the way of a pine tree, crashing face first into a snow bank. I rolled over, coughing. I just wanted to relax in the resort and drink coffee, I guess that was asking too much.

"Tweek," My eyes snapped open to that familiar voice. I gazed up at an angel in all blue. The man yanked off his goggles. Craig. "Nice wipeout. You okay?"

"Where were you?" I murmured, holding out my hand.

"Up yo mama's butt." he snatched up my hand and pulled me up. I steadied myself as Craig kept giving me this look. Craig was in general a very hard person to read but goddamn...

"We're not too far away now." Craig wiggled his goggles back over his face. "Just a few more pictures and we'll go back to the resort for some hot coffee. How's that sound?"

I have to tell you about Craig.

He was one of my first male crushes ever. Why the girls fanned over him were about the same reason that I liked him. Craig was disinterested in everyone and everything.

I think he was the direct twin of Stan. They look so similar. Of course Stan didn't have that element of mystery like Craig did or his nasally voice...Craig was very different personality wise, almost cynical but so diverse than anyone I had ever met.

Look at me, all caught up in Craig and I forgot to tell the story!

"Catch me if you can." Craig taunted. He leaned forward on his board and took off. I placed my skis back and forth. "Pizza, French fries..." I garbled under my breath.

Finally, after terrorizing through the trees, we were at this 'super-cool-secret-shack-of-awesomeness' Clyde kept bragging about.

This place was really... not too awesome. It was falling apart. The wood siding was molding and the shingles were blowing off. It was camouflaged in snow.

In other words it was a dump.

I watched as Clyde peered through the 'window' of the hovel. Just like that Token, Craig and Clyde just invited themselves in. It could have been someone's home but noooo, they just had to go inside some spooky shack.

Craig stopped in the doorway, holding open the door for me. I felt my hand brush into his by accident. His eyes flickered to mine. There was that look again. I swallowed nervously, avoiding his eyes.

While treading inside, feeling the wood floor bend under my feet, claustrophobia washed over me. It was a small cottage that was forgotten by time. There were two windows and a stone fireplace with hot coals still smoldering. No furniture, nothing. Just a plain ol' shack.

"What are we doing here? Someone's been here-"

They sat in a tiny circle near the center of the room. Oh god! Are they Satanists?! Are they going to sacrifice me!? Clyde produced a little baggy from his jacket. "Come on dude." Craig patted the spot next to him. Clyde's gonna grab the dagger and-

Token spoke up. "It's been a while since we've been here. Still the best smoke shack in Aspen."

Clyde was fiddling around in the baggy before producing a strange cigarette. He lit it before taking a shallow puff. "Yea-" he wheezed. "Yeah." he passed it to Craig without another word. I plopped next to Craig, still shaking from my near death experience.

"This is the last time we'll hang out like this. College starts soon." Craig murmured.

Token and Clyde both hung their heads in disappointment. Craig sucked and puffed, nearly choking up a lung right after. "Tw-Tweek, you want some?"

I recognized the tangy smell of skunk and dirt that clung to Craig's clothes and room on a regular basis. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "Gah! You guys smoke that stuff?! You'll end up addicted. Haven't you seen the news?! You'll end up a stripper because you have to fuel your addiction."

They all rolled their eyes at me.

"And I don't have rhythm. Can you imagine me as a stripper?! Too much pressure!"

"Don't worry Tweekster, I'd make it hail on you." Craig snorted. "Exchange a few twenties for a bunch of rolled quarters and I'd make your night."

I about died. Craig was a different man when he was high.

"Pelting poor Tweek with coins? You really are a sadistic asshole." Clyde remarked.

Craig simply shrugged, a smile spreading across his lips. That meant a yes I presume.

"Remember that time you were desperate for a hit?"

"You mean that time you guys made me smoke a banana peel? I was sick for a whole week." Craig let out another laugh. "That was terrible man, Tweek had to baby sit me."

It was true. Craig called me up in a puking fit at three in the morning. I even went over there and stayed up with him all night on the tiles of his bathroom. I kept rubbing circles into his back while he gagged noisily. Although, he told me he had the flu.

I guess I should have known.

"You shouldn't have been that stupid to take advice from Kenny." Clyde shuffled to his feet, grabbing his skis. Token followed suit. "Me and Token are gonna finish up our little scenic route. You comin'?"

"Nah man, I wanna finish this up." Craig held up the cigarette.

"You comin' then Tweekster?" Token called out.

I peered over to Craig. What if he was too stoned to move or something?! What if he ends up choking on his own vomit?! GAH!

"...That's too much pressure. I'll stay with Craig."

Token and Clyde left out the door without another word. Craig puffed like crazy. He finished off his little nub in no time, dying it out on the floor.

I was messing with my puffy jacket. My sweater underneath was getting damp. All the falling I was doing got my jacket soaked. I shed it off, lying it neatly by the fireplace. I huddled my hands over the dying fire. "My clothes are getting wet." I bellyached.

"You're just going to have to suffer through it. If you want sympathy, looking in the dictionary between shit and syphilis. I'm busy." he shut his eyes, melting into the floor.

I heard the howl of the wind outside intenify. It was rattling the little shack. I turned, looking out the broken window curiously.

It was a white out.

I opening the door in a panic. The cold slapped me in the face as a few tears escaped my eyes, slipping down my cheeks. I felt the hairs in my nose freeze up.

Everything was like a blank piece of paper. I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. I felt my breath quicken. This unnatural panic took a hold of me. I kept thinking to myself about making it down to the hill to the resort. I grabbed my skis.

Craig drawled. "You got a death wish?"

"Huh?"

"You'll get lost in the snow. It's best to wait for it to blow over. It'll probably be an hour or so." he waved me off. "Just warm up by the fire and relax."

I sat down as close as I could to the fireplace. I noticed a few logs nearby. I grabbed up the moldy wood, placing it on the fire, praying it would burn. It was our light and our heat source.

I heard a few steps behind me. Craig landed beside me, sitting lazily. I stole a glance into his eyes. They weren't red in the least bit. Sober as saint.

I forgot about all the good things about Craig. I forgot how he could break away from that cold face of his and actually show an emotion.

It was incredibly quiet between us as I stirred the crackling wood with another log.

"I like this shack, its comfy." Craig said almost suddenly.

I hummed. "It's okay."

Again, the silence was pregnant and ready to burst. It was the deafening silence that I couldn't break. It's like...

"You've gotten better at skiing. I can't ski to save my life."

...I just didn't know what to say. Heard Craig's voice but the words didn't come to me as easily. The silence is so loud, its deafening.

Craig craned his head toward the window. "That storm is pretty bad."

I had to say something. The last vacation. The last time... I had to say it. I mean, I wasn't going to get another chance. I needed to tell him what I really felt. He needed to know. I fiddled with my sweater, nervously shaking. "I-I'm going to miss you Craig."

"I'm gonna miss you too Tweek," he smiled faintly. "I'll miss everyone."

I scooted closer to him, lying my head on his shoulder. "I just really want you to know that I'm going to be really lost without you."

"Eh, you can find someone to follow around at the community college. Why not Clyde? He's pudgy and friendly."

"It's not the same."

Before I knew it, Craig had another weird cigarette between his fingers. Probably from his many coat pockets.

I keep thinking of those times hiding under an undergrowth trees near Stark's pond with Craig and he would just smoke his cigarettes. It used to make him seem like he had a charm. Like a mysterious and rebellious teen.

Now it just makes him look like a chain smoker.

I snatched it from him, trying to snap it in half."We have to keep a clear head."

"I lost my high a while ago." he tried to grab it from me as I pulled away. "The cold makes me sober up too fast. Gimme it."

"No."

"Tweek, gimme it."

"_No_!" I said firmly.

"TWEEK." He grabbed my arms as we went rolling. We tumbled around for the little nub. It was like seeing a sister and brother playing extreme, 'keep away'. I was winning.

"Godammit you little brat, it's my pot!"

"But it's bad for you." I had one hand pushing his face while my other hand held the strange cigarette away. "It'll make your breasts grow and you'll sprout hair on your tongue!"

"If you could give that back, I would be sooo happy."

He soon gave up and we were in front of the fireplace again. I broke the cigarette apart, throwing it in the fire. Craig sighed exasperatedly. "That wasn't smart." I crossed my arms, pouting.

More silence, listening to the wind outside howl.

"The last vacation. There's so much I want to do yet." I said in a hushed tone.

"We won't see each other much after this. I'm going to an art university in California." Craig said quietly.

"All the way in California? Why?"

"Photography and film making." He dug in his pocket, pulling out a case. He took out a camera, assembling it. "Hey, why don't we take a picture for good ol' time's sake?"

"Why? You know I hate photos." I blushed timidly.

He stood up, pointing beside the broken window. "Stand there." he demanded. I got to my feet doing as he instructed. He lifted the camera to his eye, snapping a photo of me quickly. I didn't even have time to even _attempt_ to smile.

"H-hey! I wasn't ready."

"The best pictures are usually candid." the picture was spat out quickly. Craig took the film, waving it dry.

I watched him, feeling my heart pound in my ears. It was now or never. I had to do this.

He lifted the Polaroid up, smiling. "It's nice. I'll keep it."

And then, we stood there. We were just staring at each other.

"C-Craig, can I tell you something personal?"

"Hm?"

"I really don't know how to tell you. I-I mean, AGH, like... What should... NGHH!" I grabbed my hair, tugging. "Never mind! This is crazy!"

"Go ahead Tweek, you know I'm chill about this stuff."

"...I like you. I always kind of have. And, I should have told you sooner. I just thought you'd be around forever, you know?" I could feel myself become more and more anxious by the minute. "D-do you li-like me?" my voice cracked.

He shrugged silently, a smile spreading across his lips.

Oh... my-

He liked me... Tweek Tweak! Not Bebe or Cartman or whatever... He liked me. I felt that warm feeling swim right to my head.

I moved closer, I could see the surprise in his face as I spoke out softly. "Just tell me."

I don't think he was expecting that. Craig flushed as I tugged at his arm wantonly. "This is like a dream come true. You gotta say you like me too. Please?"

"Get out of my face you Tweeker." He pushed back on my face, grinning wildly. "Besides, I'm not the romantic type." he was getting red. He was actually showing an emotion and boy, I was eating it up.

"I want you to say it." I tried to use my cute side like Rebecca always did. It was risky. It could fail and end up with me getting my ass simultaneously kicked with a finger in my face or... I could win his heart! I nearly squealed at the thought.

"Fine," he took a breath. "I iikkke moou." he mumbled from his half-opened lips.

"What?" I teased. "I can't hear you."

Craig bit his lip, his crooked teeth showing. His eyes narrowed at me. "Eyyyyye MIKKKE yoom."

"What? Who's Mike?"

"_I-like-you._" he reiterated. "Are you happy? I'm still high you know." he crossed his arms. "Taking advantage of me and shit."

"Liar. You said you were sobered up because of the cold."

"Looks like you found me out, huh?" He rolled his eyes. "Nothing personal but... I just don't want to get too attached. If you're looking for a relationship... I just can't do that."

I wrapped my arms tightly around him. I nuzzled into his chest with a happy hum. "It's okay, just having you here for a little while is enough."

He groaned, flushing again. "Jesus Christ, this is so gay."

"You know, " I spoke up. "I really don't know what I am. I guess I'm just Tweek."

"Gay. Got it."

"Oh? And just what are you?" I shot back. The smell of weed and his cologne was invading my senses and making my head swim.

"Hmm, I guess just Craig." he started slowly. "I've... always enjoyed being around you. Your reactions to things are funny. You're entertaining and boring. I like that."

Was that feeling bubbling up in my chest love? Was I falling in love? I never felt this way with Rebecca.

"But, things don't last forever. Let's make this last, okay?" before I had time to react, he grabbed my head forcefully, making me smash into his lips. I completely melted into him.

I broke away with a smile. "Okay."

It was unfamiliar and yet familiar, wrong but right. In that little shack with Craig, it was almost a blur of emotions. Feelings that just seemed to bubble over. The smell of fire's past and weed clung to my skin. The nips and bites left vibrant purple bruises. The scratches that dug into his back left sore scars.

Then, just like that, it was over.

Things don't last forever.

Craig got on his board with a grin. "Catch me if you can." With that he disappeared down the hill and I got on my skis, following after.

The bruise long dulled to yellow and I assume the now deep scars along his back faded also. Craig too, went away. The one thing that didn't go away was the smoke house. It's still there. Still moldy and crummy but still standing.

That smoke house in Aspen is where this story began. It was strange and foreign. And from time to time, I like to think back about that small shack. And sometimes, I think Craig would be inside with the rest of the group, smoking pot and joking about days gone by.

Five years later, I decided visit the little shack.

I wanted to try to recapture a memory of what was. The door nearly fell off the hinges. I bent down, lighting the fireplace. I reached into my pocket and lit a strange cigarette of my own. I blew out the haze lazily. I wasn't a stripper yet, thank god.

Something caught my eye by the broken window.

A sheet was nailed to the wall. I ripped the film from the nail. My whole body started to shake. My vision blurred. I tried to swallow down the lump that formed in my throat.

I saw the picture of me, weathered and aged. On the small bit of paper on the end it said in yellowed ink: _Catch me if you can Tweek._


	22. Mother Nature

**Kammy.**

**A serious topic. I wouldn't call it _dark_, I would call it _realistic_. ****Kenny is a total butthead in this but it's not uncommon either. So, that's why I wrote it in his perspective.**

**It ain't a happy story by any means and it ain't my best. Most of it is left up to interpretation.**

**Also, I'm going to try other genres next. I'm tired of this dreary crap for now. The next one will be much brighter, guaranteed or you're monopoly dollars back. **

**Luv ya guys! ;D**

* * *

I had lead in my heart, weighing it down.

When we first met it wasn't exactly romantic. It was at some high school party. The loud music blaring in the background with a bunch of teenagers loitering around and laughing. Our eyes met and we only had one thing in mind. There wasn't a look of love or quickening of hearts. It was just stupid decisions. Two people with the same needs and wants.

I eventually got to know her better. Tammy Warner. We got close, almost like we were dating. I knew everything about her, down to her favorite color to the birth mark on her left hip. It was almost fun back then. A friend but no strings attached. Being a teenager and just sharing something with someone. There wasn't any complications...

There were no worries...

How did this all happen?

Mother Nature was a real bitch.

I don't understand a lot of things. I'll admit, I'm not smart or witty but I know Tammy was wronged. She didn't deserve what happened to her. Tammy started to drift away. I want to be by her side through everything that's happened these past two years but she keeps intentionally doing this. A schism. I get close, she runs farther away. I get close, she makes the distance bigger.

In a way, I want nothing more than to leave her. I don't want to be around someone who is so damn depressing all the time. I don't care if that makes me a bad person or worst person of the year. I can't do it anymore. Tammy isn't the same girl I used to know.

I felt the cool breeze pass through my ears as I rode faster on my bike. I craned my head all around, looking for any trace of Tammy.

_'I'm sorry for ruining everything.' _It was an odd text message and… I just needed to find her. I didn't like the tone or the feeling it gave me. I didn't need any more on my mind. God, I had too much on my conscience as it was.

I let my bike slide to a stop, seeing a woman seated on the edge of a bridge. It seemed to be forgotten by time. I remember being a kid and getting the old cement shoes trope, hitting a deep spot in the pond and drowning.

I don't want to do this. I just want to go home.

We were too young to have something like this happen. I'm too young.

I was now the ripe age of seventeen and she was eighteen. We're way too young.

She should have worried about other things. School, college, summer vacation... No, she didn't have that pleasantry. I can't possibly comprehend what's going through her mind now. Maybe she feels loss, guilt, anger or even inferiority.

I wanted to make it right again but I wanted to turn away. I wanted to leave her in the dust.

I couldn't. I had to make it right. I had to.

Tammy sat with her notebook in hand, her dead gaze on something I couldn't see. Her hair no longer streaked and her makeup long gone. Blemishes and all were uncovered. I think she stopped caring about her appearance a long time ago.

I could hear the sound of pages being torn out before being thrown carelessly, letting them flutter down into the wind to be carried off somewhere else.

I closed the space between us, standing above her, faking a smile. "What do you think you're doing silly?"

She peered up to me, turning her attention back to the notebook, ripping and tearing out pages that seemed unnecessary to her.

"I got your message..." I try to find a little hope in my voice. "You know, I'm here for you."

She folded up another sheet into a paper airplane. She crushed it into her hands, letting it drop in a crumpled mess.

"Tammy, it's going to be alright."

My only response was the sound of pages being yanked out of the notebook.

People know about what happened. She had to endure her friends talking about it all the time, trying to turn a very bad situation into a good one or even attacking her about how selfish she was.

_Poisonous blood. Abdominal pains. Swelling. Hospitalization. Infection spreads, destroying organs. Blood transfusions and surgery. Twenty four hours._

All that to get news... The very worst news.

I just don't understand. I would never be able to understand. So these things just start coming out of my mouth. It stumbles and quivers out and onto deaf ears.

I'm here but I just feel invisible, like a helpless bystander.

"Tammy, let's go home. It's starting to snow again."

_Gametes meet-_

I can't feel her pain. I wouldn't be able to understand it. I can't understand it and I never will.

A pill of some kind to prevent something from happening, using each other for a self-gratifying pleasure. At least, I was using her for pleasure... Maybe that's why I feel so responsible?

_Dividing zygotes-_

She obsesses over what could have been. 'Less than two percent chance', they said.

_XX... XY...XX... XY-_

She was always so happy before the problems started. Curious and ever so happy. A smile that could light up a room. Everyone knew Tammy for her boisterous attitude, some even found it to be annoying. What I wouldn't give to see that Tammy again.

_Twenty-three from me and twenty-three from you. Forty-six is the magic number._

"I love you so much, Tammy." I felt my voice crack. "You know that I'm going to be here. You know I'm not going anywhere. J-just say something." I'm lying. It's only because I feel so guilty.

Mother Nature... I don't believe in that crud but I feel like, in amidst Tammy's life and how she was, she didn't deserve it.

"T-Tammy,"

And I feel like everything in its power took everything away from Tammy. Her dreams and her future were altered.

"Just say something already, please?"

_Amniotic fluids-_

Another loud tear of paper.

I couldn't even feel her loss. Forty-six weeks that would never come. It was almost morbid to even dream about. I don't understand it. I wanted her happy and I wanted her smiling.

I want to hear the giggle that faded off so long ago. I have a feeling she won't ever laugh again.

Another loud rustle of paper before being yanked out.

_Implantation, Amniotic fluid, flagella, schisms, chromosomes... Gametes... Forty-six weeks, ovums... XX, XY... Infection. Pus. Disease. Death. Destruction. Debilitation. Poison. Wither... Wither... Fallopian on the point of bursting, tearing, scaring-_

Another sound of ripping paper sends me over the edge.

I approached her from behind, dropping on my knees, my arms entangled around her. My hand's finding hers.

"Stop." I gripped her hands painstakingly tight. "God, just stop."

"Give me a reason why I should?"

"You need to stop blaming yourself for something that happened. What's done is done. It's not your fault."

"I don't see you in my position. You don't understand how I feel."

I snarled, tearing myself away. "That's it."

I was at my breaking point. I couldn't do it. I couldn't pity her any longer. I knew it was wrong to do that. _So very fucking wrong._ I couldn't. I simply cannot endure anymore.

Tammy peered up at me, a surprised expression gracing her features. "Ken-?"

"No, don't even call me that. That isn't my name. My name is Kenneth. Got that? Not Ken or Ken-Poo. Just because you're infertile doesn't mean you get to take it out on everyone else. Stop obsessing over it already. It makes you look pathetic." I let my fingers comb through my hair, nearly giggling. "You're a fucking loser."

I think I was going mad. My sanity was derailing and whatever came to mind blurted out of my mouth.

"Fuck-ing lo-ser." I reiterated with a sigh. I shook my head, starting towards my bike. "You can jump off the bridge or rip pages out of that diary all you want. It's not going to change everything that happened."

Her face had emotions that were indescribable. It was alarm, dismay, surprise, literally every emotion and I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't help it.

She grasped onto my hoodie, tugging me towards her. "Don't go, I don't want to be alone."

"Get off of me already!" I wiggled out of her grasp, slapping the notebook out of her hand. It fell from the bridge in a scatters of pages. She hurried to the side, watching it sink in a broken part of the ice. Tammy whimpered.

"Isn't this what you wanted in the first place, to be alone?" I got on my bike. "You got what you wanted. Now it's my turn. I want you out of my life."

With that I started to pedal away. I could hear the faint sounds of clumps against cement. Tammy followed behind closely.

"Wait! Ken!"

I pedaled even faster, watching her get smaller and smaller.

I remember being with her when this all started. The lead in my heart.

She was feeling under the weather for a few weeks. It started out as vomiting, back pain and these fierce mood swings. She thought she was pregnant and absolutely glowing.

I was less than overjoyed at the thought of a kid. I was even thinking of leaving her _then_. I mean, I was still like sixteen at that time. I wanted nothing to do with a kid and I didn't love Tammy, I used her for the only thing she was good for.

The next thing I knew she was in the hospital. Stan told me that. I didn't even know.

He told me that she could have died... And I still didn't feel anything.

I forced myself to go see her. She wouldn't talk or eat or even move. From what the doctors told the abdominal infection ate away at nearly everything. It could have happened to anyone at any age and anytime.

Tammy spoke to me and only me.

"Do you know how happy I was? At first was so scared. The mere thought of a kid made me sick but the more I thought about it, the happier I was."

"I know." I really didn't care.

"But, I can't believe I'll never have a baby of my own. " She started to let out noisy sobs. "I'm such a failure."

That's when the feeling of lead showed up in my heart.

I felt obligated. Somehow that was my fault. Maybe I caused the infection? I didn't understand how she felt about anything. I never loved her. I never felt anything towards her...

Or maybe I did and I just forgot?

I made it home with the cold, unforgiving snow whirling around me. I didn't feel any better but... I didn't feel bad either. I felt almost like a weight was lifted from my heart.

Is it bad that I don't care to understand? Is it bad to say she deserves it? Is it bad to say I no longer care about her?

I'm almost glad she's gone from my life.

I didn't have to take responsibility for someone else's life.

And like that, the lead in my heart, weighing it down, disappeared.


End file.
